


Gazing Through Keyholes

by Sinspirefly



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Bullying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Gay Stanley Uris, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Rating May Change, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2020-11-25 20:21:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 52,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20918033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sinspirefly/pseuds/Sinspirefly
Summary: It's senior year, and Richie and Eddie are still friends, really close friends. But Eddie starts to wonder if there is something more between them than he originally thought. Richie, however, is struggling to come to terms with his own identity. The Losers must support each other as they try to make sense of their own feelings. High school antics and mischief ensue.





	1. Must've Imagined It

Eddie’s grip on the steering wheel was so strong he may as well have super-glued his hands there. An annoyed grimace settled on his round, freckled face, and his eyes kept whipping to the backseat, back to the road, then to the backseat again. 

Richie laid in the backseat with no seat belt on, taking up all three seats and more with his ridiculously lanky body. His hair spilled out all over the seat, sweaty and dirty, and Eddie refused to think about how long it had been since Richie last washed it. Richie was also drunk, embarrassingly so, and of course Eddie was always his designated driver, always the one Richie leaned on when he lost the attention of some cheer-leading hottie.

It was the night of the spring formal, senior year, and ever since Eddie had turned eighteen and gotten his proper license, Richie had taken full advantage of it. Of course, it wasn’t Eddie’s car he was driving. Eddie didn’t have a car, and it’s not like his mother would ever trust her sickly little boy with her own precious vehicle. Fortunately, Richie’s parents saw Eddie using their car as quite convenient, as long as it was to take care of their reckless, over-dramatic, and (sometimes) moronic son. So that’s how Eddie ended up driving his idiotic friend whenever he was too drunk or high to bike safely. Richie had tried to bike home drunk once, and was found passed out in a neighbour's yard with his bike in a rose bush, which was not an incident that Richie's parents (or Eddie) wished to be repeated, though Richie seemed to care less himself.

Now Eddie couldn’t help but lift his usual annoyed expression for a moment as he glanced at Richie’s sprawled body. Dumb bitch, Eddie thought, but he couldn't help and sigh at seeing Richie in such a state. He knew it was Richie's own damn fault, but that didn't mean Eddie wasn't a little concerned for his friend. Richie never seemed to run out of ways to embarrass himself.

“Fuck you, man. This is the third time in the last two weeks," Eddie voiced aloud, not sure how his mind had jumped from concern to his usual annoyance.

Richie rolled over slightly and groaned, “I like getting drunk," too wasted to come up with a better comeback. 

“I’m not your valet, Trashmouth. And driving you around like this is more embarrassing for you than it is for me, so you see I'm just trying to help you.”

Richie waved a hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah.”

Eddie’s grimace returned. “I think you might be an alcoholic!” he exclaimed. “And you know what that does to your body? A lot of horrible things. Organ failure, for a start. I mean, if this becomes a lifelong habit, Richie…” Eddie continued scolding, as he didn’t know a proper, prideful way of saying 'I’m worried about you', without severely damaging his ego and disrupting the careful balance of humor and emotion that Richie and him had always maintained. 

Richie somehow managed to keep his eyes open as Eddie lectured, cheek scrunched against the leather car seat, and Eddie found himself impressed with Richie’s attempt at paying attention. But as he talked, Eddie couldn’t help thinking of the dance. He couldn't help thinking about Richie, in a suit, (well, everything minus the blazer, he couldn’t manage to be properly formal) looking smooth and just the right amount of ruffled. Richie, sneaking vials of vodka into the gym, taped between his thighs, the one place the security guards’ probing hands wouldn’t touch. Richie, dancing, on the arm of Carley or Carrie or whomever, swaying his hips under the probing lights.

Sat against the wall, in a far corner, Eddie had perched on a wooden bench. Sitting next to the complete social rejects was not where Eddie had expected to be at his first school dance (he’s always skipped them in the past, but somehow Richie had convinced him this one time). Eddie felt wildly out of his comfort zone in the suit he’d worn to Georgie’s funeral all those years ago. It was tight and itchy and made him think about death. Eddie really wasn’t made for dances. And dancing - like high school, gritty, grinding, kind of dancing, was not made for Eddie. He got out of breath too fast, and had to sit out to take puffs of his inhaler. Plus, nearly everyone was high or drunk, but Eddie was the designated driver, so he wasn’t about to go doing any of that - not like he did it in the first place, anyway. So he sat, and watched Richie dance with hot girls in tight, sequined dresses and bright lipstick, who Eddie was not jealous of whatsoever. It’s not like anyone could see his longing stare in the dark and flashing gymnasium.

Richie huffed from the back of the car, as Eddie lost track of his own words and forgot what the purpose of his lecture was in the first place. 

“Anyway, point is…” Eddie wasn’t quite sure about his point, “point is that you should get a ride with one of those girls, or something, I don’t want to be responsible for you like this!” 

Richie had convinced Eddie to come to the dance by illustrating the kind of fun they’d be having. Together. Richie was sprawled out on his bed, limbs practically everywhere, staring at Eddie upside down with his head hanging over the edge when he'd introduced the idea. 

“You and me, dear Eds, dancing and laughing and drinking punch in a sweaty room! Sounds like a dream to me.” Richie's eyebrows danced to illustrate his excitement, and his glasses nearly fell off his nose.

Eddie had ignored the butchering of his name this one time. “It sounds okay.... Everything but the sweaty bit.”

“So come on! You’ll love it.”

And then Richie had abandoned Eddie as soon as he’d gotten cozy with one of those tight-dressed girls. As soon as he got any alcohol in his system, he’d left Eddie alone. Well, Richie hadn’t exactly left, he’d more just danced his way into a different crowd, and Eddie had gotten too uncomfortable to stay around him.

Eddie tried to focus on the road ahead. The streetlights were far and few between on the quieter roads of Derry, and since the fog was settling in, Eddie turned his high beams on. Richie’s voice startled Eddie, he'd become so engrossed in his own thoughts.

“‘M really sorry,” Richie mumbles, “was kinda a dick back there, huh?”

Yes, Eddie thought, but I just wish you’d apologize when you weren’t drunk or high or exhausted. I wish you meant it. Despite the tinge of sincerity in his voice, Richie sure looked like he was having a lot of fun out there on the dance floor, like he didn’t need Eddie by his side at all. Well… Eddie bit his lip slightly... but there was one moment…

Eddie had basically convinced himself that he’d imagined it. As he’d sat there on that wooden bench, holding his inhaler like a lifeline, feeling miserable and totally excluded, he thought for a moment that he’d caught Richie’s eye. That maybe they’d held eye contact for an abnormal amount of time as Richie had swayed his hips seductively to the music. He’d thought in that moment that there was a sparkle in Richie’s gaze, a smile, a promise, a hint at something beyond the friendship they shared. Eddie had felt a flush rise to his cheeks, but then he'd glanced away and the moment was gone. So of course Eddie had imagined it. Richie always had the most fun when Eddie wasn’t there; Eddie was just a burden, a party-pooper to be lamely dragged around. 

“Apology accepted,” Eddie said, quietly and calmly, “just maybe try a little harder not to be a dick next time.”

He’d meant to say something sassy back to Richie, to bicker like they normally do, but glimpsing Richie’s slack and tired face smiling softly from the backseat had caused him to adjust his words.

"Can't make any promises..." Richie grinned into the seat, "thought ladies like their men with asshole tendencies."

Eddie smiled at that. Even drunk, Richie was himself. A little louder, a little wilder, yes, but he was still Eddie's stupid best friend.


	2. Didn't Have To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a longer one! Hope you enjoy! Please leave kudos and comment if you liked it, that is my fuel to write more.

Richie awoke with a ferocious headache and a parched feeling in his mouth.

“Fucking hangovers…” he muttered as he rolled out of bed. 

Richie only vaguely remembered last night. The spring formal dance… he remembered Eddie driving him there and he remembered sneaking the vodka in between his thighs… well... he pretty much remembered everything before he started drinking the vodka; that’s when his memories got a little blurry. He remembered dancing with some pretty girls he barely knew - that was before the alcohol really started to hit him. Richie also remembered collapsing in an uncomfortable (and very illegal) position in the car as Eddie drove him home. He sat on the edge of his bed and tried to concentrate, to think about how he ended up safely in his room…

He remembered the sensation of Eddie’s hands on him, warm and calming, dragging him out of the backseat and propping him up against the car as Eddie took a wet wipe to the backseat, most likely cleaning up Richie’s drool. Eddie, always there, always helping him when he most needed it. A smile flitted across Richie’s lips as he recalled stumbling up the stairs, the smaller boy trying to steady him with an arm wrapped around his shoulder. So it must’ve been Eddie who tucked him into bed and turned his lights off, even unfastening Richie’s bowtie for him. The one thing Richie liked the most about getting drunk was how much Eddie touched him. He always felt safe with Eddie.

Then Richie glanced at the clock, and jolted upright. He was going to be late for class if he didn’t hurry his butt out the door. He whipped off his formal clothes from last night, all wrecked and crumpled, and tossed them on the floor, making a mental note to iron them later. He took a quick glance out the window. His father wasn’t home from his construction work. Yet. He left town a lot for his job, and the house always seemed less tense with him gone. Richie breathed a sigh of relief, and rushed past his mom in the kitchen, grabbing some of the pancakes she’d made, enough for breakfast and lunch. He biked as quickly as he could manage with his head pounding and his hands still shaking a bit from exhaustion.

When Richie sauntered into English late, no one seemed to care or notice, and the teacher barely even spared him a glance. Stan, however, rolled his eyes dramatically from across the room. Richie flipped Stan off with the efficiency of someone who has done so many times, and settled into his seat beside Eddie. Eddie just continued to stare at the notebook in front of him, cheeks flushed and eyebrows drawn together.

“Hey Eddie, my man, what’s up?”

Eddie shook his head. “Of course you’re late.”

“I was hungover, don’t know what else you expected.” 

Richie opened his own notebook and flipped through to an empty page, trying with shaky hands to copy the words on the chalkboard.

Eddie sighed. “Why’d you gotta be so embarrassing?”

“Huh?” Richie mumbled, trying to catch up with his notes.

“Sleeping in too much. Barging in here like a dickhead. You know.” Eddie sort of whisper-yelled, and Richie nodded in response, trying to keep his cool. His head hurt too much to argue right now.

“Yeah well, when nights with your mom get exciting, sleeping in is only reasonab-”

“Beep beep Richie!” Eddie stared at his notes intensely, not meeting Richie’s gaze. Seeing Eddie legitimately irritated, Richie managed to reign himself in. 

“Come on, I’m sorry Eds -”

“Don’t call me Eds.”

“But thanks for last night, anyway…”

The words hung in the air between them, but Richie knew Eddie understood. Without him, Richie would probably be passed out in some ditch with half his clothes missing. Richie hated being dependent on anyone or anything, but since It happened he had allowed himself to let Eddie in. Richie knew what it felt like when he thought about losing Eddie, and he couldn’t stand it, that feeling was worse than any hangover, worse than any illness or injury he had ever experienced. Relinquishing some of his masculine pride was worth it a thousand times over to be closer to Eddie.

Both boys continued their notes in silence, but Richie could see a soft smile on Eddie’s face out of the corner of his eye.

* * * 

When the bell rang at the end of school, Richie rushed out of class to meet the other losers outside of the school like they always did. He could tell there was an unusual buzz about the group as he approached. Bev was grinning like a mad woman, and Mike and Stan were smiling from ear to ear, patting her on the shoulder and slapping her back. Richie couldn’t help but notice the absence of Ben and the forced line of a smile on Bill’s face. 

“Hey losers, what’s going on!” Richie greeted. 

“Ben finally grew the balls to asked Bev out!” Mike said, and Stan nodded along.

Beverly’s grin widened. “A proper date. To dinner.”

Richie glanced sideways at Bill. It was no secret to the group that Bill had been upset at Beverly pursuing Ben over him, and clearly, after all these years, it was still a sore spot. Though it was also no secret that Bill and Stan had hidden feelings for eachother, and if only Bill could get over Beverly, maybe the two boys could finally get together. But for now the losers would just have to wait and see if Stan or Bill could gather the courage to admit their feelings.

“Congrats, Bev!” Richie smiled, trying not to be too enthusiastic, as he didn’t want to worsen Bill’s pain if he could help it. It was essential that the leader of the losers club was happy; if Bill was in good spirits, than so was everyone else. 

“So I’m going to need you guys to come thrifting with me,” Bev said, “I want to buy a new dress.” She paused to take in reactions. Stan raised a groomed eyebrow, and Mike looked minorly confused. Bill just nodded. “I know, I know, I never do that… but I want to surprise Ben. Show him that he’s not the only romantic one.”

Bev’s smile was so contagious that Richie couldn’t help but grin too, even knowing Bill’s feelings.

“Just tell us when and where,” Mike said, “and we’ll be there!”

“Tomorrow at five at the Goodwill. You better all be there!” With that, Bev twirled around and flounced down the school steps, waving to Ben, who stood waiting for her at the end of the path. 

Just as Richie was waving goodbye, he saw Eddie exiting the school out of the corner of his eye, flanked by two bullies from the old Henry Bower’s gang. Though bullying was different now that they were older and in a stricter school, it still didn’t stop assholes from picking on Eddie, as small and gay as he looked in his short shorts with the little rainbows and his pink collared tee. 

Richie whipped his head around to hear the tail end of the insults. 

“Sitting out a school dance on your own? Why were you even there, faggot?” One of the guys yelled, Jeffrey something-or-rather. 

Eddie rushed down the steps towards Richie, keeping his head down and ignoring the jabs. Richie rounded on the Jeffrey guy with a look of pure rage on his face.

“Get away from Eddie.”

Jeffrey threw his hands up and walked backwards away from the scene. "Okay then!"

As much as these guys pretended to be tough, they all knew that Richie was a fierce fighter, and certainly not to be reckoned with, standing at 6’2, with a long reach and incredible determination when the need arose. 

Richie shouted as the two assholes ran away with their tails between their legs. 

“Yeah, fuck off if you know what’s good for you!”

Stan, Mike and Bill shouted after Richie, hooting and cheering.

When the bullies were a sufficient distance away, Richie turned to Eddie and his face softened. “Asswipes,” he muttered under his breath.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Eddie said, blushing for what was certainly not the first time that day.

“Didn’t have to, no,” Richie shrugged, “but I wanted to.”

As the losers parted ways to go to their respective homes, Richie caught Eddie's sleeve.

"Hey, um, Eds?"

Eddie raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Could you maybe come over and help me practice lines today?"

After entering high school, Richie had made the decision to join the drama department, hoping he'd find an outlet for his outrageous humour. He'd found there was indeed quite an audience for his kind of jokes, and he'd had major roles in a couple of plays the department had put on. Though Richie's dream was to be a stand up comedian, he truly enjoyed the theatre, and any practice being up on a stage was certainly worth his while. Richie's major problem, however, was with memorization. He had very little focus and could get distracted in an instant, so having someone else to ground him when he tried to commit his lines to memory was an enormous help.

"Sure," Eddie said, knowing full well Richie's struggles with his short attention span and undiagnosed ADHD.

"Great!" Richie exclaimed, making a run for where his bike was locked up. "Race you to my place!" 

"Cheater!" Eddie shouted, sprinting after Richie with a grin imprinted on his face.

* * *

"Fuck it! This is stupid. Why the fuck am I even in this play?" Richie groaned into the pillow of his deck chair, lying face down with his legs sprawled out. He was too lanky to find normal sitting positions comfortable.

"I don't know. You were cast in it!"

Eddie was perched opposite him on another deck chair, this one propped to an angle designed for sitting upright, while Richie's was pushed to the farthest back setting to allow for his limbs to be (somewhat) contained. 

"But Romeo and Juliet? Why? I've never read Shakespeare willingly in my life!"

Eddie shrugged and flipped through the script book. "Maybe because it's the immortal bard, you know, kind of one of the most famous plays of all time."

Richie groaned again, louder this time. "And one of the most overdone! Other than, like, Grease: The Musical... But couldn't we have done one of the comedies? I've never been in a drama before, never mind a tragedy! Like... like the dude with the donkey head in the fairy one we read in Grade 10! That's my kind of role. Not fucking Romeo!"

Eddie shrugged again, and Richie barreled on with his complaining.

"They could've at least given me the Mercupio guy -"

"Mercutio." Eddie corrected him. 

"Yeah, well he's actually funny and gets to have some jokes about sex and shit! All I do is drone on about some chick I literally just met."

"Wow," Eddie said with a hint of attitude, "you're probably the first person ever to complain about getting the lead role in Romeo and Juliet. Maybe your audition was just really good. Maybe that's why they cast you?"

Richie ignored Eddie's sarcasm. "Or maybe the drama department is just lacking good male leads. Maybe I was a desperate measure."

It truly baffled Richie why he was cast. He had went into that audition with zero fucks and his monologue hastily half-memorized. He really had committed to the acting though, he always did try his best even when he'd been lazy. But this was Richie's first ever attempt at drama, and he'd only expected to get a small part, if anything at all. But, when he was done, the drama teacher had stood up and clapped. He'd never say it out loud, as he thoroughly enjoyed being self-deprecating (except when it came to dick jokes), but maybe Richie actually had something. A spark of potential, maybe. Maybe he had a talent other than making people laugh.

"Anyway!" Eddie carried on, "let's start when you come in on act one scene two."

"Wait," Richie said, holding up a hand and rolling out of his chair, a tangle of legs and arms, landing on the wooden patio with a thump. "Do you actually like this play though, Eds? You actually think it lives up to the hype? 'Cause I don't think so."

Eddie scrunched his face up in a way that Richie thought was totally adorable. "Yeah, I mean, of course. It's a brilliant example of how every action has consequences, and -"

"I meant the love story." Richie got on his hands and knees and shuffled towards Eddie's chair, hair falling wildly in his eyes. "I think it's stupid. These two fuckheads would actually give up all their prospects in life to love each other after only just meeting? Do you find that believable? 'Cause I don't, Eds, I certainly don't."

Richie stopped his crawling at the foot of Eddie's chair, and looked up into the confused face of the smaller boy. 

Eddie sighed. "I think it could happen." He avoided Richie's eyes, looking at the pages in front of him instead. "When you really love someone, you make sacrifices."

Eddie's hands twitched, then he tightened his grip on the script book. "If that isn't love, I don't know what is."

Richie nodded. "Huh. So you're saying you'd do it? In their position? You'd run away too, for love? Say 'fuck 'em all' and just get outta there?" Something inside of Richie's chest tightened to hear Eddie's response, something deep and strange that made Richie feel a little too sweaty and a little too aware of his proximity to Eddie.

"Yeah, I think so," Eddie said, voice small and practically a whisper. "You wouldn't?"

"I dunno..." Richie muttered, then let his eyebrows jump all the way up his forehead. "But for steaming thirteen-year-old sex? Yeah, I'd probably run away for that!"

"Beep beep, Richie!" Eddie yelled, recoiling into his chair. "That's so gross!"

"What? Juliet is thirteen! It's in the script, dumbass!"

Eddie just kept shaking his head and saying "Ew ew ew!" over and over again. Richie tackled him in the chair, grabbing his arms and pinning him down, laughing all the while. Eddie squirmed and kicked, and they rolled out together onto the patio just as ungracefully as Richie had rolled out of his own chair moments earlier.

"I'm sorry, honey," Richie snorted, pinning Eddie to the wood, fingers tingling where they touched Eddie's bare arms, "but you're going to have to read the sexy parts too, if I'm going to memorize my lines!"


	3. With A Glance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a fun one to write... mainly adorable flirting. Thanks for reading! Please forgive my typos, I haven't had time to edit this yet, but wanted to post it anyway.

Eddie didn't like shopping, in fact, he felt very much uncomfortable with helping Bev pick out a dress for her date. He was perfectly fine when he thrift-shopped alone, so no one could judge his clothing choices (Richie!) or attempt to recommend clothes that didn't really suit his tastes (Mike tried - all his offerings were far too sporty). But because of his particular and somewhat abnormal preferences, Eddie felt terribly out of the loop when it came to fashion. 

But of course he wanted to be there for Bev, and wanted to support her and Ben's advancing relationship. So that's how Eddie found himself inside the Goodwill, staring blankly at racks and racks of dresses. Bev waltzed down the isles and sifted through the dresses efficiently, knowing exactly what she liked and didn't like with a glance. Eddie wished he had Bev's decisiveness when it came to literally anything in his life. Eddie had a habit of overthinking every decision, contemplating all the possible outcomes, and weighing the risks and advantages. He could never decide something with just a glance.

But Richie could. He always could. He looked at everything with glances. Homework. People. Major decisions. He decided everything consequential in a shorter space than it had taken Eddie to meet Richie's eyes on the dance floor. That was if Eddie hadn't imagined it, of course. He scolded himself silently for letting his mind believe that moment was real. Eddie had harbored feelings for Richie for countless years, and Richie wasn't so oblivious that he wouldn't have acted by now. Of course he would've acted by now, if he really felt the same. But, like everything else in Richie's life, Eddie was probably a sideways glance that Richie had decided on years ago. Friend? Yes, only a friend. Of course they were only friends. Best friends, all the same, but still just... friends. 

Eddie watched Richie shuffle through the store in his peripheral vision. The taller teen got easily distracted, and fiddled with anything that caught his wandering eye. He pulled out multiple button up shirts from the rack, all in ugly Hawaiian and floral patterns, patterns that screamed 'I'm desperate for attention!' Eddie actually loved Richie's terrible wardrobe, but he wasn't about to tell Richie that. 

All of the losers had seemed to lose focus, scattering haphazardly throughout the store. Mike seemed very intent on looking at the sports jerseys, as ever since high school he had become a star athlete (basketball, football, track - the man could do anything). Stan had attempted to help Bev at first, suggesting certain dresses or 'maybe these shoes would go with that?' But clearly Bev had a mind of her own, so Stan had abandoned that route to slump next to Bill on the benches outside the change rooms. Eddie had trailed Bev, trying to appear thoughtful and helpful even if he absolutely wasn't, but she decided everything all on her own, and never needed (or asked for) Eddie's advice. Ben, of course, was absent, as Bev couldn't have the date spoiling his own surprise. 

As Bev advanced towards the change rooms with an armful of options, she turned around suddenly in the isle in front of Eddie, nearly causing him to trip and fall into her. He reached for his inhaler in his back pocket instinctively, knowing full well that it wouldn't help his fall. Fortunately he caught his balance at the last second, and righted himself. 

"Eddie," Bev said, eyes imploring, "while we're here, please help Richie find some better clothes." She said it loud enough to make sure that Richie could hear. Richie didn't even look up from the rack of shirts to raise his fist in Bev's direction and flip his middle finger.

"Here, hand him this. It's an improvement." Bev pulled a shirt off the rack and shoved it sloppily into Eddie's arms. It was indeed a button up, like Richie always wore, but this one was clearly intended to be worn closed, rather than the loose open style Richie always had on. It was navy with grey stripes, and had a small breast pocket. It still had the tags attached. Even Eddie was impressed with Bev's choice. 

Eddie stalked up to Richie, who had moved to the accessories isle, and was currently trying on a baseball cap, ski goggles, and swim cap all at once. Richie turned his head to Eddie, and raised his eyebrows, sticking his tongue out at the same time. It was funnier than Eddie would care to admit.

"Hey, Richie!" Eddie said, attempting to toss the shirt on top of Richie's multi-layered head piece, which was a challenge. For a second Eddie though he was going to miss entirely because of Richie's unfair height, but the button up settled there by some force of nature.

"No," Richie said, plain and simple.

"Try it on," Eddie tried to make his voice orderly, "anything is better than Hawaiian."

"I happen to love Hawaiian, thank you," Richie muttered, but still stalked off to the change rooms all the same. "I'm only doing this to shut you up!" 

Eddie liked to imagine it was him who caused Richie to resist so little, but truthfully Eddie knew it was Bev's pressuring comment that had made Richie cooperate. Eddie sat down to wait for Richie outside the changing stalls, and held in a laugh as he watched Bill and Stan attempt to pass Bev clothes from underneath and over the top of the change room door. The door had a sign on it reading 'six item rule', which had prompted the struggling to pass the dresses to and from Bev. 

"T - t - try to reach lower Bev!" Bill encouraged. "Almost th - there!"

"You got this," Stan joined in. 

Mike, however, was still lost in the sporty section, completely oblivious to all the flirting and touching being exchanged between Stan and Bill. Eddie felt awkward just watching them. Though soon his gaze was diverted, when the door to Richie's change room swung open. Richie stepped out wearing that beautiful, immaculate shirt, and had added dramatic black shades to enhance the aesthetic. He looked wonderfully... clean. And put together. And - oh Lord - he looked so unexplainably wrong. Like the real Richie had been scrubbed away and only a shell remained.

"So?" Richie queried. 

None of the others seemed to be paying attention, preoccupied with their own browsing and giggling, Eddie was the only one watching Richie and the only one to respond.

"You look... crisp?" Eddie said, realizing that he had never used that word to describe Richie in his life, and probably never would again.

"Like a freshly folded pool towel!" Richie exclaimed, striking modeling poses.

Eddie considered this odd metaphor. "No, Richie, more like the pool towel a dog used to dry off after it's first wash. Cleaner than before. But still a mess."

Richie shrugged melodramatically, flipping the shades onto his forehead. "I'm always a mess, Eds."

After a pause, while Richie actually took a moment to look in the mirror, he grimaced and ripped the shirt off right in front of Eddie, baring his chest to the world. 

"Erhm..." Eddie muttered, or something along those lines, as Richie's chest never failed to distract him. Richie's slim but muscular build... the little trail of dark hair curling up his chest from the edge of his shorts... Eddie felt positively weak.

"What? Like what you see?" Richie said sarcastically, waving a hand in Eddie's direction as it dawned on Eddie that he was staring. As he was still momentarily not functioning, he just blinked blankly in response. "What? You want the full show?"

Eddie snapped out of it, realizing what his friend was suggesting. "Ugh, Richie, no!"

"Huh. Well your mom certainly enjoyed this show last night."

"Shut up, Trashmouth!" Eddie nearly yelled, then took a deep, calming breath, like his mother had always taught him to do when he got carried away. "So what did you think of the shirt?"

Richie just shrugged and glared at the garment in his arms. "I felt stupid in it."

He disappeared back into the change room before Eddie could find an comment that embodied 'you looked good but totally not like yourself' without sounding rude. Soon enough Richie emerged in his normal clothes once more. 

"How're the others?"

Eddie looked over to Bev's change room, realizing just how distracted he had gotten, and he could feel a soft blush rise on his cheeks. 

"Good, I think."

Bill and Stan were sitting on the floor now, backs up against the door, still laughing their asses off, pressed up against each other's sides. 

Richie nodded. "Sure seems like it."

Then a huge, wild grin began to consume Richie's face. The sort of grin that made Eddie's skin prickle from an odd mix of concern, curiosity and anticipation. It was the kind of determined grin that was generally accompanied by dick jokes or 'I'm gonna have to kill this fucking clown'. 

"Might as well pass the time, huh?" Richie said. He then began rushing through the isles of the store, grabbing every possible garment that could look idiotic on him, including women's clothes, and began to heap them all over his arms. His sneakers made scuffs in the linoleum from his excitement. Eddie rolled his eyes. Soon enough Richie was trying on any ridiculous combination of clothes that he could hurl together, everything from crocs with fuzzy socks to a women's pajama dress with huge frilly sleeves. He paraded around in these silly outfits, making Eddie snicker despite himself.

'What? Are you just going to watch?"

While wearing a zebra onesie with a camouflage vest, Richie grabbed Eddie by the arm and pulled him into the change room. Eddie squealed.

"Rich. Richie! I am not trying any of that on! You're the embarrassing one. You are!"

Richie began to tickle Eddie's sides, and Eddie continued to squeal nervously. He barely even registered the change room door shutting, until his laughter died down and it dawned on him that he was standing in Richie's arms in a locked change room together. 

"Let me out!" Eddie demanded, only half serious. He pounded his fists on Richie's chest, but Richie was propped against the door, unmoving. 

"No can do. Not until you try this on, Juliet!"

Richie held up between them a fur coat the size of a throw rug.

"No, Richie, I'll drown in that. I'm too small."

Richie just shook his head. "Then I guess you'll be stuck in here forever."

"Fine!" Eddie exclaimed, and Richie wrestled to get the massive coat around Eddie's tiny arms. At 5'6 Eddie wasn't insanely small, but certainly small enough that he felt like the coat could eat him alive. Eddie couldn't help but enjoy bantering with Richie like this, but the coat really was unreasonably heavy, and he could already feel his armpits sweating. Not to even mention the amount of germs that would be inside it. Stranger's germs. Disgusting.

"Rawr!" Richie teased, tickling Eddie under the coat. "You're a little bear cub, Eds!"

"Richie get it off me! It's a germ sauna in here." Eddie complained, but oddly enough Richie actually nodded and obliged.

"Yeah, honestly Eds, you look so much better without it. Less hairy definitely suits you!" And with that, Richie tore the coat off and replaced it on its hanger. Just like that, with no deliberating, Richie had formed his opinion and acted on it. Two things Eddie struggled with constantly. 

Suddenly Eddie felt very cold with the lack of clothing. He shivered slightly, but in their close proximity, Richie noticed, and rubbed up and down Eddie's arms, making his stomach feel somewhat unstable from the touch. 

"You know I'm teasing, right?" Richie asked, still looking crazy in the full body zebra and camouflage vest combo. 

Eddie nodded, though if he was being honest, sometimes he actually believed that Richie thought he was lame, a complete drag on his good times. Some days Eddie wondered why Richie was even friends with him. It was in the most fun, the most happy moments, that Eddie most questioned how good a friend he was.

"Well I was just teasing." Richie lowered his voice, and seemed to tug Eddie's arms. Was he pulling Eddie closer? What was he doing? His face was unreadable. Just his usual half-smile. Plus his hair was practically everywhere, ruining the view of his eyes, so Eddie was even more at a loss. 

"You know I actually like the way you dress and I actually don't think you should change..." The words tumbled out of Eddie awkwardly. He wasn't sure why. They just sort of forced their way out. Like a glance. Like a snap of the fingers. He hadn't even made a decision, he'd just spoken and let his mouth move without his mind attached. "Um..." Eddie thought maybe he could correct himself. Richie and Eddie never complimented each other. That's not how things worked between them "I..."

Richie's smile broadened before Eddie could finish making a fool of himself. 

"Don't worry Eds, I have no plans to change any time soon."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Richie broke away from Eddie, but not before he hesitated a second longer than necessary, making Eddie's head spin with questions.

"I found my dress!" Bev shouted. "Let's go!"

Richie shot Eddie one parting grin, eyes connecting with the fur coat, Eddie, then the fur coat again.

"Rawr." Richie mouthed. Eddie shook his head with a smile, feeling positively dizzy but also strangely elated.


	4. That Protective Feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again unedited as of yet, but enjoy! A little different this time, a little darker.

Richie had gotten to the point where he really couldn't afford to be late to class again. So, uncharacteristically, he set his alarm after getting back from thrift shopping, so he wouldn't pass out later in bed and forget to set one. Which is exactly what happened. The instant Richie laid down on his covers, his eyes fluttered closed and he fell asleep quickly, images off Eddie grimacing in a furr coat dancing on the inside of his eyelids. He drifted off with a smile on his face. 

Richie woke up to the blare of his alarm, and slapped around at his bedside table until he hit the snooze button. He stretched dramatically, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, until he noticed something out his bedroom window.

Richie's dad was home. His car, parked in the driveway, was completely smothered with dirt and dust, unkempt and neglected. Richie was shocked the thing could still drive without spontaneously combusting. He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat at the thought of having to face his father this morning. Richie's dad was... well... strict was the nice way of putting it. Quite a glossing-over, actually. Richie had been known to come to school with black eyes now and then that he didn't offer details for. Of course he always laughed a chalked it up to a fight, but the losers knew the truth. Richie's Dad was away a lot for construction work, but his first few days back were always the worst, as he got highly strung from the physicality of his job, and Richie was the one who paid for it. 

At Goodwill yesterday, Richie had actually ended up buying two new shirts, both of which were totally un-Bev-approved. But, in the end, he didn't care, and Eddie seemed to like them, which was what really mattered. One of these new items was a bright pink button up with flamingo designs on it. Richie had instantly liked the bright color and the fun pattern. It was very... well... flamboyant was one way of putting it. Quite frankly, it looked very gay, and at this point Richie was beyond caring what people at school thought. 'I'll wear it just to spite my father', Richie thought, 'that asshole would hate me going out looking so queer'. That's what he told himself at least. Somewhere in his mind Richie knew that he liked it, that he liked the gayness of it, the vibrancy, the way he knew Eddie would smile mockingly seeing him in it. Richie tried not to think about his own sexuality, tried to push it so far back in his brain that he didn't have to address it. Being raised the way he was, gay was never an option. And Richie had dated girls (sort of - he'd messed around a bit, never more than second base), but it had never felt right before. He always thought it must've been the wrong person, the wrong girl, you'll find someone, he told himself, but secretly he knew that the only smile that had ever made his heart flutter was Eddie's. The only eyes that could render him speechless. The only touch that made him want more; it was all Eddie. So Richie couldn't be straight, could he? But of course he didn't think about it. It was easier that way. 

Attempting to shuffle through the kitchen undetected, Richie's many limbs got in the way, and his knee caught on an open cupboard door, making a loud bang as the door slammed shut. Richie's mom lifted her head from from the book she was reading at the dining room table, and Richie knew instantly he was in trouble by the way his mother's mouth stopped half open, her eyes latching onto the doorway behind Richie.

"Richie!" His dad boomed. 

Richie turned in his tracks to look his father in the eye. He was at least three inches taller than his own father, but that didn't make him any less intimidating, especially when he was drinking. And he was certainly drinking now - he had a bottle of rum in his left fist as he stood leaning on the door frame, face unshaven and whatever hair remained on his head was sticking up in all directions.

"No welcome back hugs for your old man?" 

"S - sorry, Dad. Um. I forgot. I have to get to school."

"Wait wait wait! Not before you hear me out, son!"

Richie could see his mother flinch from his peripheral vision; he didn't blame her for not interfering. She would only get hurt too if she got involved.

"What is it?" Richie shrugged, steadying his legs and awaiting a response. 

"I come home to my house!" Richie's father raised the hand with the bottle, waving it around ungracefully."And I see there's shit everywhere! Dirty towels in the bathroom. Dishes in the sink? Who do you think is gonna take care of all that? You think I will, when I get back? You think your mom should, huh?" He reached a meaty hand to grab at Richie's collar, but the drinking had made him unstable, and he stumbled forward, missing Richie entirely. "Huh? You tell me whose gonna do all that!"

Richie's mom's face was scrunched up in concern, but Richie knew his dad was too drunk to be a threat right now. The man was pathetic, tripping on his own kitchen floor. He looked like he could hurl at any moment. Richie stepped out of the way, swiftly making his way out of the kitchen and through the front door. His father yelled after him "what are you even wearing, you little faggot? Neon?"

As Richie biked to school, his disgust for his father only grew. The man could hardly even take care of himself. He was a gross, blubbering, useless man who used insults as a barrier for his problems. He was a raging alcoholic. And Richie was almost entirely sure his father was still taking a prescription medication from a construction injury he got three years ago! How did a man so lowly and depraved even have the right to judge Richie? Richie was far from a perfect child, but he could really go someplace, he had real opportunities. Sure, Richie was lazy at times, but still managed almost straight A's, and was an actually talented performer. His father had no right to judge Richie. In fact, he should be proud of Richie for getting this far! Sure, Richie had a couple late nights and didn't clean up after himself. But he had aspirations, and, most of all, he had a chance at something better that his monstrous father never had. A chance at a life outside of Derry, a life where his talent got him somewhere. 

As the wheels of his mind turned, his anger only grew. Richie was gonna fight back next time. That man wasn't going to lay hands on him again without meeting cold, hard resistance.

Richie locked his bike up, and realizing he was early for school, took his time walking up the steps. Eddie was waiting there for him at the top, waving a small hand. But he looked oddly... uncomfortable. And then Richie realized why. Those two assholes who were harassing Eddie the other day stood on either side of him, in extremely close proximity, elbowing him and cornering him into the railing. They had brought backup this time - two other guys were standing a few steps down, keeping watch, for Richie probably. But at this point, with fresh anger coursing through him, Richie didn't care if it was a trap. The look on Eddie's face was enough to make him react stupidly. Poor Eddie's little eyebrows were scrunched and his pretty mouth was in a thin line. Richie could feel a terrible energy rising in his gut and coursing through his arm to his fist. He barreled straight past the two guys on the lower steps, and swung his fist directly into Jeffrey's horrible face without a second thought. The release Richie experienced when his fist connected with nose cartilage sent adrenaline straight to his brain. Richie smiled.

"What the fuck!" Jeffrey's friend screeched in surprise.

Jeffrey wiped the blood from his nose and tears rose in his eyes. "Fuck! I think it's broken! I think he broke it! He broke it!" Jeffrey grew fairly hysterical, screaming and flapping his arms. "Kick his ass! Kick his ass dickheads!"

The other guys still hesitated for some reason. As if Richie was going to win against three other people! Even he knew that it was a hopeless fight, but he had picked it, and he would do anything to defend his Eddie. In their hesitation, Richie did not relent. He kicked Jeffrey right in the crotch, sending him sprawling onto the pavement, moaning and writhing. These guys had asked for it, and Richie had given them a clear warning the other day, so they were going to pay for their actions. Even if Richie was hopelessly outnumbered (his long reach could only do so much), he would go out dealing as much damage as he possibly could.

In the end, of course, he did lose, but not before the other guys got a good ass-whooping. Richie got in a solid punch or kick here and there as the guys had closed in around him, kicking him into a ball on the stairs and beating him nearly senseless. Of course the Principal had rushed down the steps to break it up, but not before Richie had been dealt some serious damage. 

"Everyone break it up!" the Principal shouted. "Break it up!"

The boots that had been kicking at Richie a second before vanished, and he uncurled from his ball position. He definitely had a black eye. Maybe a broken rib, too, as his side ached awfully. Also one of his fingers felt like it had been twisted the wrong way. And that's not to mention the bruises that were already developing all over his body.

"Well shit." Richie tried to stand up, and felt himself shaking, but soon enough Eddie had an arm around him and was propping him up. "Thanks Eds," Richie groaned, voice thick with pain. 

The principal glared all the teens down, including little Eddie huddled under Richie's arm. "Two day suspension for all of you! No more fighting on the school grounds!"

"But sir, Eddie didn't -"

Richie tried to object to help out his friend, but the Principal just shook his head and turned away from them. "Classes are starting. I have to go. Go home, boys!"

Eddie grimaced, and Richie knew that he was thinking about his mother, and the way she would freak out over the news. Eddie had never been in trouble like this before.

"I'm so sorry, Eds, you don't deserve this, it's all my fault, I..."

Eddie's face now had a bizarre expression on it that made Richie halt his words. 

"I punched someone," Eddie said suddenly, seemingly in awe of himself, and stared at his free hand that wasn't holding Richie up. 

"No way!" Richie clapped Eddie on the back, though it strained his sore shoulder. "You did?"

"Yeah." Eddie's eyes were distant. "They were hurting you, really hurting you, and you were down there... and I... it overcame me... I just. I punched one of the guys. Right in the ear! I never thought I'd - I couldn't stand it, Rich."

Richie was genuinely proud, and was grinning despite the aches in his face. He knew that feeling Eddie was describing, that protectiveness, all too well. He knew the way Eddie affected his body in an almost tidal way. Like all of Richie's blood shifted when he saw Eddie in pain; like his whole being was tugged into action.

"Eddie, you're a badass!" 

Eddie blushed shyly. "Yeah. A suspended one."


	5. Introducing The Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm just a total nerd who believes in central metaphors and poetic crap... I.e this is the chapter where you finally learn why this fic has it's name.

Eddie and Richie walked home with their arms slung around each other, knowing full well that biking wasn't an option with Richie's injuries. They didn't normally do this much touching, and Eddie was sweating intensely - not only from the adrenaline of the fight. Richie's side pressed up against Eddie made him feel twitchy and nervous. 'You're eighteen, you idiot', he reminded himself, 'this isn't a kindergarten crush. Calm down already.' Besides, this was not the time to be thinking of his feelings; Eddie needed to get Richie cleaned up right away.

Richie was limping pretty bad, though it didn't seem to come from his leg. Eddie figured Richie had maybe banged a rib or hip bone from the way he was slouched over, holding a hand to his side. Richie was definitely developing a black eye, which he'd be sure to flaunt in the coming weeks, as a token of his bravery or some shit like that. His hair was even more of a mess than normal, matted with dirt and blood smears. Fortunately Richie had the intelligence to protect his face with his arms, so his glasses weren't broken. But it was so weird... Eddie hadn't seen Richie in such a bad state since... since, well, since they had fought It. Eddie felt this tug in his chest to sooth Richie, to be there for him, no matter how much the other teen insisted he was okay.

"So, Richie, we should really make a plan about what to do, we can worry about the suspensions later, we should really focus on getting you fixed up." Eddie began to fast talk, like he always did when he was worried. It was a terrible habit that Eddie had tried to overcome, and it only came back in his weakest moments, which apparently included being up close to Richie. "We need to get you some bandages and some gauze, we need to disinfect your cuts - they must have copious amounts of germs in there by now... and you should probably get a glass of water, and maybe even a haircut to get the muck out, plus a change of clothes, so we'll need to head to your place to get you -"

"No." Richie grimaced. "We're not going to my place. No way."

Eddie was pretty sure he knew what Richie meant, but he asked anyway just to clarify.

"Oh. Your Dad's home?"

He could feel Richie's whole body tense up against him. 

"Yeah. The dickhead returns." 

"Oh," Eddie said again, more delicately this time. They rarely talked about Richie's dad, but Eddie knew what went on at home. He knew Richie's struggles, as he'd seen the results many times. Richie skipping school and saying he's sick, then showing up with bad bruises the next day. Richie sneaking in through Eddie's window at night with a sleeping bag under his arm, asking softly if he can stay over. Eddie never questioned it. He wanted Richie to know that he was there, he was always there for him, even if it risked his mother finding Richie sleeping in his room, even though Eddie worried some mornings that Richie wouldn't leave in time. But Eddie was unmoving. He was constant. He wanted to be the one steady thing in Richie's world when everything else felt like it was crumbling.

After a heavy pause, Richie spoke again.

"He can't see me like this, Eds..." Richie's voice rose slowly in pitch. "I can't let him see me weak. He needs to know that I'm not, that I'm not a wimp, and if - if he sees me in this state, he'd see that I lost, th - that I can't even -"

"Woah, woah, hold up, Richie." Eddie stopped walking abruptly. He could see Richie flinch from pain, and muttered a small 'sorry' before barreling on. "We're not going back there. You're going to be fine." He tried to speak slowly this time, to be calm and rational. "You'll come to my house, and we'll climb in the window. My mother will be having her morning nap right now, and we'll get you everything you need to be okay. Then we'll have a sleepover, and you won't have to go back home until you're in better shape."

Richie tried to smile, but his face was so swollen it looked extremely painful. "But what about the suspension? What about when your mom finds out?"

Eddie took a deep, steadying breath. "You know what, Rich? She doesn't have to find out. We'll get out of there before she wakes up, and we'll come back at the time school ends. We'll do the same thing tomorrow. She'll never know." Eddie hadn't even realized that he was thinking these things, but once he had spoken them, he felt a strange sense of relief.

"Eddie, my man!" Richie looked more himself with an idiotic expression of joy on his face. "You know how I used to call you cute all the time?"

"Yes." Eddie rolled his eyes, wondering where this was going. 

"Well, you certainly still are..." Richie took a pause for dramatic purposes. "But you're also a sneaky little bitch! Eddie the little bitch!"

Richie snaked an arm between them to tickle Eddie again.

"Don't you dare, Trashmouth! I could drop you!" Eddie threatened, loosening his grip on Richie's shoulders.

"Fine! I'll resist this one time... Eddie the bitch."

Eddie brought his open palm to meet his face. "That's a worse nickname than Eds, Rich! So much worse."

Richie seemed quite pleased with this. "But you earned it. You punched a guy today!"

"I gotta remind you, that you did too! And a lot more than one time."

Richie just shrugged. They both kept walking, spending the rest of the trip in a companionable silence.

* * * 

It was a struggle getting Richie through the window, but once they managed it, after much fumbling and complaining on Richie's end, Eddie snuck into the bathroom and gathered the supplies to clean Richie up. He was careful to tip toe, knowing all the creaky spots in the hall, to make sure his mother stayed fast asleep.

Richie sat on the edge of Eddie's bed, as Eddie started with disinfecting the cuts on his legs, and moved upward from there. Eddie forced himself to ignore the thoughts that crowded his mind, the ones that whispered over and over again about the germs and the uncleanliness involved in injuries. He'd had enough injuries himself, so he knew how to treat Richie, and he wanted to, he really wanted to. So he steeled his nerves and forged on, swiping Richie's cuts with rubbing alcohol before bandaging them up.

"This might sting a bit," he warned Richie, who promptly hissed when the swab connected with his skin.

Eddie had managed to calm his mind enough to think clearly. He could still hardly believe that he had punched someone. And hard, too. Enough to momentarily knock the guy off Richie. Those guys had been saying such horrible, homophobic things to Eddie, he shouldn't feel bad, but still there was an unfamiliar twinge of guilt in his stomach. Everyone at school seemed to know that Eddie wasn't straight, which made him an easy target, of course. But that didn't justify those guys' actions, and Eddie knew that. Nobody deserved to be called the things that he was called - God, if he heard someone say those things to Richie - Eddie didn't know what he would do. Something drastic. But for some reason it was harder for him to stand up for himself.

"You know, Richie, violence isn't always the answer. You didn't have to defend me."

"Fuck yeah I did. Hnnnnn. Agh." Richie grimaced as Eddie swabbed a particularly nasty cut. "You weren't going to defend yourself."

"No, that's not what I meant, Richie. I meant... you don't have to fight everyone that says something mean to me. Sometimes it's best to just let them say things. Their words don't really hurt me, because I know they're pathetic assholes."

Richie snorted, and Eddie didn't meet his eyes, focusing instead on bandaging a cut on Richie's lower thigh. 

"Playing the high ground now? I thought you're the one who punched someone and said it just overcame you! At least I punch people purposefu - ahhhh! Careful, Eds!"

"Fine. Use my words against me. But I couldn't see you being hurt like that." Eddie finished with the wound, wrapping medical tape around Richie's thigh to secure the gauze, pretending like it wasn't the first time he'd touched Richie's upper leg.

Richie placed a hand on Eddie's shoulder. "Eds. Eds, look at me."

So Eddie did, meeting Richie's gaze through his thick, dirt-smeared glasses. 

"It's the same for me - what you felt when you saw me being beaten up. But it's words, instead. That feeling - that's why I have to fight. It's hard to explain it but... You know what I'm talking about. I just can't stand by and watch and not react like that."

Eddie was frozen up, his mouth half open. 

"Oh," he said stupidly. It seemed that 'oh' was Eddie's go-to response when he couldn't think of anything to say. But Richie understood him, and that sent a tendril of warmth through his limbs. They both wanted each other safe, and that's what mattered.

Instead of voicing any of those thoughts out loud, however, Eddie just continued with Richie's cuts, dumbstruck. When he was finished with Richie's legs (which had stopped shaking so badly), Eddie looked up at Richie expectantly.

"What?"

Eddie sighed, wishing he didn't have to ask so awkwardly. "You need to take your shirts off. I have to look at your ribs."

"Right."

Richie began to shimmy his grimy button-up off, face in a scowl of preparation for the pain.

"It's too bad. I like that shirt," Eddie said before he could take it back.

Richie seemed to perk up instantly. "You do?"

"Yeah. I like the... flamingos. And the... color." Eddie tried to compliment Richie in a way that wasn't 'I like it because it looks gay', which Eddie suspected wouldn't go over well if spoken aloud. Again with the compliments... Eddie was getting soft.

"Thanks," Richie said, "I like it too." Richie managed to squirm the button-up off, and then his t-shirt, flinching all the way. 

Eddie gasped at the sight of his chest, and not because Richie was just that sexy. Above Richie's left hip was a horrifically ugly bruise, already all mottled with purple and green. Eddie would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little bit of vomit rise in the back of his throat.

"Richie, this is nasty! Your ribs could be fractured!"

"You think I don't know?" Richie bit his lip hard as Eddie felt the bruise with his fingers, trying to gauge when Richie flinched or not, not at all thinking about the sensation of touching Richie's bare torso. Eddie prodded one spot that made Richie cry out.

"Augh! Hands off, Eds!"

Eddie backed away quickly. "Okay! Yeah, it's probably fractured. Unfortunately the doctors can't even do anything about that. You're just going to have to take it easy and allow it to heal."

Richie frowned deeply. "Great."

"But for now I'm going to wrap some gauze and tape around it, more as a reminder to you not to touch it than anything else. Now stay still."

Eddie grabbed the materials and leaned in, carefully pressing disinfected gauze to the bruise, just in case. Richie's body went stiff with pain as he tried not to squirm. Next, Eddie wrapped his arms all the way around Richie, to circle the medical tape, and found himself breathing in Richie's smell. He smelled like dirt and blood, but also just... like Richie. Warm and musty and comforting. Eddie hoped Richie didn't notice him take a deeper breath than necessary.

"Okay, this next part is going to hurt, as I tighten the tape around your bruise."

"Okay. Get it over with," Richie said with a whine. 

"I'm going to talk about something to distract you. 'Kay?" Eddie just started talking about the first thing that came to mind, as he pressed the tape firmly over the gauze on top of the bruise.

"Have you thought about what college you're going to attend, Rich? It's that time of year, you know, we should be getting letters back soon -"

Richie groaned from discomfort.

"But I don't actually know where you're going, so I'd like to hear about it, Rich... There!"

Eddie took his hands off the tape, but Richie was still frowning, so Eddie worried that he had done something wrong.

"Are you good? Is it too tight? Do I need to fix it?" Eddie fretted, words tumbling out.

Richie shook his head. "I don't want to talk about college."

Eddie shook his head in confusion. "Oh, Richie, that was just to distract you, you don't actually have to respond, it was just on my mind."

Richie's eyebrows furrowed and his frown only deepened. "Well don't ask again. It's no one's business but mine."

Eddie stood up from his kneeling position, surprised by this mood swing.

"Okay!"

Richie pulled his shirt back on, and stood up shakily, leaving the flamingo button-up on Eddie's floor. 

"Good." 

Richie turned away, and Eddie felt his stomach sink. Just a moment ago things had been going so well. Eddie hadn't meant to upset Richie, but clearly he'd pressed on an unknown trigger. See, that was the issue with being Richie's friend. Just when you thought he'd opened up, just when you thought you'd made a breakthrough, something would get Richie all riled up again, and it would be back to square one. Being close with Richie was like gazing through keyholes all the time; only getting snippets and flashes of his true personality, but never the full image. No matter how Eddie pressed his face up against the door, no matter how he scrunched his eyes, he could never see everything hiding behind it. And Eddie hated that door, hated it like nothing else, more than Jeffrey, more than Henry Bowers, and even more than It. 

Because what was the point of it all if Richie would never open up?

Eddie opened his mouth to speak and remedy the situation, but no words came to him.

"Come on," Richie said with a sigh, hooking one leg out the window. "Let's leave before your crazy mom wakes up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the angst, I promise it won't last!


	6. Eyes and Aches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again unedited so far... liked this one though!

Being mad at Eddie was like being mad at a puppy; it never lasted long. Seeing the concern on Eddie's pretty face, his pink lips twisted into a frown... It made Richie feel guilty. Those pouty brown eyes and that soft brown hair... he really was the human incarnation of a Labrador retriever.

And Richie knew he had overreacted. He hadn't meant to be snappy with Eddie. But truth was, Eddie being so close to him, touching his bare skin and breathing on is neck, had made Richie terribly nervous. And he wasn't kidding when he said he didn't want to talk about college; it was one of the touchiest subjects for Richie. Richie knew that things were going to be different between the Losers once they heard back from the colleges and universities they'd applied to, because then they'd finally know who could stay friends and who would be separated by distance. Richie knew that he wasn't going anywhere amazing - he hadn't applied to the best schools, as his family couldn't afford it. And he knew that his grades weren't going to take him far. It's not that Richie was stupid or anything, when he really put his effort into school he could do well. But his grades were all over the map. In the classes he liked more (Theatre, English, Creative Writing) he had solid A's, but classes he didn't enjoy (basically everything else) were low B's and sometimes C's. Those weren't the sort of grades that could get him into a good school.

More than anything, Richie didn't want things to change. He wished he could suspend the losers in time like this, young and innocent and alive, before they received their college letters and would have to face the struggles of adulthood. Richie didn't want to grow up, and he didn't want Eddie to grow up without him. Because he knew Eddie would get into a big college, everyone knew it, he'd probably get in on a big fucking scholarship and leave his old life behind. Eddie had told him before, in soft moments of summer, ice-cream in hand, or muttered to the darkness in between sleeping bags - 'I don't want to be thought of as weak for my whole life. When I graduate, I want to start again, somewhere new. I want to be Eddie Kaspbrak, not the tiny asthmatic kid'. Richie knew what that entailed. It meant that Eddie would leave, Eddie would flourish, and Richie would end up in some community college, cursing himself for never summoning the courage to... to... to do what? Richie wasn't gay, of course he wasn't gay, his Dad would never... And if Eddie made him feel twitchy and nervous, Richie could tell himself it was just because he was scared of opening up, scared of letting anyone in. If his eyes lingered on Eddie's lips too long or he held Eddie a little too tight in a hug, he could let it slide and move on. Richie couldn't be gay - it would only make his life more complicated. 

Richie and Eddie spent most of their day after the fight just limping around Derry and wasting time. Richie couldn't even ride his bike safely, so they couldn't go very far. And with Richie's father home, there was no way Eddie could use Richie's mom's car to drive him around, not when it risked Richie's father seeing him shaky and injured. They used the swings at a children's playground until irritated children began to shoot them glances of annoyance. They bought lunch at McDonald's and hung out around there until they got bored. It was all very normal for the two of them, but they didn't talk much. 

When they opened the front door to Eddie's house, at the time they would normally come home from school, Mrs. K shouted 'hello Eddie!' from the sofa, where she slouched watching television, and Richie knew instantly that they'd gotten away with their lie. She clearly hadn't found out about the suspension. 

"Hey, Mommy, Richie's visiting! We'll see you later!" They shimmied behind the sofa and down the hall before Mrs. K could stop them. This didn't stop her from yelling at them as they exited the room.

"Do your homework before any fun, Eddie! Take your shoes off right this minute! And no sleepovers, you know you need a good sleep!"

Eddie just shook his head when they reached the end of the hall where his room was. "Just ignore her, Rich. You know the drill."

Richie did know. This wasn't the first time they'd directly disobeyed Eddie's mother. They'd had a million unapproved sleepovers and spent many nights staying up late laughing over something ridiculous instead of doing the homework they should be doing. Of course, Eddie would manage to wake up early and get it done anyway, when Richie would get to school with nothing to hand in. Richie had thought that maybe Mrs. K would loosen her grip on Eddie as they aged, that maybe she would begin to let go. But that was certainly not the case. If anything, her vice had grown even tighter. They were eighteen for God's sake! Basically adults. And in a few month's time, they would be living on their own. But it seemed that Mrs. K couldn't ever think of Eddie as grown up. It made Richie so frustrated. He wanted to shout at her, to scream, to let Mrs. K know just how incredible a young man her son had become - how kind, how smart, how strong Eddie was.

Just as they were entering Eddie's room, the phone in the hallway rang. Eddie met Richie's gaze with a flick of his eyes. Richie could see the annoyance there, but Eddie shrugged it off quickly. 

"If that's my fucking mother calling from downstairs I'll -" Eddie began, tearing the phone off the wall. "No. Yes... We were in a fight. No, we're not hurt." Eddie's expression changed suddenly from mildly irritated to oddly flat. "No, no. No..." long pause, "We're at my place. Yes. Okay. You can count on it." A few moments later, Eddie hung up, and the look on his face was unreadable. This was a rare phenomena for Eddie, who always wore his emotions like an open book. "It was Bill."

"Let me guess," Richie leaned on the doorway nonchalantly, trying to ignore the way Eddie's flat expression disturbed him, "he was wondering why we weren't in school."

"Yes." Eddie said, brows furrowed, a blush rising on his face. "He asked if we - he wanted to know - it's kinda weird, but - "

"Spit it out, Eds!"

"Never mind, Rich, it doesn't matter." 

Richie hated not knowing things, but he let it go for the time being, seeing an excitement rising in Eddie's eyes. Eddie continued. "The important thing is, we need to meet the rest of the losers at the parking lot outside of Apple Bee's."

Richie's body already began to ache at the thought of more walking. He hadn't even sat down yet! "Why?"

"Ben needs our help. With his date. He's nervous, and he needs support. The date starts in half an hour, so we better hurry." Eddie glanced at his watch three times while talking, as if the time never quite stuck in his head while his mouth was moving. "He wanted to talk to you."

"Me?" Richie thought of all the dates he'd ever went on, scoffing at the idea of Ben wanting help from his miserable ass. Then, realizing Eddie seemed confused by his lack of humor, corrected himself with "I mean, of course he'd want my advice! I'll let him know all my tips and tricks." Richie rested his hands behind his head and tried to sway his hips, but realized quickly that it was far too painful to be worth the result of Eddie's discomfort. 

Richie didn't like to think about his previous attempts at proper dating - a girl he took to a dance in Freshman year, a girl he got coffee with when he was a Junior. It was always awkward, because he never had much to talk about with them, and they never had much in common. It felt so strange to go on normal dates with normal people who didn't know or had never seen the things that he had - Pennywise's poor victims, the clown himself... it was hard to go back to normal after that. Richie much preferred drunken, clumsy make out sessions at parties, where he could at least numb himself enough to feel like he wanted it, like he actually cared about the girls he kissed and touched.

"Dial down the ego, Rich," Eddie said with any eye role, bringing Richie back to the present. "We gotta go. We gotta have Ben's back." 

* * * 

They found Ben, Bill, Stan, and Mike all in the back parking lot of the Apple Bee's, out of sight from the road. Ben was seated on the curb next to Stan, wearing his nicest clothes, a deep blue knit sweater and second-hand brown loafers. Mike was pacing back and forth, and Bill stood next to Ben, eyes on Stan as Stan comforted Ben with an arm around the shoulder. It seemed that Bill was more preoccupied with watching Stan do the comforting than actually participating in it. 

"Hey, Losers!" Richie announced when he rounded the corner of the restaurant, Eddie by his side.

Bill noticed them first. "Th - thank the L - Lord!"

Mike stopped his pacing, and Stan looked up too, but Ben kept his head down, so stuck in his thoughts that he wasn't registering Richie's entrance. 

"He's stressed," Mike explained, gesturing at Ben with a shrug, "he's nervous! And he wants to know how to make a move properly. Kinda lost here!"

Stan gave Ben a little shoulder squeeze. "Richie and Eddie are here," he muttered to Ben. 

Ben finally looked up from the sidewalk, and his lips twitched into a smile. "Richie. I - I need your help. I'm so nervous, and you, well, you know girls! None of these guys seem to have much experience."

"Right." Richie said, feeling his stomach sink. On a few occasions he had, ah, exaggerated the truth, perhaps. Or glossed over important facts. Or edited them out entirely. Or replaced them with other facts... Truth was, Richie didn't know how the hell to flirt properly. And he'd rarely been successful at it when sober. "What do you need to know, buddy?"

Ben shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "What do I even do? I like Beverly so much, Richie. I just want to make her happy. And, after all these years, I finally get the chance. I just want to get it right. And I can't stop shaking or breathing heavy. I want to take initiative, I want to -" Ben stopped mid-sentence, sizing Richie and Eddie up with his eyes. "Bill said you got into a fight... but I didn't know it was this bad?"

Richie glanced at Eddie from the corner of his eye, but Eddie didn't seem to react. 

"Don't worry about it, Ben, this day is about you and Bev."

"B - b - but, Richie - " Bill interjected. "Are you - y - you -"

"I'm fine, okay? That's what matters. Now let's get on with this." Richie rubbed his palms together, prepared to bullshit himself through this whole lecture. Ben smiled as Richie sat down on his open side, trying not to wince as his sore butt hit the pavement. Richie really did want to try and give advice, as he knew how long Ben had pined, how hard Ben had worked to get Beverly. Ben was always a big kid, but he had worked out and changed his diet so Beverly would notice him, shedding many pounds in the process. It was a little ironic that in the end Bev had realized she'd actually liked Ben the whole time, and not because of his physical appearance. She'd liked the person underneath. And Richie truly did want to help Ben in any way he could. So Richie thought about all the movies he'd watched, all the plays he'd been in, and tried to form a coherent answer. 

"You like Bev. A lot. And she likes you. Otherwise she wouldn't have agreed to this date. You've figured that much out. So, first of all, don't worry about that." Richie began, but suddenly he felt the pressure of Eddie's hand on his shoulder, and felt Eddie sit down next to him on the curb.

"Not to be negative, Rich..." Eddie began, "but -"

"I can already tell this is going to be negative. Cut it out. I'm trying to encourage Ben here!"

Richie turned back to Ben's open face. "Since you already have it clear that you want to be with each other, you can play it cool. Add an air of mystery. You've got to keep yourself interesting to keep her hooked." 

"Excuse me - " Eddie tried again. 

Richie ignored him. "Maybe put an arm around her shoulder. But you can't seem desperate. Stay calm and don't give away too much. She'll like it if she's not always sure how you feel."

"Richie!" Eddie complained. "Let me talk! I know I'm no relationship guru, but I disagree with you. I have some advice too, Ben." Eddie turned towards Ben with a smile, hands clasped together on top of his knees.

Richie fumed. What kind of advice could Eddie possible have? From what experience? There's no way he could bullshit this as well as Richie could, and when Richie thought that he was actually doing a good job for once, Eddie had the nerve to budge in. 

"What?" Richie snapped. Which was harder than he'd liked to admit when looking into the face of a puppy. 

"I just think, I think you're wrong." Eddie reached across Richie's knees and placed a hand on Ben's arm. "No offence Ben, but playing it cool isn't going to work. It's not like you! And Beverly knows who you are, she'll see right through it. But what she doesn't know is how - "

"Really, Eddie, I got this," Richie said, pulling Eddie's arm away from the front of his body, detaching Eddie's hand from Ben's arm. "Look, Ben, you really do want to - "

"NO!" Eddie growled, leaping to his feet suddenly. There was a fieriness in Eddie's demeanor, a fervor in his eyes, that made Richie's mouth clamp shut. "No, Richie, that is terrible advice! Truly terrible!" Eddie pointed a finger in Richie's face accusingly, words firing from his mouth, getting louder by the second. "What I was trying to say to you, Ben, is that you should never take Bev for granted. Ever. Sure she knows you like her, but she doesn't really know, not how much, anyway. So let her know how much! Prove it to her! Make her feel special and wanted and make it absolutely, cookie-cutter clear what you feel for her! Never leave her wondering whether you care. Because you do! So just - just show her already! She should never ever have to doubt your feelings! If you like her just let her fucking know!"

Eddie stopped talking, and a heavy silence fell on the group. He breathed deeply, face scrunched up, slowly realizing the outburst he just displayed. The losers all seemed to nod in unison, and Ben stood up too, patting Eddie on the back. "Thanks, man! I think I'm good now."

The other Losers slowly wandered away from Eddie and Richie, muttering goodbyes. Stan gave Richie an affectionate hair rustle as he left, and Richie heard the door buzzer beep as Ben entered the restaurant. Richie stayed sitting on the curb, stunned by Eddie's words, as Eddie remained standing, staring at his shoes. Richie had had no idea that Eddie was bottling kind of tension up inside; it made his chest ache, and not because of the wounds.

"I'm sorry, Eds." Richie muttered, standing up. "I should've let you talk. I didn't know - "

Suddenly Eddie whipped his neck sideways to face Richie. Their eyes met with a noticeable clash. "Don't be sorry. I shouldn't have yelled, Rich, I don't know what came out of me."

"It's Eddie the bitch, that's what came out of you." Richie said with a sideways grin, watching Eddie stifle a giggle without breaking eye contact. "I see him more and more lately."

"Fuck off," Eddie said, but they both knew it was lighthearted. 

There was a short pause as they both just breathed in the cool afternoon air, studying each other. Richie's eyes searched Eddie's for something he didn't know how to find; whatever deep place that outburst had come from. Maybe Richie was wrong when labeling Eddie a puppy. He was really more of a cat, friendly and sweet until you got on his nerves, and he could snap at you in an instant. Richie didn't know what Eddie was searching for in his eyes, but he hoped Eddie had found it, this unspoken thing, this thing that Richie spent more time trying not to think about than he spent actually thinking about anything.

Richie pushed his glasses up his nose out of habit, and swiped the hair out of his eyes, finally breaking eye contact. 

"Do you really believe what you said? About letting someone know that you like them?" Richie asked softly.

Eddie didn't answer right away, just took a moment to breathe in. "Yes." His eyes slid sideways back to Richie. "Do you believe what you said?"

"Quite frankly, no!" Richie let out a barking laugh. "I was making shit up on the spot."

"Good," Eddie said, and Richie wasn't sure what that meant, but he was too nervous to ask Eddie to clarify.

"Honestly, I'm ready to lie down, Eds."

"Me too, Richie. Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eddie taking out his inner feelings about Richie indirectly was weirdly fun to write.


	7. For The Acting

"O, speak again, bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this night, being o’er my head, as is a winged messenger of heaven. Unto the - "

"No!" Eddie shook his head aggressively. "Richie! You're doing it all wrong."

Eddie watched Richie's face scrunch up from his perch on the edge of his bed. He could practically see right up Richie's nostrils from this angle. Richie was lying on the floor, all rolled up in a sleeping bag, somehow managing to fold his long legs up inside it. It had been Eddie's suggestion to pass the time by doing something productive, rather than just lying around and waiting to fall asleep. There was nothing more useless than waiting to fall asleep - you may as well just be asleep anyway, because you'd be doing the same amount of nothing, but you'd at least be recharging in the process. Eddie couldn't do nothing for too long, as his mind raced a thousand miles a minute. But Richie could probably do nothing for hours and hours without any desire to get up. It drove Eddie crazy. Eddie had so many thoughts, so many instincts, and just lying in his bed staring at the ceiling was accomplishing none of them. Although Richie had seemed content enough to lie on Eddie's floor for the rest of the day in silence, he'd still agreed to a line run, but Eddie could tell that the exhaustion was beginning to creep in.

"Let me remind you that I'm the actor here, Eds," Richie said, sticking his nose in the air and folding his arms behind his head.

"Don't call me that!" Eddie muttered instinctively.

"So what am I doing so wrong? I have the words right, don't I?"

Eddie nodded. "That's not what was wrong... I mean, I know you're tired, but even if we're not doing physical actions, you need to put some acting into your voice, too."

"I thought I was!" Richie sat up in the sleeping bag, arms crossed. 

"Then that's the problem!" Eddie cleared his throat. "You love Juliet! So you've gotta sound like you love her."

"Fine." Richie began from the top of the same line. "O, speak again, bright angel - "

"I don't believe you!" Eddie pointed an accusing finger. Richie stumbled on.

"... bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this - "

"I don't hear any love, Richie!" And Eddie wasn't just pointing this out to be a pain in the ass. Richie's voice sounded flat. Even with specific emphasis and a knowledge of what his lines meant, there was something essential missing from Richie's performance: passion. 

"Okay, then you give it a try, Mr. Acting Coach!"

"No, no, you've gotta figure this out on your own." Eddie swung his legs over the side of the bed, so he could have a better view of Richie's face. Richie lay back down, taking a deep breath, steadying himself. "Imagine her," Eddie spoke softly, "you can see her. Juliet. The love of your life - she's standing there on the balcony above you..."

"This is weird, Eddie. Let me remind you that Juliet is thirteen." Richie shot him a sideways glance. "And I've only known her for less than twenty four hours."

"Just imagine her older, okay?" Eddie gave Richie a long pause to picture it. "She'd standing above you, and you're about to discover that she's thinking about you! Imagine the way your heart must be pounding. You must be so nervous! But excited. You hang on her every word..." Richie nodded calmly. "Now say your lines."

Richie began slowly, "O, speak again bright angel, for thou art as glorious to the night as - Eddie! I can't do this." Richie couldn't even get a full sentence into it, (though that's kind of confusing considering Shakespeare doesn't use periods as often as books do now), prompting an eye-roll from Eddie.

"How come? It's not that har - "

Richie groaned. "I can't picture anyone because nobody's there! I'm just searching for the stains on your ceiling. Which, by the way, there aren't any... Anyway! It's so different onstage when I can see Juliet, when she's actually there, you know?"

Eddie sighed, standing on the cold wooden floor and walking around to the foot of Richie's sleeping bag. He sat down cross legged, gesturing for Richie to sit up too.

"Then pretend I'm Juliet. Direct your words to me, if that helps." Eddie hoped Richie couldn't see the blush on his face at the thought of Richie calling him 'bright angel' and 'glorious'. 

"That might actually help." Richie near-whispered, so even Eddie could barely hear it. "Okay. Ahem - "

Their eyes met even in the dim light of Eddie's bedside lamp, and Eddie smiled encouragingly, holding one thumb up.

"O, speak again... bright angel! Thou art as glorious to this night, being o’er my head, as is a winged messenger of heaven, unto the white-upturned wond’ring eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him..."

Something was different this time in Richie's tone, in the way his words shaped themselves into emotions. Eddie didn't break his smile as Richie continued on, leaning forward in his sleeping bag more and more with each line.

"When he bestrides the lazy puffing clouds, and sails upon the bosom of the air!"

Eddie joined in, knowing the next line off by heart, having practiced it enough times with Richie before. "O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I’ll no longer be a Capulet!"

Richie made a hysterical face of shock, but the authenticity didn't leave his voice. "Shall I hear more... or shall I speak at this?" Richie squirmed quickly out of the sleeping bag and jumped to his feet, eyes never leaving Eddie's face. Eddie scrambled for the script book to get his next line, flopping on his bed and pulling it towards him.

"’Tis but thy name that is my enemy; thou art thyself, though not a Montague... blah blah blah, metaphors about names... and for thy name, which is no part of thee, take all myself!" Eddie flipped onto his back on the bed, and Richie stood over him, lines flowing out in a natural way that Eddie had never seen come from him before. 

"I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptiz’d..." Richie breathed heavily, and, for once, Eddie could really hear the love in his voice, could see the want in his eyes, could feel the power of Richie's acting in his bones. At 'baptiz'd', Richie placed his hands on the bed on either side of Eddie, and slowly began crawling on top of him with a wicked grin on his face. "... Henceforth I never will be Romeo." 

Eddie felt frozen in place with Richie all around him. He knew it was for the acting, of course, for the effect, but it still made Eddie stumble with reading his next line.

"What man art thou that... that thus bescreen’d in night, so stumblest on my counsel?" Eddie made mocking motions with his eyebrows, but Richie seemed unfazed, not even breaking eye contact as he crawled closer to Eddie, fully chest to chest, to speak his next part.

"By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am..." Richie cocked his head, and in the lamplight his bruise looked darker and more painful than before, as much of it as Eddie could see through Richie's thick-framed glasses. "My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee..." Suddenly Eddie could feel Richie's fingers brush his cheek, gently, and he almost pulled away from the shock of the touch. Richie practically whispered the last line into Eddie's ear; "... had I it written, I would tear the word."

Eddie only broke eye contact to scan the script book, stuttering as badly as Bill on the next line.

"My e - ears have yet not drunk a - a hundred words of thy t - tongue’s uttering, yet I know the sound. Art thou not Romeo, and a Montague?" Eddie swallowed slowly, trying to decipher Richie's teasing smile. Eddie could feel the details of Richie's body against his... the gauze under his shirt, his individual ribs... Eddie imagined what it would be like to take that shirt off, to rip it off like their lives depended on it, to feel Richie's bare skin on his... he gulped audibly, and Richie stumbled with his words.

"Neither, fair maid... or... or... fuck it, Eddie! I forgot the line!"

"It's, ah..." Eddie found their spot in the book, "neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike."

"If either thee dislike... if either thee dislike..." Richie repeated, rolling off Eddie and onto the bed next to him, breaking the spell of words that had settled on them earlier. Eddie knew he wasn't Juliet, even if he'd filled that spot for a moment. Though Eddie had to admit that he envied whoever was playing her - whoever got to be looked at that way by Richie every rehearsal was an unfairly lucky girl. 

"I'll get it next time, I promise, Eds." Richie said, sitting up, dark hair falling in his eyes. 

"You were really good this time, you know."

"Yeah?" Richie winked. "I figured that's why you didn't stop me..." then Richie stood up and stretched his long arms, grimacing from what Eddie assumed was the pain in his ribs. "Gotta brush my teeth."

Richie stood and left the room, as Eddie watched him leave, trying to understand what Richie was feeling. They'd always been close, comfortably close, but somehow this had felt different. Even though it was acting, Eddie had felt like Richie really was speaking to him, in a way. It had certainly helped, that Eddie was sure of. Richie's performance had felt real in ways Eddie hadn't known Richie had the capability of expressing through acting.

* * * 

Eddie fell asleep soundly that night, listening to Richie's rough breathing from the floor next to him. He hadn't felt this content in ages... As he drifted off, Eddie thought about what Bill had asked him on the phone that day, the thing Eddie had almost told Richie but had decided to hold back. Before Eddie could explain what happened with the fight, Bill had, seemingly out of nowhere, asked; 'are you and Ri - Richie dating?' Eddie had been shocked, and had answered with a shaky 'No. No no!' But the comment made Eddie wonder... The leader of the losers club was a smart guy. If Bill suspected something between them, was it possible that Eddie hadn't imagined the tender moments he'd shared with Richie? Was it possible that Richie's actions weren't all for show? Maybe Eddie's hoping was more realistic than he'd expected...

Eddie awoke suddenly in middle of the night to a mix of groaning and screeching. With a dexterity Eddie didn't know he possessed, he flung himself out of bed, still wrapped in his blanket, and clapped a hand over Richie's open mouth. 

"Rich, Richie, shhhhh. We can't wake my mom, Rich. It's just a dream, shhhhh..." Eddie muttered soothingly into Richie's ear, brushing his hair out of his face affectionately.

It took Richie a moment to fully emerge from the dream. He looked a fright - sweaty and breathing ferociously, pale in the moonlight filtering through Eddie's window. Eddie knew that Richie had a problem with nightmares, but he'd never seen it first hand before. 

"Eds?" Richie queried into the near darkness. "Eds, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Eddie whispered, arms wrapped around Richie, who was still shaking like a spiderweb in a storm. "It's not your fault, it's just a dream."

As Richie drew in a shaking breath, he sniffled, and Eddie realized that Richie was crying. He drew his small arms as tight as he could around the other teen, resting his face on Richie's neck as they sat together, legs entangled and breath mingling.

"I dreamed about him, Eddie... it felt so real. The way he hurt me... I thought - " Richie fought tears, but they streamed down his face anyway, as Eddie could feel the warm droplets touch his forehead when they reached Richie's neck. 

"It wasn't real this time, Rich. You're safe. You're with me, with Eddie. I've got you."

Eddie didn't know how long they sat like that, wrapped around each other, but probably a couple minutes before Richie spoke again. It sounded like his crying had stopped.

"Could you stay here?" Richie's voice was very small, almost inaudible, and the only reason Eddie could hear it was because his ears were just below Richie's lips. "Could you just... keep holding me?"

Eddie felt his chest hurt to think of how frightened Richie must be to act so vulnerable. 

"Of course."

They lay down in Richie's sleeping bag together, as Eddie was small enough to just squeeze in. He never let his arms detach from Richie. They lay on their sides, and Eddie tucked his head into the crook of Richie's neck, arms wrapped around his waist. He could feel the pound of Richie's heart reverberating in his own body. Nothing had ever felt this natural with Richie. They needed no words. They just slid into these positions like they'd done it a million times, like this wasn't the first time they'd shared a sleeping bag. Eddie's heart was breaking for Richie, for how helpless he was to his best friend's situation. But if Eddie could make a difference by just being there, by holding Richie when he needed it, then he would never hesitate to do so.

They didn't speak again until the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting cozy my friends... Just the flirting I needed to write.


	8. Introducing The Flood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this is getting so cute I can't stop smiling while I write...

Being suspended wasn't nearly as bad as it seemed. Richie had learned this lesson years ago when he'd gotten into his first fight on school grounds. As long as your parents didn't care or didn't find out, being suspended didn't really have any consequences. Other than not having to go to school - which was a good thing as far as Richie was concerned. Universities or colleges didn't see suspensions on your transcript. Thank God for that, too, or Eddie would probably be pissing himself with nerves by now. 

The good thing about this particular suspension was that Richie got to spend more time with Eddie. Richie's injuries were beginning to heal, his bruises were fading, though the pain in his side was still prominent. Though Richie caught Eddie sneaking glances to check on him all day, he didn't mind it. It was sort of nice to have someone looking out for him, caring about him, when he knew he could never find that at home. Richie's father was, well, Richie's father... and his mom wasn't cold, but she was distant, detached, and paid little attention to Richie. Maybe she had to be that way, Richie thought, knowing what his father was like. If she was too attached she would've been mentally destroyed by seeing what Richie was put through. Maybe Richie would've acted the same way in her situation. 

So it was surprisingly soothing to have Eddie by his side, asking too many questions about how much he was hurting. 

Richie had had a nightmare last night, and Eddie had been there for him. In a moment of emotional weakness, Richie had asked Eddie to stay with him, and they'd slept cuddled together until Eddie school alarm went off at seven. It had taken him a moment to register that he was waking up with Eddie's arms wrapped around him, and he'd felt an incredible surge of happiness at the feeling of Eddie's breath on his neck, the smell and feel of him flooding Richie's senses. But just as soon as he'd remembered why they were positioned like this, Eddie had removed his arms and struggled out of the sleeping bag, stumbled to his bedside table, and slapped his alarm off aggressively. They'd looked at each other as Eddie had turned to face the sleeping bag, neither saying anything. Eddie's face had been like a blank slate, except for his eyebrows carefully scrunched together. Eddie had scanned Richie, sighed, and then broke his stern countenance with a very small, comforting smile that had made Richie feel warm once again. They hadn't talked about Richie's nightmare, or that they'd slept together like a couple, or about the (somewhat humiliating) fact that Richie was the little spoon, but they didn't have to. That smile from Eddie had been enough, had meant more than any words he could've said. Richie had never felt more seen and accepted than he had in that moment, that soft, sweet smile wrinkling Eddie's freckled cheeks. 

They'd went back to sleep after the alarm, Eddie in his own bed this time, and Richie had woken up past noon. Eddie was eating cereal in his bed, and had left Richie a bowl at the foot of the sleeping bag, which he'd devoured like a wild animal. Eddie had also laid out an outfit of his own clothes on the floor, as Richie's were ridiculously dirty from the fight. Richie scoffed at the length of Eddie' jeans, and Eddie had shot him a glare. "They're the longest I have, take 'em or leave 'em." It had felt strangely intimate climbing into Eddie's clothes. The jeans went to Richie's mid-calf, and he'd rolled them up to under his knees to disguise them as capris. Eddie had given him a plain forest green t-shirt. It was Richie's favorite color on Eddie, and it had felt like betrayal to slide that shirt on himself.

Now they were sitting in a park eating ice-cream in the late afternoon, and Eddie was still shooting Richie worried glances, even with Richie's insistence that he's completely fine. The other losers were scheduled to arrive at any minute, as school had just ended, and they were to supposed meet Richie and Eddie in the park. Then, as a group, they would all bike to their clubhouse in the woods (Richie and Eddie had retrieved their bikes from the school earlier), the one Ben had built years ago. As they had grown up, the clubhouse had become a place for the losers to get drunk together, a place where they could relax and just be teenagers without any consequences.

As Richie bit down on the last of his ice-cream cone, he saw Beverly marching towards them out of the corner of his eye. 

"Guys!" Bev called, patting her backpack with a smug smile on her face, "I got us something!"

Eddie looked up from his remaining ice-cream and sighed. Bev plopped down on the bench next to Richie, and carefully placed her backpack on the table in front of them. Richie could hear the clinking of bottles from within the innocent looking school bag. 

"It's a Wednesday, Bev," Eddie complained, knowing full well what she was hiding.

"So? I can't take it all home, so we're going to have to drink it."

Richie smiled and patted Bev's back. "That's my girl, Beverly!" He was totally prepared to get drunk tonight. Richie needed the release of alcohol, and it never failed to help him chill out. He loved the tipsy feeling where the world just sort of softened, where every joke was ten times funnier and every emotion amplified.

When the rest of the gang arrived, they hopped on their bikes and raced each other to the forest, yelling and laughing with the excitement of youth. The biking made Richie's side ache, and each breath in produced a twinge of pain, but he was so happy that it didn't matter. He watched Eddie bike ahead of him, his tame brown hair being riled and lifted by the wind, his little legs pumping with each rotation of the gears. All of them were smiling, giggling, blissful in their ignorance. It was moments like this that made Richie scared of getting older. What if he could never have this again? What if this feeling of contentedness would end here, and he'd never be able to feel it again?

* * *

They were all a few drinks in (except for Eddie and Stan) when Richie made his announcement.

"You know what we should do? What we haven't done in years?"

The losers all responded with 'I don't know' and 'what are you saying', tipsy enough not to predict what Richie was about to suggest. They were all sprawled about the clubhouse, some on the floor and the hammock, with Eddie perched delicately on a chair. Eddie shot Richie a pointed look that told him not to suggest anything stupid, because, at this point, the losers would agree to anything.

Richie mimed pressing a doorbell and running down veranda steps. "Ding dong ditch! We haven't played in years. It would be fun out here in the woods, with the rural houses! Lots of places to hide."

"Nooooo," Stan groaned, "we stopped playing because we're too old for that."

"I say we're never too old!" Bev exclaimed. "I'm in!"

Mike just laughed from his position on the hammock next to Bill. "I don't know, guys..."

Eddie shook his head. Richie watched his reaction carefully.

Ben chimed in, following Beverly's lead. "I'm in too."

"Come on, guys," Eddie sighed, "I'm with Stan here! That's something I would've done in grade nine, maybe, but not now."

"It's 'cause you're a pussy," Richie teased.

Everyone turned slowly to Bill, all of them knowing that it was ultimately their leader's decision. Bill sat with his legs crossed in front of the hammock, bear in hand. He glanced at each of the losers, eyes flicking up and lingering a little longer on Stan than the others. Maybe if he was less drunk Bill would've said no, and Richie could tell that Bill was tempted to refuse just to please Stan. But, in the end, he nodded his head.

"I d - don't see why not?" 

Richie cheered and leaped to his feet, ignoring Eddie's barbed glare. "This'll be fun!"

* * *

Their first victim was a bungalow, small and dark with shuttered windows, on the side of the winding road that led through the forest. There was singular light on in the room closest to the door. The losers were huddled behind the six foot tall shrub that surrounded the place, talking in whispers among themselves. It was in the early stages of the even, as it was just beginning to get dark, so so far they hadn't needed to use the flashlights they'd taken from the clubhouse in their pockets.

"Okay," Eddie said, trying to be strategic, "someone should go through the gate, I guess? Run down the side path?"

"But who?" Mike asked. "I vote not me!"

"Me neither!" Stan replied.

"Fuck this," Richie muttered. He wasn't about to wait for these goofs to decide. He rounded the hedge and hurtled straight for the front door, out in plain sight, but he didn't care. If anyone was looking out the window it would be very hard to see any specifics of his appearance in the near-darkness. 

Richie knew something was wrong about halfway to the door, but he was so focused on his goal that he didn't register the barking at first. Once he did, he skidded to a halt, turning only to see a German Shepherd the size of a small horse come barreling towards him, fangs out and spittle flying. Images of Richie's body torn to bits by those massive teeth filled his mind.

"Shit!" 

Richie tried to turn away and run, but he knew the dog would get to him all the same. Why had he suggested they play this game? Why? Richie had enough bruises already! Plus his head was still fuzzy from the alcohol, so he wasn't sure he could even fight back properly. He readied his body for the blow as he ran.

"Hey fuckface!" Richie heard Eddie shout as the dog gave a startled bark from only feet behind him. Eddie had hit the beast with his flashlight, and right in the nose too. 

The giant dog turned it's muzzle to Eddie and took off in that direction, away from where Richie stood, still panting.

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!" Eddie screamed as the dog took off after him. Eddie turned on his heels and bolted like his life depended on it. Perhaps it did. The other losers looked around, stunned, then began to run into the trees after Eddie and the dog.

"Guys!" Richie yelled, running after them with what breath was left in his lungs. 

Soon they all stopped running, because they'd lost Eddie and the dog. It was like the forest had swallowed them up. Richie couldn't hear anymore barking. His heart beat so fast that he could feel it in his ears. Where was Eddie? This was all Richie's fault. He should never have suggested such a stupid idea. They waited in the trees for another few minutes, hoping that Eddie might circle back, but nothing happened. They even retraced their steps to the bungalow, but still no sign of Eddie. Richie started to panic.

"Fuck!" Richie yelled. "We've gotta find him. Guys, we've gotta find him!"

Bill split them all up into groups, except for Richie, who wanted to go it alone as a punishment for his terrible idea. No one argued with him on that. They switched their flashlights on, as it was getting dark, and all set out into the forest. As Richie searched, calling out Eddie's name softly to the night, he cursed himself internally for being so dumb, for not listening to Eddie and Stan. If only Richie wasn't so stubborn, none of this would've happened. Eddie wouldn't be missing. Richie tried not to think about all the things that could've happened to Eddie, what a big dog like that could've done to Eddie's little body. These thoughts were driving Richie wild. His veins pumped loudly with blood and a grimace remained fixed on his face. This was all his fault. An anger at the world itself was rising in Richie's body, an anger like the one he'd felt when he'd fought those bullies for Eddie. And panic, he felt so much panic too. His thoughts got way ahead of himself, and he felt his chest tighten at the thought of Eddie hurt or damaged in any way. Richie could hardly take it. Eddie was his to protect and take care of, and it ate away at Richie that Eddie could really be harmed because of him! Because of an idiotic drunken suggestion! 

Then, when Richie'd been searching for fifteen minutes, and swore he'd circled around the same place multiple times, he heard a small voice from above him, and shone his flashlight in it's direction.

"Richie?"

Eddie was perched in a tree, about ten feet off the ground, with eyes as wide as an owl's.

"Eddie, Eddie, are you okay? Are you hurt?" Richie took no time rushing to the base of the tree. 

"No, no... Is it gone?" Eddie asked, and Richie knew he was asking about the dog.

"Yes. Eddie! Eddie get down here! I was so worried, Eds..."

The second Eddie's feet touched the ground, Richie enveloped him in a bear hug, dropping his flashlight at their feet. He squeezed Eddie tight to his chest, breathing in the smell of Eddie's hair gel, relishing in the feeling of holding Eddie so close to him, safe and sound at last. 

"Rich, I'm okay, 'M okay, really." Eddie muttered into Richie's (actually Eddie's) shirt. 

Richie didn't want to let go, and he didn't want to admit the depth of worry he had felt when he couldn't find Eddie. Imagining a world without Eddie in it... would Richie always feel that lost and desperate? Richie promised himself then that he would never let anything bad happen to Eddie, not ever. The pain and darkness he'd experienced imagining what could've happened to Eddie had been more deep and real than any emotion he'd ever known. Richie had felt anger before, but not as strong as this. Richie had been frightened of his father, no doubt, but never as intensely frightened as he'd been imagining Eddie gone.

"Eds, my Eds, you saved me! But I was so scared... Scared you were hurt, scared I'd lost you..." Richie murmured softly. "I don't want to go home to my father, Eds, but that doesn't scare me as much as this. I can face him. I can face anything." Richie let out a deep, rumbling sigh. "But, Eds... I can't lose you. Not ever."

Richie felt Eddie still in his arms, and felt his own heartbeat begin to slow. Fuck it. Richie wasn't going to pretend anymore. He'd known it for years, but never admitted it to himself, the fear of his father's wrath always creeping into his mind. But Richie had experienced a fear worse than that now, and he knew it was no use to hide his feelings any longer. Richie was pretty certain he was gay. He'd never felt towards girls the way he felt towards Eddie. And all of Richie's teasing and smiling and unnecessary eye-contact had been flirting this whole time, even if Richie didn't know it himself. But he knew it now, standing in the middle of the woods and holding Eddie in his arms, he felt the love he harbored for Eddie Kaspbrak surge through him like a river in a storm. His dam was broken and his banks were overflowing, water demolishing everything in it's path. Now Richie was fully ready to let down his defenses and allow Eddie in... Finally Richie was ready to love. And he would make sure Eddie knew it. He wasn't sure how, yet, but Richie knew that he was going to make Eddie feel like he was the center of Richie's world. Because he was.

"Not ever..." Eddie whispered, and Richie felt his heart beat faster in his chest.

"Um, guys?" A voice said from the darkness.

Richie broke the embrace to snatch his flashlight off the ground and shine it towards the sound. Mike and Beverly stood there, watching them with half-smiles. 

"Let's find the others and get outta here!" Bev exclaimed. 

"Good idea," Richie said, but his resolve was not forgotten. 

Richie loved Eddie Kaspbrak, and he was never going to lose him.


	9. Time To Party

Eddie swore that Richie seemed different on their first day back from suspension. He wasn't sure what it was about Richie that caught Eddie's attention... was it his face perhaps? Or his mannerisms? Eddie couldn't be certain about the specifics, but he knew Richie wasn't the same. What Richie had said to Eddie the other night, when he'd gotten lost... 'I can't lose you. Not ever' those words were stuck in Eddie's head, bouncing around all day, getting in between his thoughts of homework and note-taking. They would come to him when Eddie was least expecting it. He'd be washing his hands in the bathroom and bam! Suddenly he could feel Richie's arms surrounding him, and could hear him speaking in these hushed tones that warmed Eddie's chest. Eddie's breathing would speed up at the thought, and he could feel his body begin to sweat. Eddie knew he had to get control of himself... but experiencing Richie so protective and, above all else, caring, made Eddie feel overwhelmed with joy.

First to the loser's designated lunch table, Eddie waited for Richie to arrive, curious to try and figure out what was so different about the other teen. He took out his lunch bag and began to eat his cheese sandwich contemplatively, smiling through his bite as he watched Ben and Beverly approach. They hadn't specifically discussed it last night, but all the losers knew that the Apple Bee's date had been a success. Bev and Ben couldn't stop making flirty eye-contact at every break in conversation, and they held hands when they walked anywhere now, as they were doing while they approached Eddie at lunch. Eddie was really happy for them. Ben had been so concerned about his physical appearance (despite the fact that he'd lost most of his excess weight), and Bev had been so worried about feeling too controlled in a relationship, but it turned out that both of their worries were completely inconsequential. They truly cared about one another, and Eddie wished them the best deep in his heart. But he couldn't help being a twinge jealous. Seeing Bev and Ben so happy made Eddie wish he could feel it too. That connection, that love, that support. Eddie had felt those things for Richie for years, but all Richie seemed to do was tease. Until recently... and last night... last night was the first time Eddie felt the door of Richie's thoughts open without snapping immediately back shut. Just a crack, perhaps, but a crack was still better than any keyhole. It had felt like a breakthrough. And Eddie had done the strangest thing last night. When cleaning his room before dinner, Eddie had found the pink flamingo shirt Richie had carelessly tossed on Eddie's floor and left there. The shirt was so dirty that it made Eddie squirm, but he'd managed to get it to the washing machine, to clean it up to give to Richie tomorrow. And when Eddie had taken it out of the dryer... well... he'd decided to keep it. Until Richie asked of course. That was the strange part. And then Eddie had went to sleep, with his nose purposefully burrowed in Richie's freshly washed button-down.

Bev plopped down across from Eddie, and Ben followed suite, sliding into the booth next to her. Bev pecked a sweet little kiss on Ben's cheek, causing Ben to blush gently, before turning to smile at Eddie.

"Hey guys," Eddie mumbled through his sandwich, "how are you?"

"Amazing." Ben smiled. Beverly leaned her head on Ben's shoulder for a moment, which prompted Ben's smile to grow to a grin.

Eddie wiggled his eyebrows. "I see." 

The other two took out their lunches and began to eat too as Stan and Bill arrived at their table. Bill's face changed the slightest bit as he saw Ben and Bev cozied up to each other, just the tiniest twitch of his jaw muscle, but he only hesitated a second before scooting in next to Ben. Stan kept his hand on the small of Bill's back as he sat down, which Eddie took note of. None of them had sat on Eddie's side of the booth, like they'd all known the spot next to Eddie was always reserved for Richie, which Eddie wasn't sure how to feel about. Eddie and Richie were definitely close, but it's not like Eddie was Richie's property or anything. The other losers were permitted to sit next to him! They didn't have to always save the place next to Eddie for Richie. 

Because Eddie knew... Eddie knew the truth that none of them wanted to utter. College was going to change everything. That spot next to Eddie didn't belong to Richie because, quite frankly, Richie wouldn't always be there to fill it. There was no way that Eddie and Richie were going to attend the same post-secondary institution. Of course, wherever they ended up, they would still find ways to see each other, all the losers would. There was no way they were all just going to let their precious friendships disappear. But Eddie knew he had to mentally prepare himself for the lack of the losers in his life. And he had to ready himself for the lack of Richie too... Whatever college or university offered Eddie the most money was the one he would attend, and all of his options were far away from Derry, far away from the community colleges that Richie anticipated getting into. It pained Eddie to imagine spending so much time away from his best friend, but he knew a good education should always come first.

"S - so," Bill asked, "is everyone re - ready for our Biology test?"

"Of course," Ben said, probably intending to impress everyone with some interesting biology facts, but he never finished his sentence, because that's when Richie appeared, slid into the booth next to Eddie, and folded his hands on the table. Eddie nearly spat out his sandwich at the sight of Richie's face so open and happy. That's what it was, Eddie realized, the thing he knew felt different. Richie was, for once, truly happy. His smiles were bigger. His shoulders even seemed lighter. Of course his snarky comments were no different, and his complete lack of focus hadn't changed, but Richie was definitely more upbeat. Everyone else seemed to notice this too, and they all sort of squinted in confusion at Richie.

"Are you good?" Stan asked Richie, looking positively stumped at the sight of him.

Richie looked at them all individually, baffled, eyes landing on Eddie and staying there. "Yeah, of course I'm good, do I not looking fucking good to you?"

Stan shrugged. "I don't know..."

Bev opened her mouth like she was going to give a shot at explaining Richie's change in countenance, but after a moment she closed it again, and just shook her head. 

"Your s - smiling a lot." Bill said, getting right to the point.

"Oh." Richie said, gesturing with his gangly arms in the air. "Do I not normally?"

"You don't. It's unsettling." Eddie muttered, taking a large bite of his sandwich to avoid making eye-contact. 

He felt Richie lean in a little closer next to him. "Maybe I should make it a habit? Do I have a nice smile?" Although spoken to the group, the questions were casually directed towards Eddie.

"I like... I like your smile." Eddie said honestly. "It's nice to see you not looking annoyed or condescending."

Richie scoffed at that, placing an offended hand to his chest. 

"I'm not a fan of it," Stan groaned, "it makes you look like you're hiding something!"

"How do you know I'm not?" Richie said with wiggling eyebrows. 

"Richie," Beverly said, "you say literally everything that's on your mind. What could you possibly be hiding?"

"She's got a point," Ben said, eyes lingering on his girlfriend's face. 

Eddie felt Richie's bare elbow brush his from where it was rested on the table. This time Eddie nearly dropped his sandwich. And then when Richie's elbow stayed there, resting, as they continued to talk, Eddie felt his whole arm begin to tingle with wonder at the sensation.

That's when Mike got to their table, and it was no joke to say that his giant smile was almost as eerie as Richie's.

"Oh my God, losers, I have something I need to tell you!"

Everyone buzzed and murmured among themselves as Mike sat down next to Richie and leaned in, speaking in a whisper. "I got us invited to a party. Tonight."

The group whooped and cheered, and Eddie rolled his eyes as Richie slapped Mike on the back especially hard and with a burst of excitement at the prospect of getting drunk again. 

"I know! I was asked by the guys on the basketball team to bring a bunch of friends!"

The losers were all instantly pumped, but Eddie only spoke what they were all thinking. "It's Thursday."

"Yeah, but Friday is a teacher development day. Long weekend, baby!" Mike pumped his fist in the air. "It's at this rich, super-fancy mansion with a pool and a hot tub. We're going to have an amazing time."

Richie turned to Eddie then, eyes settling comfortably on Eddie's profile. "Aren't you excited, Eds?"

Eddie realized he'd been so preoccupied that he hadn't responded at all.

"Yeah, sure." Eddie swallowed into his dry throat, feeling suddenly very tired. "I've never been to a party before."

"Don't worry, Eds, I'll help you get ready. Parties are all about the mindset."

Richie's happy grin was irresistible, so Eddie just nodded, not able to explain just how terribly stressed the thought of parties made him.

* * * 

Later that day, about an hour before the party, Eddie found himself standing in front of his mirror, staring at his wardrobe of clothes in bewilderment. Richie sat on the floor next to Eddie (his legs being too long for Eddie's chair), legs stretched out in relaxation. Eddie didn't understand how Richie could be so calm and collected when Eddie was internally panicking. Maybe it was this new happiness that made Richie so agreeable, but every outfit Eddie held up Richie had praised. It really hadn't helped Eddie make any real decisions. 

"This is my first party. What do I wear? What should I choose?" Eddie kept murmuring questions under his breath, not really intending for Richie to pay attention to his words, never mind give him an answer. 

"I don't know. Don't stress about it. All the outfits you showed me are good."

"Ugh, Richie, you really aren't any help!"

Richie looked through his hair and glasses to meet Eddie's eyes. "I can't help it if I like your whole wardrobe!"

Eddie laughed at that, and then realized that Richie actually wasn't being sarcastic. "Oh. Wait. You mean that."

"Yeah." Richie unfolded his legs from under him and stood up, surveying Eddie's closet. "But if you really fucking want me to choose..."

Richie nabbed a deep green knit sweater, much like the color of shirt Eddie had given Richie to wear the other day, and then a pair of well-pressed khaki pants. "These are nice."

"Okay, sure, why not." Eddie gestured at Richie to turn away, then slipped the clothes on. Eddie had to admit that it wasn't a bad choice. Richie had more sense of fashion than he cared to reflect in his own clothes. Richie turned around to look at Eddie and smiled that new happy smile, the one so free of Richie's customary misery and baggage. It made Eddie's heart race just seeing that smile reflected in the mirror.

"I love that color on you," Richie said.

Eddie barely heard the kind words because of how fast his mind was racing. Social situations were never Eddie's strength, and he felt nearly paralyzed with fear at the thought of going to a party. What if he drank too much? What if he embarrassed himself? What if he embarrassed his friends? There were so many things that could go wrong... not to mention the amount of germs at parties! The bacteria would be having a rager of their own. Eddie had already slipped hand-sanitizer into his back pocket in preparation. What if someone tried to kiss him? And what if it was someone he really didn't like? What if it was someone he did? Eddie knew he should go, that it would be a good way of facing his fears, but the thought still made his palms sweat and his head ache. Eddie didn't realize that he was hyperventilating with his eyes squeezed shut until he felt Richie's arms circle around his waist. 

"You'll be great, Eds, don't worry." Richie said into Eddie's meticulously groomed hair. He could feel Richie's lips moving against his scalp. Eddie shivered. 

"You think so, Rich?"

"I know so."

Richie squeezed Eddie's waist even tighter, in a gentle way that Eddie had imagined Richie doing many times... As Richie pulled away, Eddie swore he felt the ghost of a kiss pressed to the back of his head. This only made Eddie's breathing speed up. How could Richie tease him so badly without at least meaning some of it? Eddie made a pact to himself to find out Richie's true feelings before the night was over, because he couldn't take this not knowing anymore. Eddie had loved Richie since before they'd even got to high school, and all this new touching and smiling was practically torture without understanding what Richie really meant by it. Eddie knew he'd get to the bottom of Richie's motives. And if Eddie found out that it was all only teasing, nothing would really change. Things would go back to normal with Richie, they'd still have their friendship of course, and nothing would be different. But if Eddie found out that Richie was serious, that the flirting was for real... then Eddie knew things would change; and, good Lord - Eddie wanted them to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo guuyyyysss... over twenty thousand words in just nine days of writing this fic, wow. Anyone who has left kudos or a sweet comment, you all make my day and are the reason I've managed to power through nine days straight of updates. You are what motivates me to write! Anyway, I'm getting sappy, but thank you.
> 
> Also finally we are getting to the exciting part of this fic, yay...


	10. In The Dark

Mike wasn't lying when he said the party house was mansion. It was practically a fucking palace. Richie was so prepared for this, he felt his heart race with the anticipation of alcohol in his veins. He thought after all the insanity of the last few days, that a party was certainly not what he needed. But, the problem was, when Richie was stressed out he didn't ever want to relax - relaxing just gave him more time to think about everything he was fucking up. When Richie was stressed he liked to push his problems to the farthest back part in his mind and get drunk and dance and make himself feel so overwhelmed that he forgot about being stressed entirely. Richie knew this was sort of a problem, and not exactly good for his health, but it was hard for him to step away from the joy and pleasure of the moment to stop himself from going too far.

That's what had happened the night of the Spring Formal. Richie had went too far. The more Richie thought about that night, the more he remembered it. He had tried to forget, to ignore the embarrassment he'd felt at his behavior. Making Eddie drive him home and drag him to his bed like some incapable small child... it hurt Richie to even think about it. But, truth was, that night had been a really bad one... Richie's father had just gotten home from a construction project that night, and he'd gotten angry, very angry at Richie for 'borrowing' his bow-tie for the dance. Richie didn't have one, and he'd wanted to look nice, to dress up a little bit... he'd been so excited to see the look on Eddie's face, to see how Eddie would respond to Richie all dressed up. But, as Richie was getting ready, his father had walked into his room, and instantly noticed Richie's vibrant orange dress pants. "What's this, huh? You trying to look like a little queer?" Richie's father had commented. And then he'd spotted the bow-tie on Richie's neck. He was ragingly drunk, and he'd exploded on Richie, hitting him over and over again until he was a crying, shriveled mess on the floor of his bedroom. "You want it this bad?" Richie's father had roared, "then keep the damn bow-tie, you little faggot!" 

After the dance, Richie had put the bow-tie away, as it made him wince to look at it and remember the pain of that night. It was still in a drawer in Richie's closet. 

So Richie had went to that Spring Formal prepared to get completely wasted. And then he'd seen Eddie... Eddie waiting on his doorstep with his hair gelled back even more than normal, wearing a navy blue tuxedo with a little white rose tucked in his breast pocket. Richie was shocked he didn't melt into a puddle of goo right there on his own doorstep. Eddie had been so cute - no - so hot... Richie had felt his chest tighten up and his hands begin to sweat. He'd gotten out of his house and into his mother's car as fast as he could, trying not to stare at Eddie as he drove to the dance. 

And Richie had been so overwhelmed, so determined to prove his dad wrong, he kept repeating words in his head. 'I'm dancing with girls, see, I'm not a faggot! I like girls, see? Huh? Huh motherfucker?' But all Richie could think about was Eddie. Eddie's tight pants around his ass... Eddie's smooth hair, his shy smile, the little dimple that appeared on the left side of his face when he smiled. Richie hadn't meant to abandon Eddie, but he'd been so frightened, so frozen with fear at the way he felt about Eddie. It had truly scared him. So he'd danced and laughed and drank and drank to the point that if, say, he caught Eddie's eyes across the dance floor, he could easily blame it on the alcohol. If, say, he'd done a seductive one-over of Eddie's body, sitting there on the sidelines, he could brush it off as an effect of the music and the crazy atmosphere.

But Richie knew it now, he understood. He could look back at that night with an open mind and acknowledge the truth; Richie Tozier had been flirting with Eddie Kaspbrak, and it had felt amazing.

So Richie knew something had to be different tonight. Tonight Richie had a plan. Tonight Richie would stay in control. He promised himself, as Eddie parked Richie's mom's car across the street from the mansion, that he wouldn't drink too much tonight, and he wouldn't smoke, no matter how much he wanted to. Richie would do everything to make sure that this party didn't go like the dance. He wouldn't collapse like a mess in the backseat, and he wouldn't let his fear of feeling real emotions take over. 

As Eddie and Richie walked up the driveway, Richie could tell Eddie was shaking from anxiety. It didn't help that the mansion was so intimidating - a white marble beast that looked like it could swallow the two of them whole. 

Richie grasped Eddie's hand for a moment and squeezed it tight.

"Jesus, Eds, we haven't even gotten inside yet."

"I know," Eddie squeaked. 

"It's okay," Richie said, squeezing Eddie's hand one last time before letting go. Richie knew Eddie probably wouldn't want people seeing them holding hands, despite their close friendship. But just as he was removing his hand, Eddie tightened his grip before Richie could let go. Shocked as Richie was, he didn't say anything, and they entered the house holding hands. The other losers were waiting for them inside the foyer, and although all their eyes glanced down to Eddie and Richie's hands, none of them said a word. They didn't even seem surprised. Richie wasn't sure what Eddie intended with the hand holding - he wouldn't meet Richie's gaze - but Richie could tell the contact was helping Eddie to relax, which Richie was more than willing to aid with.

The party was already in full swing. There was alcohol everywhere, and many teenagers in the pool and on the veranda. However, just as the losers were about to walk out, an intense rain started coming down, hard, and everyone outside began to shriek and laugh and pile inside as fast as they could. Fortunately the mansion was huge, so there was lots of room to spread out, but the space was still uncomfortably packed, even for Richie, who was a theatre kid and used to plenty of physical contact. As everyone began to squeeze into the living room, Eddie began to panic, and there was only so much Richie's hand could help. Eddie started to hyperventilate, and his palm was coated in sweat. Little beads appeared on his forehead, his eyes darting around like a caged animal. And, when the other teens started chanting 'spin the bottle!', 'spin the bottle!' over and over, Eddie reached some sort of breaking point. At first the other losers hadn't really noticed, as they'd been so preoccupied with having fun, but when Eddie tore his hand from Richie's and ran from the room, Bev had looked up and met Richie's eyes, signalling with a nod of her head and a flick of her eyebrows for Richie to follow Eddie out. Richie grabbed a beer from the kitchen counter as he slid out onto the soggy veranda with Eddie.

Eddie was wedged against the wall right where the roof's overhang protected him from the rain. He was puffing on his inhaler intensely. Richie slid in next to him, squeezing his body up against the wall so he didn't get completely soaked. Every now and then the wind would whip drops into his face, but other than that he was okay. For a minute Richie just watched Eddie suck in air in silence, and it made him jump when Eddie was the first to speak.

"Been awhile since I needed this thing." Eddie laughed ironically and held up his inhaler. "Good thing I brought it."

Richie nodded, and didn't mention the fact that he always had and inhaler on him for Eddie too. He could feel it in the front pocket of his jeans now. 

"You know I really almost left my inhaler at home, Rich..." Eddie sighed deeply. "I seriously almost just put it down on the table next to my bed and walked out. I really thought I'd be able to figure this out, to face my fear, but look at me, look at me, Rich... I would never admit this normally, not ever, but, Richie, I'm a mess! A complete, total, social mess." 

Richie shrugged. "Join the club."

"I guess... sorry for talking too much, Rich, I - " 

"It's okay." Richie took to opening the beer with his teeth to hide the heat rising in his cheeks. The lighting outside was minimal, as all the light was coming from inside the mansion, but Richie still had to be careful being caught in a blush. Richie loved it more than anything when Eddie was honest with him. 

"You know, it's sad, Richie, but it's so much easier for me to be honest in the dark... when I don't have to see your face. When I don't have to look you in the eyes. Is that messed up?"

Richie knew exactly what Eddie meant. Darkness gave you cover and safety. Darkness held your biggest fears and greatest secrets. Darkness was where the worst things happened... but it was also where it was easiest to talk about those things that felt too exposed in the daylight.

"But really," Richie took a stabilizing breath, "it's never too late to face your fears. I mean... we defeated It, didn't we?"

"Yeah." Eddie smiled. "That damn clown. God."

"I know... But this party seems so small compared to that, really." Richie took a deep swig of his beer, enjoying the satisfyingly bitter taste. "I believe you can do this, Eds."

"Don't call me -"

"Shut up. You like it."

Richie smiled and Eddie just shook his head, ignoring the comment.

"You're suggesting I go back in there?"

Richie nodded. 

"And what? Play fucking spin the bottle like everyone else?" Eddie's voice dripped with sarcasm. 

"Why not?"

Richie knew that if he could overcome the homophobic ideas that had been instilled in him since childhood, and somehow cope with his own feelings for Eddie, then Eddie could certainly go to this party. Eddie just had to believe in himself first.

"But - " Eddie stuttered, "but what do I do if I actually play? I've never played spin the bottle before. God, I haven't even really kissed people before. What do I do if I have to kiss someone I don't want to kiss? What do I do then?"

Eddie launched into his fast-talking, and Richie knew he had to intervene.

"Eddie. Eddie!"

Eddie took a deep breath and shut his motor-mouth for once, eyes focusing out into the rain. 

Richie continued. "The trick to spin the bottle... I mean, all you have to do is pretend you're kissing someone you actually like."

"Really?" Eddie's head snapped sideways, and he shot Richie a quizzical look.

"Yeah! You just have to close your eyes and imagine it... imagine kissing someone you want to kiss more than anything. And you'll be fine."

Eddie nodded, eyebrows drawn together in concentration. "Okay. I think I can do that."

Richie had made up that advice. Because, honestly, all Richie tried to do while playing spin the bottle was not think about Eddie. He tried to clear his mind and just... not think at all... somehow that made kissing total strangers bearable. But Richie knew Eddie could never do that; Eddie's mind was constantly on full speed, fully charged, and couldn't slow down no matter how hard Eddie tried to slow it. So Richie had made up some advice, hoping, maybe, that it would work.

"Now let's get back in there, Eds, you got this." Richie handed Eddie his beer, which Eddie eyed warily, then took a tentative sip of and handed back, grimacing at the unfamiliar taste.

Eddie made an audible gulping sound, partly nerves and partly from the alcohol. "Right..." He hesitated, eyes darting sideways. "But what if it's someone I really, really don't - "

"No, Eddie. Don't think too hard. Trust me on this." Richie clapped a hand on Eddie's shoulder and gave him a little shove towards the veranda door. 

Besides, Richie was telling the truth this time. Eddie shouldn't have to worry, because Richie had a plan. And Richie was ready to put that plan into motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a little shorter guys... I promise it's because the next one is going to be long and juicy. If I take two days for the next update, don't worry, because it means I'm just taking my time perfecting it!


	11. Inside The Closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, guys...

Eddie's heart was pounding like a dying animal in his chest. He forced himself to breathe deeply, to calm down, to not think too hard like Richie said. But that's the problem - Eddie could never stop himself from thinking, and the more he told himself not to think, the more his mind raced, until he completely lost control of his thoughts, shaking and hyperventilating and spiraling into panic. But this time Eddie had Richie at his side, and Richie's advice in his mind. Eddie was determined to be more than just the shy queer guy who sat out on the sidelines at the singular school dance he attended. Eddie would prove it to all of the other teenagers, the popular ones and the nerdy ones - he would prove to the whole lot of them - and, mostly importantly, to himself, that he was better than his social anxieties.

They sat down in the growing circle of spin the bottle players on the floor, Richie on Eddie's left, and Richie handed Eddie his beer once again. Eddie didn't hesitate like he did the first time; if drinking would help him get through this night, he wasn't against it. He hated the taste of beer though, it was like nothing he's ever drank before, and it left an burning aftertaste all through his mouth and throat that made him regret swallowing so much at once. Eddie's hands were shaking as he handed the beer back to Richie, and Richie snatched it before Eddie could spill it all over the carpet and on his own lap. 

"Your b - back." Bill said from next to Eddie, patting Eddie gently on the knee with concern in his eyes. 

Eddie gave a small nod. From various places in the circle, the other losers all smiled and nodded towards him, and Eddie felt the comfort of having their support fill his lungs with air. He felt his heartbeat slowing.

"Alright!" Exclaimed a pretty blonde girl from across the circle. Eddie thought she was the host of the party - Sadie, he was pretty sure. She smiled wide, eyes raking up and down Richie and Eddie's bodies. "Newcomers!"

Eddie giggled nervously. Sadie stood up and sauntered across the circle to where Eddie and Richie had sat down. Everyone else's heads turned in their direction - it was clear that Sadie was facilitating the game.

"So I guess it's your turn now." Sadie snatched the empty beer bottle off the floor and held it out towards Eddie. 

Eddie felt the panic rise in him again, and his mouth felt instantly parched. "I, uh - "

Richie reached across from Eddie and grabbed the beer bottle from Sadie's hand. "I'll go," Richie said.

Eddie opened and closed his mouth in shock, wanting to thank Richie, but also wanting to commit, to do what he set out to do. Eddie even surprised himself by what he said next. 

"No, Richie, I can do it." Eddie made direct eye contact with Richie, who looked confused for a moment, but quickly shook it off.

"Yeah, alright." Richie handed Eddie the bottle, which felt cold and foreign in his palm. Eddie gripped it with determination.

Sadie rolled her eyes. "Get on with it then!" She sat back down across from Eddie and nodded for him to start. 

Eddie placed the bottle on the floor, his hands shaking noticeably. He breathed in deeply. Eddie could feel Richie's gaze on the back of his neck, could see Richie staring out of the corner of his eye. Before Eddie could doubt himself or overthink, he spun the bottle firmly, quickly, waiting for the result before letting his dread sink in. He felt is heart pound in his ears as the bottle stopped spinning, the top pointing towards a girl a few to his right. Eddie swallowed slowly. Well, at least it wasn't one of those ridiculous popular girls... he barely knew this one, but she was in his Math class, and Eddie knew her name was Karen. Eddie could do this. It wasn't so scary. Karen smiled and nodded her head.

"Okay, let's get this done with," Karen said, standing up and gesturing for Eddie to do the same. 

Eddie managed to stand without tripping over himself. Before he could even think about it, he just leaned in and pecked Karen on the lips, closing his eyes and picturing Richie instead. Richie's face inches away from his... Richie's lips against his. Richie had given Eddie advice, and he had been right. It was easier like this, with Eddie's powerful imagination leading the way. It was the smallest, briefest of kisses, but still Eddie was trembling with embarrassment when it was over. Karen shrugged and sat back down, not seeming to care at all. But Eddie practically collapsed into his spot, squeezing his fists tight at his sides. He felt his heartbeat racing... all those eyes on him... it made Eddie feel like throwing up. Besides, Eddie had only ever kissed people on dares before, he didn't have any real experience.

Richie patted Eddie's arm and whispered softly to him. "I knew you could do it." 

Now it was Richie's turn. Eddie was so relieved to have his turn done with that he wasn't even really paying attention when the bottle spun and landed on him. He only noticed when Richie shook his arm and muttered "hey. Hey, Eds."

Eddie looked up from his lap. Everyone was staring at him expectantly. Eddie looked down and saw the bottle pointing directly at him. He swore his heart felt like it leaped into his throat, it was thumping so fast. Eddie had imagined kissing Richie so many times... and it was finally going to happen. With all these people watching...

"Um..." was all Eddie managed to get out. 

Richie smiled, shaking Eddie's arm again. "Hey, Eds, you gotta kiss me, okay? It's alright. It'll be easy, okay?"

Eddie nodded, stunned, and barely even registered it as Richie leaned over and pecked him on the lips. However, he did feel a jolt go through his body at the contact, which settled somewhere in the pit of his stomach. Eddie realized that he was still squeezing his eyes closed, and when he opened them he saw Richie gazing down at him, a smile on his face. 

"Not so bad?" Richie said. 

Eddie nodded again, still stunned. The instant Richie looked away from him, Eddie touched his own lips in shock. What was Richie even thinking right now? Did Richie feel the same jolt that Eddie had experienced? Eddie knew how the game worked, he knew the kiss was purely coincidence, but Eddie wanted more. And Eddie had realized, in that moment, that he no longer felt scared. The kiss from Richie had made everything else become background noise. The party. The circle of teenagers with their eyes on him. Being kissed by Richie occupied his mind so much that Eddie had forgotten to be nervous. His hands weren't even shaking! Eddie grinned from ear to ear, and watched the game continue in a strange state of bliss. When it reached his turn again, Eddie could hardly have cared less - he kissed another stranger and sat back down in his spot with eyes only for Richie. Eddie watched as Richie gripped the bottle, those long, slender hands and chipped nails... Eddie watched Richie's eyes behind his glasses, the way they glanced in Eddie's direction a millisecond before Richie performed his spin. 

The bottle landed on Eddie again. Eddie's eyes when abnormally wide. He was still so overwhelmed by the first round that he wasn't sure he wouldn't explode if he had to kiss Richie again. 

"Well, fuck," Richie said, shrugging at the group more than Eddie. Everyone laughed drunkenly at the comment.

This time when Richie leaned in, he placed a hand on Eddie's cheek, and took his time meeting Eddie's lips, whispering "you got this, Eds..."

The kiss lasted a second longer than it should have in spin the bottle. Eddie could hear Bev gasp and some of the others muttered to each other. Richie still had his hand on Eddie's cheek when Eddie opened his eyes, and was staring directly at Eddie. Eddie could feel that this was no longer for Richie's audience; this look, soft, and careful, was for Eddie alone.

"I told you to trust me." Richie said with a sweet, gentle smile, removing his hand. Eddie's cheek burned where Richie's hand had been, and he realized he was blushing ferociously. The whole group just sort of stared at the two of them, but Eddie didn't feel stressed. No, actually, Eddie felt weirdly calm. The contact with Richie had steadied him, had drawn his spinning mind to a careful halt. Because how could Eddie be thinking of too many things at once when this one thing was so pressing and important?

"Next!" Sadie announced, and Eddie took in a deep breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He was suddenly hyper-sensitive of Richie sitting next to him, of Richie's every movement and breath and sigh. It took everything in Eddie not to just drag Richie out of the room by his collar and ask him what the fuck he meant by all this. If this was still teasing, it had gone on too far. But if Bill was right in assuming Richie had feelings for Eddie... and Richie was truly making moves... Eddie wasn't sure his slightly-alcohol muddled mind could handle that information now.

Eddie went through his turn once more, which felt like a chore now, as he waited for Richie to spin again. Eddie wasn't surprised this time when Richie's bottle landed on him. He felt a wonderful hope flare in his body. The spectators gasped, and Sadie cackled. Mike let out a deep whistle. Eddie swore his blush rose a shade, if that was even possible.

"That's three spins in a row, boys! You know what that means!"

Eddie did know what that meant. And from the satisfied look on Richie's face as they stood up, he knew full well what that meant too. It felt like a blur as Sadie lead Richie and Eddie down the hallway to a walk-in closet. Eddie was getting seven minutes in heaven with Richie... It was like an actual dream. But what the fuck was Richie planning? Eddie squirmed with nerves as Sadie shut the door behind them. The instant they were alone, Richie flicked the light switch. The bulb was dim and half dead, but Eddie could still see the cleaning equipment surrounding them. Plus the closet smelled like bleach. Very romantic. 

Eddie leaped on Richie before the other teen could say a word. Eddie had made a promise to himself to find out the truth, and there was no better time than this, alone with Richie where no one could bother them.

"What the fuck are you doing, Trashmouth? What the actual fuck do you mean by all this?" Maybe the little bit of beer Eddie had drank (about half of one? He was a small guy) was finally hitting his system, but all the thoughts that had been sitting in his head just spewed out of him. "Why are you teasing me? Richard, you are going too far with this. God, it was even your stupid face that I imagined with the others! You know I have a crush on you! You know I have forever! It's truly unfair. You even know I'm gay, dickhead!" Eddie may have shouted a little louder than he intended, and he slammed one fist down on Richie's chest.

Richie wrapped a warm hand around Eddie's balled fist. 

"I am too." Richie whispered into the darkness, and Eddie wasn't sure he heard Richie right.

"What? Please speak up."

Richie used his free hand to tilt Eddie's face so he was looking straight into Richie's eyes.

"I. Am. Too." Richie said again, louder. "I'm gay, Eddie..."

Eddie was shocked. He opened his mouth a few times before he managed to get words out. "But what about the girls, I mean, you must've - "

"I never liked it. I never felt anything." Richie brought his hand down to Eddie's waist, tugging the small teen even closer to his chest. Richie voice sounded rough and forced. "But with you..."

Richie never finished his sentence, but Eddie could feel what Richie meant. All those years of longing, all of it, contained in three short words.

"But..." Eddie started, "why all this? You know I don't like the crowds, Rich... Why now? Why like this?"

Richie sighed, and they were so close that Eddie could feel the sigh reverberate in his own body. 

"I spent so many years lying to myself, Eds... I couldn't anymore. And I thought about what you said. About letting someone know they were special to you... So I learned how to spin the bottle so it always lands on the person to my right. You always sit on my right..."

"But why? Why even do that? When you know how it scares me to be in front of all of them?"

"That's exactly why!" Richie voice broke on the word 'why', and Eddie could see tears in his eyes, even in the dim light. Richie managed to collect himself and continue. "I didn't want you to feel scared. Or nervous. I wanted to prove to you that I'm not ashamed of you. You aren't an embarrassment, Eddie, even if I know you think you are sometimes. I kissed you in front of all those people, because I wanted to show you that I'm proud of you. And I love you. And I don't care what all those idiots think."

Eddie felt a joy rise in him with Richie's every word. Because Richie was right. The kissing had given Eddie the confidence to believe Richie truly cared for him. And Eddie had indeed felt special. He'd felt like the center of Richie's world. Out there, in front of all those other teenagers, Richie had opened all his doors and laid the keys down for Eddie just like that... He'd let Eddie in completely by putting his feelings out in the open, out for everyone to see. For once, Richie hadn't put on a show for the audience. He wasn't performing when he'd kissed Eddie out there. Richie had meant it. 

Eddie pushed firmly against Richie's chest with the fist that was still rested there, knocking Richie's back against the closet door. Richie's eyes were wide, and Eddie could feel the sweat through Richie's shirt as their chests pressed together. Now that Eddie knew how Richie felt, there was nothing holding him back.

"Now it's my turn..." Eddie whispered, face inches from Richie's, noses brushing against each other. "Now It's my turn to let you know how special you are to me."

They both leaned in at the same time, and Eddie felt their lips clash awkwardly at first, a real kiss this time, messy and shaky and naive in the best way. Richie's lips parted slowly for Eddie, and Eddie shoved against him with all the pent up desire and love that had been building in him for years. Eddie felt a weight he didn't know he was carrying be lifted from his body, like lead being sucked from his veins. Eddie finally felt free.

Eddie heard the sound of Richie sliding the lock on the closet door closed. Richie was pushing back now, and Eddie could feel his teeth and his tongue, could feel Richie's lips part even farther to let Eddie in. All these things that would've terrified Eddie if he thought about the bacteria before, all this touching he'd never experienced, came so naturally to him now. Richie's hands squeezed Eddie's waist, and Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie's neck, hands tangled in Richie's hair. They took a second to break apart and catch their breath.

"Holy shit!" Richie muttered, gasping for air. "I didn't know you had that in you, Eds."

"Now you know," Eddie panted, smiling like a fool into Richie's neck, not wanting Richie to see his ridiculous grin. "All these years..."

"Good Lord, I wasted time not accepting my feelings for you!" Richie practically laughed, but Eddie stopped him with another kiss.

Richie whispered softly. "Mmm, Eds... Our seven minutes is almost up." 

"They'll come get us when they get us. I don't care if we're caught like this."

"Me neither, Eds..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Kissing, finally! But you should also know that this is not even close to the end of this fic. There's still plenty to go. Buckle in.
> 
> (Also I managed to stick with my daily updates! Look at me go! Whoo.)
> 
> Update: I'm not updating tonight, but there will be more tomorrow! Hang in there.


	12. Literally and Metaphorically

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short break! I'm back, and will hopefully continue with daily updates.

Thank God for having Friday off. Richie hadn't gotten crazy drunk last night, but that didn't mean he wasn't exhausted. He couldn't stop thinking about Eddie. It seemed to be impossible for his brain to process anything else. 

Richie had climbed in his own window (which he'd left cracked open just for this reason) to avoid confronting his father. Richie could never be sure if his father would be awake or not... He could either be passed out drunk on the sofa, or sitting eating beef jerky in front of TV. Richie couldn't be certain, but he definitely didn't want to take the risk of entering through the front door. Richie had collapsed and fallen asleep in an instant, the feeling of Eddie lingering on this lips and on his hands. He knew that things might be complicated now, that the making out didn't mean they were dating yet, exactly. Richie knew that nothing was set in stone. But still he fell asleep smiling, and he awoke with this incredible feeling of elation flowing through him. 

Sunlight was streaming through his window when Richie woke up. His clock read that it was just past noon. Richie struggled out of bed and got ready for the day quickly, knowing he was supposed to meet the other losers at the park at one. As they'd left the party last night, Bev had grabbed Richie's arm and gave him those instructions. She'd said it was an urgent matter. Richie slipped by his father, passed out on the sofa with a bottle of gin still in hand, and rode his bike all the way to the park. Richie had never peddled faster in his life. He wanted to see Eddie so badly; like seeing him again would confirm everything. That last night happened. That it was real. That it wasn't just some drunk fever dream. 

Richie hadn't wanted to let go of Eddie inside the closet, even with everyone banging on the door and yelling at them to open it. They'd broken apart and tidied themselves up before finally swinging the door open. Richie remembered being asked a lot of questions, he the looks of confusion and surprise on the faces of the spectators. But more than anything, Richie remembered the feeling of walking out of the closet holding hands with Eddie... the elation, the pure joy of it, the way it filled Richie up with energy, better than coffee and nicotine and alcohol. It was the highest high Richie had ever felt. 

Dumping his bike carelessly, Richie ran up to the others at the bench they always used. Actually, Richie had never seen anyone else sitting there before. It really did feel like the loser's bench, and that's what made it so special. Bill, Mike, Stan, and Bev were all there already. No sign of Eddie yet. They beckoned frantically for Richie to join them.

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

All the losers were wearing cheeky smiles, but none of them was bigger than Bev's.

"Sit down, Richard!" She grinned, and Richie plunked down on the bench opposite her, next to Mike and Stan. 

"So?" Mike said, elbowing Richie in the ribs.

"So what?" Richie knew what they were talking about, and he could feel his face heat up. 

"You know!" Bev nearly shouted.

"In the c - closet with Eddie." Bill said slyly. Bill and Stan exchanged a knowing look, which baffled Richie. 

"Nothing! Nothing happened." Richie panicked. He didn't want to tell them the truth just yet. Richie wasn't even sure if the making out was a one-time thing or an ongoing thing. Eddie and him hadn't talked about it yet... And, as selfish as it sounded, Richie wanted this one thing for himself, this one secret that he could hold as his and his alone. Richie always spoke what was on his mind, this was a known fact. So who could blame him for keeping something private just this one time? 

"Okay! Fine. Don't talk. We'll just have to ask Eddie then." Bev shrugged. 

"I said that nothing happened. Nothing worth telling you all, anyway." Richie felt bad lying, but he needed to process these feelings on his own right now. Richie just hoped beyond all hope that Eddie would think the same. 

"You s - sure?" Bill raised his eyebrows and smiled, that open face almost breaking Richie into telling the truth. Bill was their leader, but he wasn't the be all and end all. There were no rules saying Richie couldn't keep secrets.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Richie rolled his eyes. Then he noticed that the mood at the table shifted.

Bill grimaced and sighed, and Bev bowed her head. Stan and Mike grinned and high-fived. 

"Wait a second. What's going on here?" Richie nearly shouted. "You guys! You made bets on this?"

Stan, who hadn't spoken this whole time, smiled and said, "oh yes we did! Pay up."

Bill and Bev both slid five dollars over the tabletop, which Mike and Stan pocketed gleefully. 

"Holy shit. You guys are terrible." But Richie was smiling as he said it. His friends were such idiots. He did feel kind of bad for Bev and Bill, when they were really the ones you deserved the money. "But wait a second. You didn't just call this meeting to discuss what did or didn't happen in that closet. Why am I really here?" Richie glanced around. "And where's Ben and Eddie?"

"W - well..." Bill said, "we told Eddie a di - di - different time so we could confront you first - "

"Bastards," Richie muttered under his breath.

"And we - we didn't invite B - Ben at all." Bill looked in Bev's direction.

"Okay! The Eddie thing was my idea, I own up to it." Bev took a cigarette out of her pocket and lit it, placing it contemplatively between her lips. "You're all actually here because Ben's birthday is next week, and we need to plan it!"

"Like a surprise?" Richie asked.

"Yeah, I mean, Ben is always the one organizing things for other people. He's probably the most thoughtful person on the planet. It's about time we tried to repay him."

Richie nodded, understanding exactly what Beverly meant. Ben really was the kindest, most devoted friend. He deserved the birthday of a lifetime. However, before Richie could answer, he saw Eddie approaching them from a distance. Eddie gave a small wave, and Richie's heart instantly sped up.

Eddie ran the rest of the way up to the group. "Sorry, I didn't think I was late, guys - "

Eddie's eyes met Richie's for a millisecond, but quickly swept over the rest of the losers. 

"Don't worry ab - bout it." Bill patted the spot next to him, looking a tad guilty. Eddie sat down there, almost directly in front of Richie, but neither of them could gather the courage to meet the other's gaze. It was driving Richie crazy, this not-talking, and he began to feel his head hurt with overthinking, the way he knew Eddie's always did. Richie wanted to know... Did Eddie regret what they'd done? Did Eddie want to tell the losers about this? Was 'this' still happening?

"Hey, Eddie," Bev turned to Eddie mischievously, "so how was last night?"

Eddie blushed instantly, talking far too rapidly to avoid suspision. What? The party? The party was fun."

"No, not the party," Stan laughed, "how was your, you know - "

"Seven minutes?" Bev finished. 

Eddie looked incredibly uncomfortable. He wasn't a good liar like Richie - even his ears were turning a deep shade of pink. 

"Fine. It was fine." Now Eddie looked up at Richie, and Richie hoped that Eddie could see the caution in Richie's eyes. Eddie gave a small nod and Richie's chest tightened. 

"Richie here said nothing happened." Mike slapped Richie on the back. 

"Is that true?" Bev pressed.

"I - uh - " Eddie squirmed in his seat, as he clearly hadn't been prepared for any of these questions. 

"Eds," Richie said, not able to take it anymore, watching Eddie in such discomfort, "they made bets on whether we... did anything... or not. That's why they're asking. You don't have to answer."

Eddie brows drew together, and his mouth hung open. "You what?" He glared at the other losers now in anger. "You made bets?"

Bill looked away awkwardly, and Bev just nodded. 

"I t - t - told you guys - " Bill began, addressing the rest of the losers, but Eddie interrupted.

"What kind of friendship is that?" Eddie stood up aggressively. Where Richie had just found the betting amusing, he should've realized that Eddie would be upset by it. Richie reached out and wrapped his hand around Eddie's wrist. Eddie's eyes glanced down to the touch, and Richie could feel Eddie quivering. 

"Hey, Eds, they didn't mean anything by - "

"I don't suppose that's why they called this meeting then?" Eddie gave one last glare, then tugged his wrist from Richie's grip, and ran back towards his bike. The other losers called after him. 

"Eddie, that's not why!" 

"We didn't mean it!"

"Eddie, come b - back!"

Richie watched in silence as Eddie mounted his bike without even looking back, then rode down the street furiously. This definitely wasn't the way Richie imagined things would go... He felt a sudden surge of anger at the other losers for being so insensitive. 

"Well, thanks guys!" Richie stood up too, eyes blazing. "I'll talk about Ben's birthday later. Right now I have an Eddie to comfort." 

Richie began to walk away, then, with a surprising burst of courage, turned around and shouted back at the others.

"For your information, I lied about what happened in that fucking closet!"

Richie stalked off, muttering to himself, "have fun with your bets now, morons." As Richie got on his bike, he could hear the others yelling and arguing over the table. But Richie had priorities, and right now, finding Eddie was at the top of the list. 

* * *

The clubhouse was dead silent as Richie climbed inside. It was getting warmer every day, and little dust particles floated around his head. 

The hammock wasn't moving, but it was weighed down, and had a blanket tossed over the length of it. 

"I know you're in there, Eddie." Richie said with a sigh.

"Am not," came a voice from under the blanket.

"Come on, we need to talk."

"How'd you know I'd be here?" Eddie asked, ignoring Richie's imploring voice. 

"I don't know. Just a feeling. I knew you weren't gonna go back home to that crazy woman."

"Damn right," the voice said through the blanket. Richie could barely hear Eddie from under there. 

"Look," Richie walked up to the edge of the hammock, pushing it slightly with his knee, "we gotta talk about what we did last night. I can't take it just pretending it didn't happen."

Eddie whipped the blanket off his face and looked Richie right in the eye. "What are we gonna talk about? That we were a little drunk and made out and now things are just going to go back to how they were before, because you're Richie Tozier, and you care more about preserving yourself than anything else? Is that what you want to talk about?"

Richie's heart sank. "No... Eddie."

"Then what? Why'd you tell the losers that nothing happened then, huh?" Eddie folded the blanket back over his face and sighed audibly. 

Richie knocked the hammock with his knee again. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I guess I didn't tell them right away because I just wanted to have this... to have you... to myself. For now."

The hammock shook slightly and the blanket rumpled as Eddie adjusted his position underneath. 

"I see."

Richie moved the blanket out of the way enough so that he could hook a foot into the hammock (good Lord Richie's legs were long) and hoist himself inside. Eddie didn't protest, in fact, he didn't say anything at all. The two of them didn't fit together in the hammock as seamlessly as they used to, but Richie managed to find a comfortable position with his legs tucked under Eddie. Richie poked Eddie's back with his toes. 

"You know, I meant everything I said in there. About wanting you. About not being ashamed."

This time, Richie rolled the blanket off Eddie's face himself. Eddie just gazed up at him with those huge puppy eyes, hair all disheveled and cheeks flushed. Eddie was so beautiful like this, all messy and careless and emotional.

"It's too good," Eddie said with a shake of his head. "I'm the one whose spent practically my whole life pining for you. I was never supposed to actually have you." 

Richie snorted. "What do you mean 'supposed to'? Fuck 'supposed to'." Richie covered his face with his hands, not wanting Eddie to see his eyes getting teary. "Listen to me, Eds, I didn't realize it until far too late... But I've been pining for you too. In my own ways. I just wasn't able to come to terms with it myself, until now."

"Really?" Richie brought his hands down. Eddie's face was so soft and sweet and hopeful smiling up at Richie like that... Now Richie knew what it was like to kiss Eddie, he could hardly stop himself from bending down and kissing him now. 

"Remember when we first met each other, in second grade?"

"Of course." Eddie rolled his eyes. "We'd been in the same school for years, but never the same class until that day - "

"Yes. Right. And you walked up to the desk next to me and asked if you could sit there. And I remember being stunned, thinking - oh my God, this boy is so cute. With his freckles and his big eyes and his short shorts - "

Eddie sat up suddenly in the hammock. "That's not how I remember it going! I asked if I could sit next to you, and you asked for my name. I told you Eddie, and you said 'great, nice to meet ya, Eds' and I said 'don't call me that' and you said 'fine then, Eddie spaghetti, sit down if you dare'. And I did. Despite you being an annoying bitch."

"Right." Richie said. "I was a bitch because I was overwhelmed by your cuteness." 

Richie poked Eddie again with his toes. "But hey, it worked out, right?"

Eddie smiled, laying back down. "Yeah. It seems I've been sitting at the table next to you ever since."

Richie moved forward onto his knees, tossing the blanket on the ground so he could climb over top of Eddie. "Yep."

Eddie gave Richie a daringly pointed look as Richie curled his body around Eddie's, so they were lying on their sides staring into each others eyes. 

"I must admit, it's not always easy sitting at the table next to Richie Tozier. Literally and metaphorically." Eddies's words were slow and gentle, and his voice almost cracked as Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist and drew the small teen even closer. 

"Metaphorically," Richie said, "you're wrong. Aren't you at least sitting ON my table by now?"

"Richie!" Eddie nearly shrieked, but Richie kissed him gently at the corner of his mouth. Richie couldn't help it anymore. He tucked his head into the crook of Eddie's next, mouth touching the bare skin of Eddie's collarbone. Eddie shivered, and Richie could feel the shiver travel through his own skin as well. "See, Eds? I can use metaphors too." Richie whispered against Eddie's skin. 

Richie could feel Eddie's smile against his scalp. "Rich... I actually... I understand if you want to wait to tell the others. For a bit."

"So you're saying this isn't going away? I actually get to have you?" Richie tilted his head to look at Eddie's rosy face.

"For now, Trashmouth," Eddie said, reaching up and pulling the hammock tighter around them, like a cocoon, until they lay in near darkness.

Richie wrapped his legs more comfortably around Eddie's, drawing Eddie in until their chests were aligned. If Richie noticed the tightness in Eddie's pants, he didn't say anything.

"Can we just stay here for a while? I want to you to hold me when I'm not having a mental breakdown, too." Richie whispered to the dark.

Eddie squirmed so his lips were touching Richie's nose. Richie felt so filled with warmth. The hammock was a tight fit, but absolutely worth it. 

"I'd like that."

Wordlessly, Richie and Eddie adjusted theirs positions until Eddie's chest was pressed against Richie's back, lips pressing soft kisses into Richie's neck, hands clasped against Richie's stomach. 

Eddie let out a small giggle. "Little spoon," Eddie said with a grin against Richie's shoulder.

"Shut up," Richie muttered, squeezing his eyes closed and savoring this moment. 

Eddie was here. Eddie was holding him... and this was still happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also just want to say a huge thank you to you all who gave kudos on this! I never would've thought my first fic ever would get over a hundred kudos in less than two weeks. I know it seems small, but still, it's amazing to me that over a hundred of you read this and thought it was worth hitting that button. Love you all.


	13. Spring To Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for missing a day! That may happen more often now that school is getting busy. Hope you guys enjoy this one!

"Eddie. Eddddie! One more minute!"

"Richie, no, I have to go home!" Eddie twisted and turned in Richie's arms, standing at the end of his driveway. Through the window of his house, Eddie could see the light of the television flickering, and he knew his mother would be sitting there waiting for him. It was dark outside, but Eddie didn't want to take any chances of his mother seeing them. Eddie grabbed Richie's wrist and pulled him behind a tree (it wasn't the greatest disguise, but it felt like barrier). Richie tugged Eddie's waist back towards him.

"One more minute."

"Fine. But if she sees us like this, you'll be the one doing the explaining." Eddie tucked his face into Richie's chest, and Richie wrapped his own coat around the two of them. The seasons hadn't quite changed yet, and the world was in that awkward transition phase between the cool freshness of spring and the gentle warmth of summer. Eddie supposed him and Richie were too - in an awkward transition phase, somewhere between friends and boyfriends. They hadn't said it yet. They hadn't said 'we're dating' or called each other babe or anything like that. This was all so new to Eddie. But Eddie was prepared, he was excited to feel the cold nights fade into vibrant days, he was ready for the warmth of loving Richie. Eddie thought that he finally felt worthy. 

The two of them had stayed wrapped in that hammock for who knows how long, half-sleeping and half-kissing, soaking in each other's presences, allowing themselves to process and feel this newness. Things were different now, and Eddie had never felt more happy with change in his life. Eddie, the routine-oriented, somewhat OCD teen, was, for once, open to the thought of his life changing... And change it would.

They'd spent the whole day just living in one another's space, walking, talking, hands brushing in public, allowing themselves to stare at each other and take it all in. This was real. Richie had cared about Eddie this whole time. Eddie didn't understand it, how Richie fucking Tozier could have hidden his feelings for so long, but he knew that Richie was telling the truth.

Richie rested his chin on the top of Eddie's head. 

"I still can't believe this."

"Me neither," Eddie whispered. He glanced at the window of his living room; no Mrs. K in sight. 

"Are we dating?" Richie asked into the short silence. There it was - Richie was addressing it. Finally.

Eddie surprised himself by saying "Obviously!" louder than he should have.

"Mmmm. Just makin' sure." 

Richie kissed him softly on the lips, and Eddie giggled into the kiss despite himself. All the kisses had been soft so far, tender, gentle, like they were both still afraid that the other would turn away at the last second. But Eddie didn't want to be afraid. He knew they should take things slow, but boy, Eddie had spent nearly half of his life imagining all the things he would do with Richie Tozier, and he knew eventually he would want to act on them.

"Okay, Rich, I gotta go now."

"Ughhhh," Richie groaned, tossing his curly head back and exposing his pale collarbones to the moon. Eddie stared, transfixed.

"Yes, Trashmouth, I gotta - "

Richie kissed him again.

"What were you saying about my mouth, Eds?"

"Richard!" Eddie slipped free of Richie's grip and started down the driveway. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

Only a few steps down the driveway and Eddie stopped. He turned on his heels. Richie was still standing there, still look as ruffled and awkward and beautiful as always. Eddie practically sprinted the few steps between them. He grabbed the collar of Richie shirt, drawing their lips together again, rough this time, forceful, shoving into Richie's face. Richie shoved back against Eddie'd lips. Eddie didn't know where this force inside him came from, but he had never felt so charged and alive. This kind of kiss felt different. It felt like a door being kicked open, like a minor explosion, like fireworks going off in a small room.

When they pulled apart, Eddie turned quickly and ran down the driveway, frightened of what he might see if he looked back at Richie's face. 

What Eddie didn't know was that Richie was grinning wider than the Cheshire cat. 

* * *

The next day, Richie and Eddie met up to go look for a present for Ben. Since Ben's birthday was Saturday next week, they knew they had to get on it. The problem was, Derry was such a small town, there weren't exactly a ton of places to get people presents. This was an issue every time a birthday came around. Sometimes one of the losers (always Stan) would attempt to bake for whoever's birthday it was, which was a sweet gesture, but the baking would rarely turn out well. This was never any fault of Stan's. Usually Richie or Eddie would try to help, wanting to but in an effort, which Stan would always indulge, and one of them would end up totally fucking up the recipe.

This time Eddie had convinced Richie to leave the baking to Stan. Maybe it would actually turn out okay this time, Eddie suggested, without us two to get in the way. So that's how they found themselves walking down the main street of Derry looking in shop windows in search of the perfect gift. Richie was beginning to get restless, his ADHD kicking in and causing him to fidget and lose focus. Eddie nudged Richie's arm with his shoulder.

"Hey, you good?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Richie did not look good. His eyes couldn't stay in one spot, and his feet were starting to drag.

"Hey, Rich, we'll find something, I'm sure."

"I'm not so fucking sure, Eds! It's like all we have in this fucking town is a pharmacy and a grocery store!" Richie flung his arms in the air.

Eddie grabbed Richie's arm as he brought it down, wrapping his fingers around Richie's clenched fist. Richie's hand slowly opened up, and Eddie slid his own hand around until it was clasped with Richie's.

"This okay?" Eddie asked gently. 

Richie looked back and forth down the street. This wasn't the first time they'd held hands, but this was definitely more public than the trails in the woods or the local park. Main street was as public as you could get in Derry, outside of school, of course. Eventually Richie nodded, and Eddie squeezed his hand. Richie looked better already. 

"We'll find Ben something. We better. Or else Bev will murder us."

"She certainly will." 

After a pause, Richie let out a deep sigh.

"Sorry if I'm jittery, Eds, I'm just worried..."

"Worried he'll see us?"

The way Richie glanced up, with a slow tilt of his head, the way his eyes were filled right up with pain, Eddie didn't need an answer. They both knew what would happen if Richie's dad found out about them.

Eddie squeezed Richie's hand once more. "That old bastard is probably passed out by now, he's not gonna find us."

Just as Eddie finished speaking, he whipped his head around at the sound of a red sports car roaring past. Someone shouted above the noise of the engine.

"Faggots!"

A full coke bottle came flying out at Richie and Eddie, hitting the pavement in front of them and exploding into a shower of coke. It sprayed right onto both their clothes, even getting in Eddie's eyes. Eddie let go of their handhold to stumble against the wall of a shop and wipe his eyes with the clean parts of his shirt, trying not to imagine all the germs he was smearing around. It stung like hell, but Eddie forced himself to blink through it. When his eyes cleared enough, Eddie looked up at Richie, who was calmly cleaning his glasses.

"Not fair! You had protection," Eddie scoffed, groaning at the sight of his ruined clothes. "Ugh. Great. Just another thing to explain to my mom."

"There. Your turn." Richie reached out and placed his glasses on Eddie's head. Eddie's vision went incredibly blurry, and Richie looked like a blob in front of him. "Protection."

Eddie was pretty sure Richie was smiling. "No, take these back, you idiot, you need them to see."

Eddie shoved the glasses back onto Richie's face, missing one ear because Richie was so annoyingly tall. 

"And I'm fine! It's just our clothes that aren't."

Richie glanced at his own clothes and shrugged, then frowned at the sight of Eddie. 

"Damn it, I liked that shirt."

Eddie was wearing the green long sleeve that he had lent to Richie before. Eddie knew it wasn't very cleanly, but he hadn't washed the shirt since, and the smell of Richie still lingered on it. It's strange how Richie made Eddie's germophobia dissipate. Eddie never felt dirty around Richie (at least not in an unsanitary way), and the paranoia his mother had instilled in him would fade when he was close to Richie. Bodies weren't disgusting sacks of flesh and bone, like Eddie used to think. They were beautiful - Richie's in particular. 

Richie played with the hem of Eddie's green shirt. The coke had doused it pretty bad. There were stains all up the front and even on Eddie's right side. 

"We're just gonna have to take this off later..." Richie said with an eyebrow cocked. 

Eddie was about to let out a feigned gasp of shock. By now he was not surprised by Richie's humor. Eddie had been friends with Richie since grade two. He knew when to prepare for the bad jokes. But the way Richie was looking at him now, glasses half on, those deep eyes staring right into Eddie's, Eddie was pretty sure Richie was being serious. So Eddie let his gasp fade, and just nodded instead. He wasn't about to object to having his shirt removed later. Just not now, in the middle of Main Street, that's for sure. Eddie was almost worried that Richie was considering tearing Eddie's shirt off; their bodies were so close and their breathing was slow, and Richie truly seemed to be stuck in his thoughts. Then Eddie realized Richie's eyes had shifted focus to spot an inch from Eddie's face. 

"Eddie."

"What?"

Eddie turned his head sideways, reminding himself to breathe, until he could see what Richie was seeing. On the window of the shop behind Eddie, there was a poster taped to the glass. 

'Slam Poetry Battle' it read, in big, garish yellow letters, happening the week after next. Richie and Eddie both started laughing wildly, falling into each other like fools. Eddie wasn't even sure what was so funny, but it was one of those moments where that didn't really matter. The laughter was a weird mix of relief and humor, and it felt so good to laugh like that, shamelessly, despite it being awkward, ugly laughter. Awkward laughter like that period in between seasons, when summer is withering the grass but the yellow strands are still covered in spring dew each morning. Confusing and out of place, but still charming in it's own way. Yes. A laughter like the clashing of seasons. Eddie wasn't sure who was summer and who was spring. Or maybe they were each a bit of both. 

"Our solution was right under our nose this whole time!" Richie snickered, regaining his composure.

"I guess we know what we have to do now," Eddie said with a wicked grin. 

* * * 

Along with the tickets, one for Ben and one for Bev, Richie and Eddie bought a little bag to put them in, and a ribbon to tie a bow on it. Eddie knew Ben would love it. Whether or not the performers were that good, Ben would come away smiling, and, hopefully, feeling inspired to write some poems of his own. The event was in the basement of Derry's singular hotel, but Richie and Eddie had sussed it out, and it didn't look too sketchy, so they'd went along with the plan and bought the tickets. They used up all their own remaining birthday money for the gift. That was the problem with having so many close friends... the amount of gifts one had to buy a year definitely took a toll on the pockets. Of course the two of them had worked summer jobs when they could find them, and had some money tucked away, but it was always tough to find employment in Derry. However, the losers knew that birthdays were special, and were always willing to put in extra bucks if it meant spoiling their friends.

Once they'd climbed through Eddie's bedroom window, Richie pulled Eddie onto the bed until Eddie was sitting in his lap, legs wrapped around behind him. 

"Ben is going to have the best birthday ever. We're geniuses, hmmm?" Richie began to kiss Eddie firmly, one hand on Eddie's waist and one on his jaw. 

"D - dumb luck!" Eddie managed to stutter out. 

"Geniuses." Richie mumbled against Eddie's teeth.

Richie's lips were so soft and round, and Eddie loved the way they wrapped completely around his own thinner ones. Eddie was getting lost in the kissing, when Richie pulled away.

"Eds, I was serious with what I said about your shirt, we should really get this off, you know, because it needs to be washed and all," Richie began fast talking, trying to pull the shirt over Eddie's head.

"Rich. Richie!" Eddie squirmed. "Your lines! We're here to practice your lines." 

Richie just shook his head. "Mmmm, I know them, Eds. YOU probably have them memorized by now with all this practicing."

Richie started kissing Eddie's neck, and Eddie felt his whole body respond, the good kind of goosebumps going up his spine. 

"Richie! Lines!" Eddie nearly squealed. 

Richie hands were sliding under Eddie's shirt again, stroking his stomach and tickling his waist.

As Richie kissed Eddie's collarbones and neck, he whispered his lines into Eddie's skin. Richie was a naughty guy, Eddie knew, and they really did need to rehearse. But with each touch and kiss, Eddie started to forget what they needed to do and focus on what he wanted to do.

"Wilt thou be gone?" Kiss. "It is not yet near day." Kiss. "It was the nightingale, and not the lark, that pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear. Nightly she sings on yon pomegranate tree. Believe me, love, it was the nightingale." Richie ended the line with his lips next to Eddie's ear. "Your turn Juliet." 

"Uhhhhhh," despite how Eddie was not thinking straight at the moment, all sweaty and overstimulated in Richie's lap, he still managed to realize Richie's mistake. "Richie. That was Juliet's part."

"Awe shit." Richie muttered, bringing his lips up to Eddie's again. "Oops." Kiss. "I remember now... It was the lark, the herald of the morn, no nightingale. Look, love, what envious streaks do lace the severing clouds in yonder east." Richie slowly started to remove Eddie's shirt again, which smelled obnoxiously of coke as it passed over Eddie's nose. The cool air hit his bare chest, and Eddie gasped. 

"Night’s candles are burnt out, and jocund day stands tiptoe on the misty mountain tops. I must be gone and live, or stay and die." Richie took a moment to look Eddie up and down, and Eddie felt terribly exposed, terribly aware of his skinny frame. 

"Come on, Romeo, you've seen it before." Eddie was trying to act cool, when really he was taking all his effort not to cross his arms and cover himself up.

"But not like this, Eds, not like this." When Richie had gazed his fill, he took his own glasses off and rested them on Eddie's bedside table. "Where's that fire from last night, huh?" 

But whatever had possessed Eddie on his driveway in the dark last night wasn't emerging in the light of day. Eddie was right when he'd said the dark was easier. Eddie was too self conscious for this, to just be stared at and admired by Richie. It was too much. It was overwhelming.

Eddie nearly made a grab for his shirt when Richie reached down and pulled his own off over his head, revealing a slim but lithe, muscular build. Eddie was shocked his brain didn't implode from just looking at how sexy Richie was. And, like that, Eddie felt that same churning in his gut, that warmth and energy and intensity. Before he could think twice, he lunged and pinned Richie to the mattress, kissing him fiercely, sliding his tongue into Richie's parted lips, feeling his teeth and his tongue and their bare skin rubbing together. 

"That's it, Juliet!" Richie managed in the moments between kisses. "Your turn with the lines."

Eddie groaned and shook his head. "No more lines, Richie." 

This kissing was more, it was better, and it was making Eddie tremble. Eddie knew he'd need his inhaler soon enough, but for now he was just soaking up the fact that the guy he'd been crushing on for as long as he'd understood what crushes were was pinned beneath him without a shirt on. If Eddie really thought about it, about which seasons they were, he knew that, when it came to this growing relationship, Richie was summer. The sun of Richie was constantly shining, and was reliable to always be there with it's warmth and comfort. But Eddie - Eddie was spring. Inexperienced, fresh - reborn like this, shirtless, kissing Richie Tozier with the brash naivety that only spring could muster. But Eddie was also unreliable, like spring, Eddie knew, the rain could be hard to predict. It wasn't all sun and warmth for Eddie. While Richie had spent much of his teen years being praised and complimented by girls, Eddie had spent those years feeling like no one would ever be attracted to him. All Eddie could do was hope his fiery bravery could last, and tell himself that he was worthy of love, that he was worthy of Richie.

Eddie was spring. And he knew the spring sun couldn't shine forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting hot in here...


	14. Feel The Fire

The sound of the kitchen phone ringing woke Richie up. He groaned and rolled onto his stomach, face pressed into his pillow, groggy and only partly conscious. Since Eddie and him had begun dating, Richie started having the best sleeps of his life. He would go to bed with this content feeling in his heart and in his bones, and it felt like the instant his eyes closed he was gone. 

"Richard! It's for you!"

The sound of Richie's mom's voice snapped him out of his drowsy stupor, and he stumbled into the kitchen with eyes half-lidded.

"Yeah, I got it."

Richie picked up the phone, wondering who would be calling him early on a Sunday. He couldn't help but hope that it was Eddie. Perhaps Eddie just wanted to hear Richie's sexy voice and couldn't wait to see him in person?

"Yep? Who's this?"

"It's Stan."

"Oh."

Richie scratched the back of his greasy head. Nothing came to mind as a good reason for Stan calling. Richie was genuinely curious as to what prompted this. Stan and Richie were friends of course, but they weren't as close now as they used to be when they were younger. It had been awhile since Richie'd hung out with Stan alone, and even longer since he'd gotten a call from the curly-haired teen.

"Yeah, Richie, I need to talk to you. It's important." Richie hoped this wasn't a bad kind of important. Had something happened? Richie's mind instantly leaped to the darkest places, despite Stan sounding calm and put together. You never knew with Stan, though, what was really going on behind his big eyes and steady tone of voice.

"How important, Stan? It's early."

"Richie. It's past noon."

Richie looked across the kitchen to the clock mounted on the wall. "Well shit!"

"Yeah..." Stan sighed. Richie could practically hear Stan's eye-roll. "How soon can you meet at my place?"

"Um. I'll get some clothes on, then I'll leave." Richie glanced around the kitchen and pulled the phone cord as far as it could go so he could peak into the living room. No sign of his father, but his mother sat in her rocking chair knitting calmly.

"See you soon." Stan hung up abruptly, not even giving Richie the chance to respond.

* * *

Stan was waiting at the end of his driveway, and waved as Richie biked up. Richie's body was still a little sore from the fight, and he was grateful that Stan didn't have his bike out. It was much less painful to walk, as the bruises on Richie's ass (ones he did not mention when Eddie was cleaning him) would get irritated from biking for too long. Richie left his bike in Stan's garage.

They kept up a decent pace as they walked, being similar enough in height and leg length that their steps fell almost perfectly in time. As much as Richie's brain was indeed focused on thoughts of Eddie, Richie still felt happy to be walking alongside Stan. It had been too long since they'd done this.

"I'm sorry," Stan began, "that we made those bets and scared off Eddie and everything."

Richie shrugged. He wasn't at all bitter or resentful about that. He'd have done the same thing in the position of the other losers. Hell, Richie probably would've been the ring leader of the bets! He probably would've insisted on higher stakes too. There was no way that Richie could shame Stan, or any of the others, for doing something Richie himself would've relished in. Richie was always the meteor of the group - always the first asteroid to break off and start barreling down towards a planet. The others mainly followed in the trail of his destructive shooting star; Bill was the leader in everything but mischief.

"Don't worry, man, it's fine."

Stan gave a small nod. "Look, Richie, I'm not going to avoid the reason I called you today. I know you and Eddie are something more than friends."

Richie nearly tripped over his own feet. "What? No! I don't even like Eddie! Eddie and I, Eddie is - " As Richie looked into Stan's brown eyes, he knew that he couldn't lie about Eddie. Stan already knew, and nothing was going to change his mind.

"Alright. Fine. You're right, you smug fucker. How'd you know?"

Stan just nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "I saw it for myself. Went to find you guys after the bets went awry... and I found you. All cuddled up in that hammock together. So I left. To be honest I was skeptical of it all, even when Bill told me what he thought... that's why I bet against you. But I was clearly wrong. You guys seem to have finally addressed your feelings."

Richie nodded. "Yeah, I mean, yeah we did... but, uh, what about you?"

Stan glanced up suddenly, then back at his toes. Even after all these years, Stan still had this soft youthfulness about him, an innocence, perhaps, and it made Richie smile.

"What about me?"

It was Richie's turn to roll his eyes. "You know! About addressing your feelings for Bill!"

Stan flinched at the volume of Richie's voice. Ever since his voice dropped, Richie had a hard time controlling it, and he knew that he would often get too loud.

"Sorry," Richie muttered. Stan's face was hard to read, those little golden curls getting in his eyes, his lips a straight line.

"Let's not talk about me or Bill, Richie, I called you here to talk about you! And the fact that you need to tell the others losers about your... arrangement."

"Boyfriend, Stan, Eddie is my boyfriend."

"Is he?" Stan looked pleasantly surprised. "Alright then. I just want you to know that I am here to help in whatever capacity I can." 

Richie stuck out an accusing finger. "YOU are avoiding my question."

Stan shook his head, looking at his feet again. "It doesn't matter. Bill isn't over Bev. It's not my place to..." Stan trailed off and shrugged.

Richie could see in the way Stan's eyes brightened, in the way his body moved lighter and firmer when he mentioned Bill, that Stan was in the same place Richie had been for years, just less inside the closet. Stan's problem wasn't in his own self-belief; it was in his belief that Bill could love him back.

"Stan the man, you really like him!" Richie said in a surprisingly not teasing tone.

Stan smiled slightly. "Yeah. Have for years."

Richie patted Stan's shoulder gently. "If I can do it, you can do it."

Stan nodded again, meeting Richie's eyes for a split second.

"Oh man." Richie thought back to what it used to be like with Stan. Whispered secrets at sleepovers, shared laughs by firelight. Richie could hardly believe it had been so long. "We used to be so close, Stan... I guess I know what happened to us, huh?"

"What?"

"We fell in love, that's what. That shit comes before friendship, whether we want it to or not."

Stan laughed for the first time, and bumped Richie's shoulder with his own.

"S'pose it does."

* * *

After spending all afternoon with Stan, catching up, reliving past joys, and lamenting about their problems with their crushes, Richie found himself standing outside of Olive Garden wearing a tidy button-up shirt and his hair brushed neatly. Before leaving Eddie's room the other day, Richie had made Eddie a promise. A promise to take him out on a proper date, in a public place, somewhere Richie could prove how proud he was to be dating Eddie. And now, after his amazing time with Stan, Richie felt a new confidence and elation flooding his body. Richie was going to be the perfect date for his Eds.

Richie would be lying if he said he didn't notice Eddie's initial reluctance to bare his body to Richie. Eddie was so self-conscious, so stuck in his head, that he felt lesser around Richie, and Richie hated it. He wanted Eddie to feel completely free and accepted, to feel that Richie's arms were the safest place he could ever be. Because Richie would never stop shining his sun upon Eds. Richie needed Eddie to know just how beautiful he was. How those sprinkled freckles or pinked lips could turn Richie into a sweaty mess of awkwardness, so overcome with emotional purely from the presence of Eddie.

What Richie didn't want Eddie to know was how much he couldn't help but think he didn't deserve Eddie. It was hypocritical, yes, but Richie was okay with loathing himself - he just couldn't let Eddie do the same. Because Eddie was like a little angel, Eddie was practically perfect, Eddie was good at everything. He was clever and creative and full of intelligent ideas and a fierce determination. Compared to Eddie, Richie was bland. Sure, maybe Eddie wished he had a different body or a different look, but Richie wished for a different brain. He wanted to sound smart like Eddie, to form comments that were pointed and strong, to win arguments, to write papers that he could get A's on. If Richie could do that, well, he would've been able to apply to the colleges Eddie did. Maybe, if Richie had been smarter and better focused, he wouldn't have to lose Eddie to the call of higher education. That's the issue: Eddie wasn't a meteor like Richie. Eddie wasn't even a comet, or a planet, or a star. Eddie was a whole fucking galaxy of brilliant ideas and intelligent opinions. Eddie was everything Richie wasn't. Eddie had potential and talent. Eddie could do so much more than crack mildly funny jokes. And Richie knew that he couldn't get employed cracking mildly funny jokes. That wasn't realistic. But Eddie - Eddie had opportunities. And Eddie was prepared! All Eddie doors were open, all his rooms ready to be filled with knowledge and progress. Richie had closed all his doors before he even knew they existed. By simply being himself, Richie could never be on Eddie's level.

Richie swallowed the growing lump in his throat and thought about what Stan had said before they'd parted ways. "Eddie loves you just as much as you love him, Richie. If you can't see that, you're clearly blind." So Richie breathed slowly and repeated this to himself. 'Eddie loves you, Eddie loves you, Eddie loves you...'

Richie didn't realize he'd been muttering the words out loud, but when Eddie walked up to him, dressed in a cute royal blue blazer, Eddie looked a little confused.

"Who ya talking to?"

"Uhhhh..." Richie cleared his throat. "Someone. No one! Myself. Whatever."

Eddie gave a small shake of his head. "Such an enigma, Richie Tozier." 

The kissed once, just a peck, and took each other's hands as they entered the restaurant. 

The dinner was truly perfect. As perfect as Olive Garden could get, anyway. Seeing Eddie across from him, looking sharp and smiling plenty, Richie started to feel the weight of those words sink in. Eddie loves you. Eddie loves you. And Richie could feel it. In Eddie's soft glances up from his food. In the way their knees brushed under the table, the way Eddie's hand touched Richie's thigh when he talked. The air itself felt alive between them. And Richie felt happy. Happier than he'd felt in years. Every touch was a jolt of lightning. Every smile was a secret... But Eddie wasn't. Eddie was a statement. He was small and fierce and energetic. He was bold and sweet and gentle, all at once. He was the surest thing Richie had ever known. 

Eddie giggled as he tried to teach Richie how to properly hold a knife. 

"No, you don't squeeze it! It's not a dog toy! 

Their hands tangled together as Richie continued to fumble. It was a wonderful excuse to keep touching Eddie. 

"Richie, it's not like a pencil either. Or a sword. It's a utensil."

"What does that even mean?"

"You aren't trying to butcher your food - "

"Isn't that exactly what I'm trying to do?"

"No, Richie, you're trying to cut it. Like a human being, not a predator."

The two of them laughed on almost every sentence, so giddy with this feeling of mutual affection. The waiter may have shot them some odd glances, but the teens could care less. As they stepped out of Olive Garden, Richie felt like this was the only real date he'd ever been on. The only one that mattered, anyway.

Eddie stopped in his tracks on the doorstep. Richie saw the smile drop off Eddie's face before he saw what caused the sudden switch in emotion. 

"What is it?"

Then Richie followed Eddie's gaze across the street. Jeffrey was standing there, skateboard in hand, with two of his guys. They were staring directly at Richie and Eddie. They'd had a window seat for the dinner, and Jeffrey must've spotted them as they were dining. Richie's hand clenched into fists. He was about to rush across the street and pummel those idiots into the pavement, but Eddie grabbed his wrist.

"No."

Richie tugged to get away. "What? You let me beat them up before!"

"Just... trust me."

Eddie planted his feet on the ground and crossed his arms over his chest. Richie nearly growled with frustration, but followed Eddie's request, and stayed standing right where he was.

Jeffrey called to them as he crossed the street. 

"Hey, how are the little faggots doing? Having a romantic night out, huh?"

Richie's stomach churned with disgust.

Jeffrey pointed accusingly at Richie. "Shoulda known you were one of his kind! A dirty fucking flamer." Jeffrey spat on the pavement.

Richie wanted to rush them more than anything, to knock them down and pound their faces even worse this time, but the expression on Eddie's face stopped him. It was the same expression Richie had seen when Eddie had taken control of their make out session earlier. Squared jaw. Burning gaze. It was Eddie's fire face - and those flames could scorch anything in their path.

Eddie squared his shoulders. "Come on, Jeffrey! Is that all you got?"

"Hell no!" Jeffrey stood only a few feet from Eddie now, his big frame overshadowing Eddie's smaller one. 

Richie breathed in deeply and waited for Eddie's response.

"What are you going to do?" Eddie started talking loudly. Loud enough for everyone inside of Olive Garden to hear. Loud enough to gain attention. They were still only standing on the doorstep... And that's when Richie understood what Eddie was trying to do. 

"You going to beat us up?" Eddie nearly shouted. "Yeah? Right here? In front of everyone?"

The guests in the restaurant were starting to turn to look out the window.

Jeffrey looked stumped for once. He glanced at his guys, then back at Eddie. "Well, you can't stand here forever, faggot."

"Oh? Watch me. Just watch me! You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go back inside and tell the staff what you're up to. And that you've been loitering in front of their business for an hour! Dickheads!"

So Eddie had known? Their whole date, Eddie had known these assholes were waiting for them. He must've seen Jeffrey out the window, but he hadn't said anything to Richie. Richie knew now that Eddie had been planning what to do.

"In fact, I will personally call the police and tell them about you breaking the law! And they'll track you down and find you! Or you could leave now. I wouldn't risk staying, if I were you."

Eddie yanked Richie's sleeve, and they burst back into the restaurant. Richie could hear the sounds of skateboard wheels as Jeffrey and his crew turned on their heels and fled with tails between their legs. Eddie doubled over, looking suddenly pale, and breathing far too quickly. Richie grabbed the spare inhaler from his jacket pocket, and brought it to Eddie's mouth. Eddie puffed into it heavily.

When Eddie's oxygen levels were normal again, he smiled up at Richie. 

"How was that?" Eddie asked tentatively. 

Richie cupped Eddie's face with his hand, resisting the urge to pinch his round, pink cheeks. He'd never wanted to kiss Eddie more in his life, but knew this wasn't the right time. Eddie's lungs were exhausted enough already.

"Incredible, Eddie Spaghetti. You were a forest fire out there!"

Eddie laughed lightly. "I know!"

"But really..." Richie smoothed Eddie's cheek with his thumb, not caring that some of the restaurant customers were still gawking at the two of them. "Why didn't you tell me you'd seen those guys?"

"I didn't want to spoil our date, of course," Eddie said. "I was having too much of a good time."

Richie actually did pinch Eddie's cheek then, as Eddie batted him away.

"Richard!"

"Edward!" Richie exclaimed. "You truly are a badass, my little man."

"I wasn't joking about calling the police though," Eddie said, face serious, "we can't have those asswipes following us home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas their struggles aren't over... these poor boys, man.  
.  
.  
I actually have a question for you all too, and the more feedback, the better. This fic is only one half of a two half fic I have planned. The second half will be them as adults, much like the movies. Should I just make it part two of this same fic, or make this a series and start brand new with the second half when I'm done this half? I don't know, just food for thought.


	15. It Was Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning: some spiciness ahead. Continue at your own risk.

Monday was the warmest day of the year so far, which all the losers felt as they woke up, but none more than Eddie.

Eddie never slept with his windows open because of his allergies, but on this spring morning Eddie truly regretted it. In the few groggy moments between sleep and attentiveness, Eddie thought the warmth was just his comfort and joy at being with Richie, but when his eyes fluttered open, Eddie knew that he was wrong. Eddie wasn't just warm, he was boiling, and he threw his covers off dramatically. His body felt sticky with sweat. It was one of the worst feelings in the world to Eddie, because all he could manage to think about was that terrible crawling feeling under his skin, like all the bacteria in his body had turned against him.

Feeling itchy or sticky or sweaty just equaled uncleanliness to Eddie, and if it was one thing Eddie couldn't stand, it was being uncleanly. Even after masturbating he always made sure to take a shower and clean up everything to perfection. So waking up in intense heat was not a feeling Eddie appreciated. He tugged his shirt over his head, breathing heavily, with the hopes of alleviating some of his discomfort. Eddie knew that today was the right day to bring out the short-shorts, and he knew just as well how much Richie would appreciate that. Eddie bit his lip just thinking of Richie, and decidedly dressed in the same shorts he'd had since he was twelve (proving how little Eddie has grown), the ones with the small rainbow flags on his upper thighs. Eddie couldn't help but think of Richie's eyes on his ass he walked down the hallway, and, for once, Eddie truly wanted to be stared at. Self confidence had always been a struggle for Eddie, but these shorts were nothing new, so they didn't scare him. It was the newness that scared Eddie. But these shorts... in this context... suddenly seemed a little tighter than Eddie remembered. Either Eddie's ass grew, or he was a tad more self conscious. Likely the latter. 

* * * 

Eddie didn't see Richie until lunchtime. Richie was standing in line for cafeteria food, since he rarely brought his own. But Eddie already had a lunch, of course, so he took a deep breath and summoned the courage to walk by Richie with a sway in his hips, sticking out his ass ever so slightly. Eddie elbowed Richie as he walked by, heading for their regular booth, where Beverly and Ben sat watching them. 

"Hey!" Richie exclaimed, but he didn't follow it up with any more words. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie could see Richie turn around to watch Eddie walk away. Eddie hoped Richie was taking in the view. 

This was the first day of school since Eddie and Richie had started dating. They still hadn't quite discussed how to come out as gay to the group, never mind tell the other losers that they were boyfriends. It could be awkward, hiding it (from everyone but Stan, because Richie said Stan had seen them together), and Eddie intended to take full advantage of that awkwardness to tease Richie. It would only make their alone time even more special. And Eddie liked to be in control of everything in his life. So being a tease was a good offensive for the fact that Eddie actually felt ridiculously, terribly out of control. Richie made Eddie's carefully wired world spin like an amusement park ride. Eddie couldn't let it show just how much Richie turned Eddie's carefully structured mind to zero gravity, because it was frightening. Richie was too bright. Too loud. Too much.

And Eddie loved it.

Bev gave Eddie a once-over as he sat down.

"Huh," she said, "you're blushing." 

"I am? Well, um, it is pretty hot."

"And so are those shorts!" Bev said pointedly, a single eyebrow raised. "Who are you trying to impress?" 

Bev knew, and Eddie suspected that all the losers sort of knew. They knew how Richie and Eddie felt for each other, even if they didn't know the extent to which those feelings had come to fruition.

"I've had these shorts forever!" Eddie objected.

Bev shrugged. "Yeah, and every year they seem shorter."

Ben snickered at his girlfriend, and Eddis must admit he had to hold back a giggle himself.

Eddie was so distracted that he didn't hear Richie approaching, and when the other boy plopped himself next to Eddie in the booth, Eddie started.

"Jumpy, much?" Richie said, not turning to look at Eddie. Richie's cheeks were red too, but then again, they were always a bit ruddy. It was sometimes hard to tell of Richie was truly blushing or not, which was quite frustrating, as Eddie was the Rudolf of blushing - his cheeks could lead the way through a snowstorm.

"Just nervous for our English quiz!" Eddie responded lamely.

Bev smirked and exchanged a very couple-like glance with Ben.

"Good God!" Richie rolled his eyes, talking through a mouthful of sandwich, "You guys act married already!"

"Well so do you!" Bev snapped back, eyes darting between Eddie and Richie. "Shocked you two don't have rings by now."

If anyone could match Richie in sassiness, it was Beverly. 

"No one said our marriage was exclusive," Richie joked, knee knocking against Eddie's under the table, a soft reassurance that whatever crap he said out loud was not what he really believed. "Eddie and I have open minds. Why marry one when you have to many options!" Richie flung his arms wide, nearly knocking Eddie's ear as his hand flew behind it. Eddie could feel the skin on the back of his neck prickle with the proximity of Richie's arm. As Richie withdrew, his fingertips brushed the nape of Eddie's neck, and Eddie could feel an unwanted boner developing under his shorts. So much for Eddie being the tease! Eddie could hardly comprehend that Richie could affect him like this - and all they'd done so far was kiss. Eddie couldn't imagine what being around Richie would be like after they'd done more than that... how would Eddie ever be able to focus in class again? 

Mike, Bill, and Stan joined the group shortly after Richie, causing Eddie to have to shuffle down in the booth to make room for the other losers, and in the squishiness, his mostly bare thigh was pressed up noticeably against Richie's clothed one. 

Eddie swallowed slowly. He figured that the only way to stay in control was just not to look at Richie's face or to make any eye contact whatsoever. Because Eddie knew if he did... he knew he'd be wildly distracted by Richie's lips, and he knew he'd be too tempted to kiss them right in front of everyone. But Eddie knew PDA wasn't Richie's favorite thing, unless it had a specific intention, like it did at the party. It seemed Richie had the same idea, because Richie barely even turned his head in Eddie's direction the whole of lunch. Stan stared at them with a knowing smirk. Eddie just smiled condescendingly in Stan's direction, while Richie found multiple reasons to flip his middle finger towards Stan during their conversation.

"So..." Bill said part way through lunch, as everyone turned to listen. "St - Stan and I had an idea... Because it's s - s - so warm today, maybe we could g - go to the quarry for a swim. Like - like - like the old days."

"It's been too long," Stan added.

All the losers nodded in agreement, and decided to bike to the quarry after school. It only felt fitting to return to their roots in their last year together, and Eddie knew that the cool quarry water would feel nice after such a sweltering day at school.

Eddie made sure to bike in front of Richie the whole way there, giving Richie a perfect view of the tiny short-shorts. 

* * *

As they piled their bikes at the top of the cliff, Bev started to laugh, gazing out towards the water.

"Do you remember the first time I came here with you guys? I was like a foreign creature. You couldn't stop ogling me."

Bill looked pointedly at his feet, and Eddie seemed to be the only one who noticed Stan grasping Bill's hand. 

Ben was grinning. "You were so beautiful! How could we not stare?"

"Oh, I know," Bev said, "I always felt beautiful around you guys. Especially you, baby." Beverly kissed Ben briefly, and Bill did not raise his head. 

Mike chuckled. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I wish I'd been there!"

Richie rolled his eyes from where he stood next to Eddie. "You didn't miss much. Just Beverly in her underwear. Not so exciting."

"Hey!" Bev exclaimed, shoving Richie towards the cliff.

"Well fuck you too!" Richie shoved Beverly back.

"Hey, don't touch me, dickhead!"

"Oh, so you can and I can't? Seems fair, huh?"

Mike and Ben laughed, and Eddie joined in, because it was just so hard to resist laughing at those two, even though Eddie was hyper-aware of Bill and Stan silently holding hands next to him. They must've seen Eddie looking, because they dropped hands, and Stan came suddenly, animatedly, to life. Stan smiled at Bill, tugging him towards the cliff and the bickering Bev and Richie.

"Come on, let's show them who the sissies are now."

Bill smiled then too, and they both flung off their clothes and ran between the Bev and Richie, leaping into the air together before plummeting towards the water. 

"Sissies!" Stan shouted with a giggle, imitating Beverly on that day years ago.

"Hey, hey, hey, wait for me!" Richie objected, removing his shorts and shirt, then struggling to tear his socks off. "Fuck it."

Richie jumped in wearing only his underwear and his knee high socks. Eddie may have been slow going in just so he could watch his boyfriend's smooth skin catching the sunlight, muscles flexing and light freckles revealing themselves in the direct light. Good Lord, Eddie wanted to kiss every one of them. 

Beverly leaped in only moments after Richie, her ginger hair billowing out behind her as she fell.

Eddie, Ben, and Mike all undressed more slowly, and took turns with their jumps as the others watched below, cheering and shouting scores out of ten.

"Ten!!!!" Beverly screamed as Ben jumped, while Richie shouted a critical 'five!'.

Mike, of course, had perfect athletic form, and was met with a resounding chorus of eights, nines, and tens.

Eddie jumped last, and he knew his dive was clumsy as fuck, but his friends still rated him six and above. However, in the moment as Eddie was caught in free fall, he noticed the absence of Richie's intruding voice. No number was shouted by his boyfriend, which lead Eddie to believe that his teasing had actually paid off. Richie must have been stunned to see Eddie so near to naked, wearing very gay pink boxers (they were a Valentine's gift from his mom) and nothing else. 

Hitting the water felt amazing, and not just because Eddie knew Richie was watching. If that strange feeling of free-fall was the same as the in-between of spring and summer, an awkward phase between intensities, then Eddie hitting the water was summer finally shaking off spring. Underneath the waters of the quarry, on the hottest day of the year so far, Eddie felt truly happy. The sight of Eddie's warm skin under the sun, pink cheeks raised to the sky, body suspended in air, managed to silence the infamously never-silent Richie Tozier. This was a feat Eddie knew only he could achieve, and, for once, Eddie saw himself the way Richie always saw him; beautiful. Eddie broke the surface with stinging nostrils and a slightly bitten tongue, but a mind born anew. It was the magic of this place, of the quarry, of the vibrant sun, that inspired in Eddie a wave of confidence, which he knew he would ride as long as it could take him. 

This whole time since the closet, Eddie had been waiting for something to break, for this precious thing with Richie to shatter. But now Eddie realized it never could, because this thing between them was not glass. It was water. Sure, it could shift, and move, and change, and Eddie knew there were keyholes of Richie's he still hadn't peered through, but their bond could never be broken. It was a flood that filled them, and as long as the storm of affections continued, their waters could never be drained.

As soon as Eddie joined the group, they began fighting and splashing each other like they were thirteen again. Eddie observed Richie and Stan wrestling with a grin - Eddie was the glad they had connected again. 

Bill swam up next to Eddie, also watching, as Stan shoved Richie's head under.

"They're pretty m - matched in build, I would say."

"Yeah. But Stan has an advantage in brains."

Richie thrashed and gargled until Stan let go, ever the drama queen. 

Bill smiled a small, gentle smile that Eddie only ever saw when Bill was looking at or thinking about someone he cared deeply for.

"It's f - f - funny, Eddie, they hang out one - once, and now it's like they never grew apart."

"I know. Look at them."

The fighting had turned to cooperation, as Richie tried to clamber onto Stan's shoulders like they used to when they were thirteen.

Bill snickered, but his voice remained serious. "It's nice. To see them so ha - happy."

Eddie nodded in agreement.

As the afternoon progressed, and the others splashed each other and began another water war, Eddie swam up next to Richie where the water was shallower. Eddie's toes could just touch the bottom, but Richie was standing up straight next to him. Damn their height difference.

"Getting out of the sun?" Eddie asked casually. 

Richie stood just where trees jutted out over the quarry, casting some welcome shade. 

"Dunno. I was kinda hoping you'd come to me."

Eddie knew he was blushing through his freckles. "So this was a test?"

Richie smirked. "Maybe?"

Eddie splashed and kicked him. "Fuck you!"

Richie kicked back. "Go ahead!"

Richie grappled Eddie's shoulders as they shoved each other back and forth, Eddie getting more and more out of breath with each shove and splash, and more and more turned on. Eddie just pretended he didn't really hear Richie's response to his 'fuck you!' It could've been a joke, as most things with Richie were, but it still made Eddie feel giddy. Eventually Eddie gave up, panting, as Richie pinned him to the sandy bank of the quarry, Richie's long hair dripping into Eddie's face.

"Okay, okay, you win!"

But Richie didn't move. He just sat there, legs around Eddie's waist, hands on both of Eddie' shoulders. Eddie could hear the other losers in the background, still distracted, laughing and splashing one another.

Richie leaned down as if to kiss Eddie, but instead moved his mouth next to Eddie's ear.

"I haven't been able to stop looking at you, you little tease, so get up and into the forest with me now or I swear I'm going to implode." Richie practically growled the whole sentence. The electric tension between them was pulled taught, as Eddie was aware that the only clothes they were wearing were their underwear and Richie's Goddamn knee socks. 

Richie let go of Eddie and disappeared into the trees. Eddie stood up, seeing none of the losers had noticed their absence yet, and followed Richie's path into the forest.

When Eddie had gone deep enough to no longer be visible, Richie seemed to leap out of nowhere to push Eddie up against a tree. The bark scraped Eddie's bare back, but he didn't care, because Richie's lips were on his, and Richie's undeniable erection was pressed against his thigh.

They kissed long and deep, and Eddie came out of it gasping for air. 

"Richie! Fuck."

Richie wouldn't stop smirking. "You made it impossible not to do this, Eds! In those shorts... and now these pink underwear, God..."

Eddie gasped as Richie hooked his thumbs into the waistband of Eddie's underwear, pulling lightly and letting the band slap back against Eddie's bare skin. 

"Richard Tozier!" Eddie exclaimed, not sure what else to say. His senses were pretty overwhelmed as it was. They'd never been this close to naked in such proximity before.

"Ugh, Eds, it's to hard to keep pretending." Richie pushed his own hair out of his eyes - he'd left his glasses on the banks so he could swim, and Eddie could see the deepness of Richie's eyes like never before.

"It was your idea," Eddie groaned, placing a kiss against Richie's jaw.

"We should really, really tell them... Mmmmm." Eddie stopped Richie mid-sentence with a kiss. See? Out of control. Eddie would never be so rude on a regular occasion, unless completely heated about something. And Eddie sure was heated now, just not in the angry way. 

Richie pressed his body even harder against Eddie, hips grinding in a barely perceptible manner. Eddie's own erection was starting to demand attention too, and Eddie groaned again between kisses at the feeling of Richie's dick pressed against his own. Eddie had his arms fully wrapped around Richie's torso, pulling their chests together, and Eddie could even feel the hairs from Richie's treasure trail tickling his stomach. 

Then Eddie heard a stick snap. And clearly Richie heard it too, because they both paused mid-makeout to look towards the sound.

In the forest a handful of feet away stood the whole losers club, mouths hanging open so wide it looked like they were screaming. So much for needing to tell the others... Eddie was sure this image of the two of them pressed together against a tree was a sufficient explanation. Richie and Eddie had taken the risk of making out publicly, and they only had themselves to blame. Richie didn't even bother moving away from Eddie. He just remained there, arms wrapped around Eddie's neck and tangled in his hair.

"Hi guys." Richie grinned like it was just another day, while Eddie swore he flushed all the way from his head to his toes.

The grin on Stan's face was enough all on its own to make Eddie feel the full force of embarrassment. 

Everyone's mouths moved as if to speak, and Bev was the first to find words again.

"So what exactly happened in that closet, anyway?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How NSFW should this fic get?
> 
> (I was thinking of changing the rating to explicit because of future chapters.)
> 
> Also I think my updates are just going to be 1 - 2 days apart for now, school is really busy!


	16. The Great Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance, it gets a bit angsty here.

"I can't believe you fell asleep in English class."

"Did not."

"You absolutely did, I saw your eyes close and everything - "

"Dozing off is not the same thing as falling asleep, Eddie!" Richie elbowed his boyfriend playfully in the ribs. They walking their bikes home together, as it allowed them to spend more one on one time than biking did. 

"Either way it's a kind of sleep, you know."

Richie just sighed and gave in. Sometimes that was the best thing to do with Eddie - just sigh and let him win, because when Eddie was determined he was very hard to convince to step down. 

Today was the day before Ben's birthday, and the Losers were thinking of every last detail to add to the surprise party. Bev was so excited about it, she wouldn't shut up all day. Whenever Ben wasn't around, she would get this crazy smile, a smile that definitely did not look suspicious at all. But the instant Ben got near her, she'd wipe it off her face again. Eddie and Richie were excited to give their present to Ben. Richie was certain that Ben would be grateful, and hoped beyond hope that the poetry show really was good, so Ben wouldn't have to pretend it was awesome just because it was a gift. The plan was that Eddie would host the party, as his mom was going out of town, and they would invite Ben over for a regular hang out, but instead bring him right to the surprise. It was an obvious trick, and Ben would probably figure it out, but it would still be nice to show Ben just how much the other losers cared about him.

As the teens reached Richie's driveway, Richie knew that they had to part ways, since they had so much homework. He was still getting used to this whole thing where Eddie didn't object to Richie being in his personal space anymore, so Richie took advantage of it far too often. They both knew that neither of them could get any homework done when they were with each other, so Eddie had set down some ground rules a few days ago.

"Number one. When we have an essay due, no hanging out the day before. Two, if we do spend the day together, we promise to work on homework at lunch. Okay? Great. I knew you'd listen, Richie." Eddie had noticed Richie's grimace, but continued on in a sarcastic tone. "I know how much you love homework, so I'm sure this will be a breeze. Right? Okay, cool."

And that was that. An essay due tomorrow meant less Eddie time... But Richie could handle it. He was nearly an adult now anyway.

So, when Richie reached his driveway, he decided not to waste a moment without flirting with his boy. They stood with their bicycles in between them awkwardly, and Richie leaned over, pressing his nose up against Eddie's.

"So you promise to make up for this essay with some alone time with me, right?"

Eddie rolled his eyes. "Yes, I mean, if I get a good grade on it."

Richie puckered his lips mockingly. "Or you could kiss me, and I'd give you grades for that... If kissing was a class, you'd have straight A's, Eds."

"I do have straight A's! In regular class." Eddie turned his face away with a sassy eyebrow raised. Richie was about to lean in for a kiss (they always kissed when they were bickering), but his spine started to tingle as if someone was staring right at it.

Richie nearly dropped his bike as his head snapped to look at his house. There was Richie's father, standing on the porch with a bottle in hand, a look of pure disgust wrinkling his unshaven face. 

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing?" Richie's father shouted across the lawn, waving his bottle in the air. 

Richie swallowed the dread that rose in his throat, but his limbs felt frozen in place as he watched his father stumble down the steps drunkenly. Richie glanced sideways at Eddie, who had turned pale as a ghost. 

"Hey!" Richie's father yelled, tripping over his own feet at the bottom step. He was looking at Eddie now. "You little faggot! Get the FUCK out of my yard!"

Being so drunk that he could hardly stand, Richie's father resorted to hurling the bottle he was holding down the driveway, where it shattered only a foot or so from Eddie. The two teenagers jumped back in shock, and Richie felt his frozen limbs awaken. Eddie yelped - some of the pieces of bottle had lodged themselves in Eddie's calf. Richie watched in horror as his father struggled towards them, shouting obscenities.

"Eddie, Eds! Get out of here. Run! Run or he'll hurt you."

Eddie gaze whipped between Richie and his father, unsure whether he should stay to help his boyfriend or get to safety from the clearly unstable man before him.

"But Richie - "

"No buts, Eds! I can handle this. Go!" Richie gave Eddie the slightest shove. Eddie swung on top of his bike and peddled away, glancing back at Richie every few feet. Richie, however, was too preoccupied to notice. Richie had dropped his bike to the side of the driveway, and turned with planted feet and fiery eyes to the man who had made his life a living hell, who had hurt him, emotionally and physically, who had made him feel small and worthless, made him feel so ashamed of his sexuality. This man was his torturer; but also his blood. And Richie knew it was time to face him.

"Richie, who the fuck was that?"

"Eddie Kaspbrak. My friend. You know him." Richie shouted down the driveway. His father had made it halfway down, and was now propping his wobbly body against his car. 

"Your friend, huh? What were you doing there, all, all fucking cozy like that?" 

Richie felt a pain in his jaw from the pressure of his teeth clenching together. He felt a surge of confidence that filled his lungs and brought his arms to a crossed position. Richie felt ready to speak the truth.

"You want to know the truth, Dad?"

Richie's father nodded.

"We were actually about to kiss. Because Eddie is my boyfriend. And you're right about me being a faggot! Because I am! I'm gay, Dad, so fucking deal with it!" Richie stomped one foot hard onto the pavement.

His father's face contorted even further into disgust. 

"You're what?"

"Gay, Dad! How loud do you want me to shout it?"

Richie's father stumbled towards him, arms reaching out to grab his collar, but Richie swiftly dodged him and made a move towards the house.

"There are no faggots allowed in my house, boy! You nasty little motherfucker!" 

"I'm your son, asshole!" Richie yelled over his shoulder. He whisked past his mother in the kitchen, dumping all his school stuff in his room. Richie let out a deep, pent up sigh, then squared his shoulders and walked back into the living room. His father was just closing the door, fuming with anger, shaky and trembling from the alcohol.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Richie's father grunted out, leaning his body against the door frame, blocking Richie's path to the door.

"Nothing has gotten into me, Dad. Being gay doesn't mean I'm possessed!"

"Gay!" The older man nearly growls. "Not on my watch!"

Richie's father lunges for him again, meaty hands reaching out to pin him against a wall, but Richie was ready this time. Normally Richie didn't fight back - he let his father hurt him, because he thought if he just stayed quiet and did what he was told, than it would be over faster. Sometimes his father would get bored, and stop hitting him. But sometimes, especially when his dad was drunk, even if Richie stayed very still and shut his eyes to block it all out, the beatings lasted a long time. It was a losing game. No matter what Richie did, he was screwed. And the worst part was, he had to live with this man. Richie had to wake up each morning dreading his father's presence, dreading the knowledge that he would have to live in the same space as his tormentor until he graduated. Or did he?

This time was different. This time Richie had something to lose. He had Eddie. And there was no way in hell that Richie would give up the boy he loved because of his stupid, drunken father. And Richie knew how to deal with drunks like this, he could dodge out of his father's way with ease, he'd just never tried it before, because he knew that the next time his father was sober, Richie would pay for being so clever. 

But Richie had an idea this time, even if it wasn't a proper, fully-formed one. 

Richie stepped out of his father's path, and the man lunged full-throttle into the sofa. 

"Ughhhh! Richard you bitch!" 

Richie stepped behind the glass coffee table, separating himself from his father. 

"What, Dad? I can't hear you."

Richie didn't know where these words were coming from, what powerful part of him had surged to the surface to say things he never would have dared to a week ago. His father shoved himself off of the sofa and turned on Richie, eyes red and full of a deep shame and anger. This man really couldn't handle Richie's sexuality, and he never would be able to. He was an asshole and an abuser and a horrible person, and Richie would never feel sorry for him, no matter how wasted or exhausted he was. 

As Richie's father took a swing at Richie over the table, fist aiming to connect with Richie's cheek, Richie leaned backwards, not fully aware of what domino effect his action would cause. As Richie leaned away, his father's fist collided with nothing but air, and his father's body began to tip forward from the lack of balance. Richie felt an invisible force propel him away from the pending disaster, just far enough so when his father's chest connected with the glass table, shattering it on impact, Richie was far enough away to avoid the glass shards that went flying in every direction. His father's body made a terrible clunk as it slammed onto the floor.

Richie looked back at his pathetic father. He had passed out from the contact of his head slamming against the floor, and he had a few cuts from the glass, but it was nothing serious, despite the little voice deep inside Richie that wished it was. He turned away to see his mother standing at the door to the kitchen, mouth open and tears in her eyes. Richie's mother knew what went on behind closed doors, but Richie realized she'd never seen his father try to hurt him before, not in person at least. 

"Mom," Richie approached her, eyes pleading for her to understand, "I'm sorry about the coffee table."

His mother nodded mutely, still staring at her husband's body on the floor.

"Mom!" Richie snapped his fingers to get her attention, and she turned her head swiftly to look at him. "I can't stay here anymore. I have to go. I have to leave. I'm sorry. But I'm almost an adult by now."

Richie's mother nodded her head solemnly, seemingly not surprised, but her eyes were sad.

"Where will you go, Richie?"

Richie shrugged. He hardly knew himself. "Not sure. But it's okay. I promise I'll keep going to school and everything. I just... I can't live here anymore."

Richie moved to get by his mother to go pack his stuff, but she grabbed his wrist before he could leave. She pressed something sharp and cold into his palm. 

"Take it," she whispered softly, "I never use it anyway."

Richie's hand closed around the object. He knew what it was - his mother's car keys. She was giving Richie her car. 

He mouthed a silent thank you and kissed her cheek, feeling sorry that she was stuck with her husband, when Richie would no longer be there. But his mother was giving him something he never could've hoped for, and he felt a warmth for this distant woman blossom in his chest for a split second. He couldn't blame her for not being emotionally involved when she was married to such a monster. 

* * *

Richie didn't have his full license, so driving alone was totally illegal, but he did it anyway. Richie wasn't the best driver, which was partly why Eddie always drove him, but this time he kept focus and drove to Eddie's place in no time, parking a block away so Eddie's mother wouldn't go snooping around. Richie's heart was pounding at what he'd done. He could hardly believe it. Richie had run away from home with only a car and a duffel bag of possessions in the back seat. 

It had taken Richie a decent amount of time to pack, yet his father was still passed out in the remains of the coffee table by the time Richie left, hugging his mother on the doorstep. Then Richie had driven the car a few blocks and sat in the drivers seat and cried for a long time, he wasn't quite sure how long, but long enough to make his face hot and red and itchy. Richie knew he could do this, he would find a way of getting through these last few months without ever having to go back to that house. If he could help it, he'd never see the inside of that building again, and he'd never feel that lingering dread of his father's eyes on him, knowing he could be hit at any moment. So it was starting to get dark by the time Richie arrived at Eddie's house. 

Richie snuck around the side of the house and knocked on Eddie' window, two knocks and one tap of the fingers - Eddie knew the code - and it slid open a couple seconds later, Eddie's flushed and freckled face peering out. 

"Richie, what are you - I told you that I have homework, I - " Something in Richie's face must've caught Eddie's attention, because he stopped mid-sentence and started again. "What's wrong? Are you okay"

Richie almost burst into tears again, meeting Eddie's concerned gaze. He felt his eyes begin to itch.

"Eddie, I need you to get out here. We have to talk."

Eddie knew something consequential had happened, because he slipped out without donning one of his customary coats. They walked silently to Richie's car, and when they got there, Richie let Eddie into the passenger seat, and they both took deep breaths.

"You drove here?" Eddie started. 

Richie nodded, but got straight to the point himself. 

"I ran away. I'm not going back. I told my Dad, Eds, I told him I'm gay..." Richie buried his head in his hands, his long curly hair scrunching into his eyes. "I don't know what to do..." He started wheezing like Eddie did when he needed an inhaler, and Eddie pressed his own to Richie's lips. 

Richie breathed in long and deep, feeling the oxygen fill his lungs.

Eddie wrapped an arm around Richie's shoulder, understanding written in every line and freckle on his pretty face. 

"We'll figure it out, Rich. I'm sure we will."

Eddie stroked his shoulder softly as Richie regained his composure.

"Listen, Eds, I don't want pity. You understand?"

Eddie nodded. He knew Richie so well.

"You're right. I will figure this out. But for now, my mom gave me her car."

"She did?" Eddie's eyes went wide as he fully noticed their surroundings. 

"Yes..." Richie sighed, "Eds, I think I just want to be free. And I'm getting it, finally, I'm getting it. I should be happy."

"Richie, you don't need to be happy over something like this, I just, I really care, I really want to be here - "

Richie brought a hand down onto Eddie's thigh, silencing him. 

"You don't need to say anything. I know you care, Eddie Spaghetti. I want you to kiss me, okay? That'll help more than anything else you could do."

Eddie smiled just a tiny bit. "Okay."

They both leaned across the gearshift and met in the middle, mouths reaching for each other with a comfort that Eddie could never properly put into words. But Richie felt it, in every limb and every shaky breath between kissing, he felt all the unspoken I love yous. Slowly his heartbeat calmed, and Richie let himself drift away in Eddie's touch, relief coursing through his body.

"A+," Richie muttered softly, (everything was soft about this), and Eddie let out a small laugh into Richie's mouth. 

This kissing was new in it's own way. It was not the ferocious, hungry sort of making out they usually did, the making out of fresh, desperate lovers. No. This was the kind of kissing most people never experienced until years into a marriage.

This was the kissing of two people who knew each other better than anyone else in the universe, two people who would do anything to make each other happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for my longer than usual break! Classes have been really demanding, and i hope after Halloween I'll find a better routine with this. 
> 
> Hope you don't mind the angst, I'm so sorry!


	17. Emotions So Strong

Eddie was worried about Richie, of course. Even though it was Ben's birthday - it was supposed to be Ben's time for attention - Eddie couldn't get his mind off Richie.

Richie had stood up for himself, had finally confronted his father, and it had turned out like Eddie never could've imagined it. Eddie wasn't sure how he'd imagined it... Eddie always knew there'd be backlash if Richie told his father he was gay. Richie's father would hurt him, and probably ground him, and ban him from seeing Eddie ever again. But Eddie hadn't thought so much about what Richie would do in that situation. Guess he knew now.

When Eddie tried to confront him, Richie didn't say much. He didn't want to talk about it. Richie was always like that; he'd rather bottle up emotions and let them cook and simmer until they overflowed, rather than addressing them head-on. For all Richie's obnoxious personality, for all his loud-mouthed statements and his ridiculous jokes, he struggled with speaking aloud about things that actually mattered. Eddie wanted to just shake him, pinch him, kiss him, until Richie started talking, just talking it all out, taking the lid off that stew-pot of resentment and bitterness. 

But if Richie was bad at anything, it was deescalation. Once his emotions were riled up, they were bound to stay that way. All Eddie could do was hope and wait it out, and support Richie in any form he could, even if that meant avoiding speaking of what happened in a serious way.

Truth was, Eddie really wanted to know; what had made Richie chose to run away? What caused that decision? What did Richie say or do to his father that brought him to this complete desperation? Eddie felt restless with the lack of answers. 

Richie came over early to help set up for the party at Eddie's. Eddie's mom had left town that morning, and finally they had the house to themselves. Eddie had to admit that it was kinda nice having Richie so close, his car parked a few houses down and around the corner. Richie didn't so much come by as pop in. 

"So how was sleeping in the car, Trashmouth?"

Eddie busied himself with setting out the snacks on the table in the dining room. Richie trailed him as he bustled back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, not being helpful whatsoever. Eddie had already put up all the decorations - he'd even hand painted a banner that read 'Happy Birthday Ben' in neat capital letters. Richie had done fuck all in comparison, but Eddie didn't mind. He liked the company, even if it was very distracting company with tempting lips and sexy curly hair. 

"Not bad. M'legs were a bit too long though, if I'm being honest."

"Good thing you can sleep at mine for the next few days, before - "

"Your sexy mother returns. I know." Richie wiggled his eyebrows. "Jesus, Kaspbrak, I'm gonna miss her while she's away."

Eddie snickered reluctantly, "I'm so sorry you're stuck with me instead!"

Eddie nearly tripped over Richie as he emerged from the kitchen carrying a bowl laden high with chips. Richie pecked him on the nose. 

"Someday I want to have kissed every one of your freckles, Eds. Every one, I swear."

"Good luck," Eddie said, bending down to lay out the chips, "there's a lot of 'em."

As Eddie bent over, he felt the ghost of Richie's hand run up his thigh and graze his ass, settling tantalizingly at his waist. He could feel his face light on fire.

"There's a lot of lines in Romeo and Juliet," Richie whispered flirtatiously, "yet somehow I'm memorizing them all. Freckles got nothing on that." 

"Uh-huh," Eddie responded lamely, too distracted by the feeling of Richie's hand on his hipbone. Just one touch, and Eddie could feel blood flowing between his legs. God. Eddie had never been so constantly horny before in his life, but Richie had made him so sensitive, made Eddie's body into this foreign thing that Eddie couldn't control. 

"Look, Rich, they'll be here any minute now! Just 'cause we snuck out of class early doesn't mean we have lots of time!"

Eddie slapped Richie's hand from where it was stroking the groove between Eddie's ribs and hipbone.

"Come onnnnnn. So what if they walk in? They should appreciate the show!" 

Richie spun Eddie by the shoulders, turning him away from the snack table, kissing Eddie deeply on the lips. Eddie broke away spluttering, despite how much he enjoyed it. "Not now!" 

"Mmmm. Later then?" 

Eddie sighed. All this casual banter and flirtation felt too normal, too comfortable, knowing what Richie's situation was right now. It was very hard for Eddie to pretend like this, to just go along without addressing the fact that Richie couldn't live out of a car for the rest of the school year. But Eddie had told himself he would be respectful, that he wouldn't bring that subject up unless Richie condoned it. But if there was one thing that Eddie was bad at, it was shutting up. The words just spewed out of him.

"Listen, Richie, I can't take it not talking about what's wrong! Just flirting and joking like everything is normal. It's not normal! We need to find you a better situation as soon as possible, we need to get you out of that stinky car. God, it must smell like a zombie apocalypse in there by now! Think of the germs alone, Richie! i want to talk about what happened. We need to do something, we need to - "

Eddie was flailing his hands around in the air in front of him, gesticulating without any real purpose. Richie grabbed both of Eddie's wrists and steadied him. It felt strange that Richie was the calm one in this situation, when it was Richie's crisis in the first place. 

"Eds. Listen. I know it's bad. But you have to see the positives like I see them." Richie was, for once, what appeared to be legitimately serious. "I finally stood up to that motherfucker. I'm free! Look - we can talk to the other losers tonight, and try to work something out. I'll be okay." Richie kissed Eddie softly on the forehead. "I promise to clean the car. I'm not a zombie. Yet." 

Eddie took a deep breath and nodded, a smile playing on his lips. Even in a state of crisis Richie was still unabashedly himself. But Eddie could sense something deeper behind Richie's words, a sadness that Eddie could only begin to understand. Sure, Eddie's mother was controlling, but she accepted him for the most part. Eddie couldn't even begin to imagine living in Richie's position, coming from a home where he could never be welcomed for who he was. Eddie wished he could claim some of that sadness for his own. He wished he could feel it himself, so that he could finally understand why Richie ran, and why Richie would always be running.

Richie squeezed Eddie's hands. "Come on, this day is about Ben, not me. Let's enjoy the party." 

Before Eddie could respond, there was a knock on the door. Richie grinned and ran to get it, Eddie following closely behind. Richie opened the door to Stan, Mike, and Bill, all panting like race horses. 

"Let us in! Let us in!" Mike pushed through the doorway, and Bill shut it behind them. The three of them were sweaty as hell, like they'd biked as fast as they physically could to get from school to Eddie's house.

"We got a head start, but Bev and Ben should be here in about ten minutes." Mike, ever the athlete, was certainly the least exhausted. He rushed into the kitchen to survey the snack situation. Bill and Stan leaned on each other, breathing laboriously.

"You good?" Eddie asked. "Want some water maybe?"

Stan nodded vigorously, and Eddie rushed to the kitchen and filled two glasses of water. Mike was already emptying more chip bags into bowls and taking pop cans out of the box, putting everything out on the counter. 

"You guys went all out on Ben, huh?" Mike said while organizing the pop cans into neat rows, knowing Eddie would appreciate the tidiness. 

"Yeah, I mean, he never asks for anything of us, he deserves it..." Eddie smiled, "we wanted to give him all the things he'd be too polite to ask for."

"Hell yeah! Ben will act like he didn't want this, but he'll be grateful for sure." 

Eddie walked through the foyer and into the living room, where Bill and Stan were collapsed on the sofa, breathing heavily. Richie sat across from them in an armchair, smiling. Eddie handed them the water. It was tough for Eddie to think about anything other than Richie's predicament right now, and how hard it would be to just not tell the other Losers. They had no idea what had happened, and though Eddie knew that Richie would bring it up tonight, it was hard to just act like everything was fine. 

"Look at these guys!" Richie pointed a finger, glasses sliding down his nose from his big grin. "How fast did ya bike exactly?" 

Stan rolled his eyes while gulping the water. Bill wiped sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

"It was huh - huh - hot today, Richie! And we wanted t - time to hide for the surprise." Bill immediately went back to chugging his water. 

And that was the moment that the doorbell rang again. 

"Fuck!" Richie jumped out of the armchair, shoving his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I thought you got a head start!"

Stan slammed down his glass. "Apparently not enough of one!"

Bill and Stan tumbled off the sofa in a heap. All the Losers rushed to their designated hiding places, Eddie flicking off the living room lights as he ran to the foyer.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck..." he muttered under his breath, hoping everyone was well hidden enough by the time he got to the door. 

"Hey guys!" Eddie flung open the door with a forced smile. "Come in!"

Bev and Ben stood arm in arm on Eddie's doorstep. Bev was struggling to hide her anticipation, but Ben was harder to read. He just had on that usual calm half-smile, and Eddie wondered if he knew what was going on.

As Eddie ushered them in, Ben glanced around in confusion.

"Eddie, why are the lights off?

Shit. Eddie hadn't realized how suspicious that would look.

"Um, no reason." Eddie flicked the light switch back on, hoping everyone would follow the cue. 

A second after the light in the living room flickered to life, all the Losers jumped out from their hiding spots, yelling Happy Birthday in an awkward, non-synchronized way. Ben seemed legitimately surprised. His face was filled with wonder as he looked around at all the snacks and decorations laid out for him, and it was hard to tell, but it looked like there were tears in his eyes. 

"Guys! I actually thought I was coming over to study... Thank you so much, I mean... You didn't have to - not for me - "

"Yes we did!" Bev interrupted, kissing her boyfriends' cheek. Eddie watched and smiled, remembering the days when Bev would've had to lean down to kiss Ben. "And we would do it over again. Now, baby, you better enjoy it."

Ben nodded, cheeks flushed red. 

"You bet I will."

* * *

The party started off pretty chill, with snacks and bad TV. Eddie found it was so nice to just relax with the other Losers like they used to, to let the thoughts of homework and graduation fade away to the back of his mind. However, thoughts of Richie would not fade away. Eddie really was worried, but he knew that Richie would bring it up on his own time, and would only refuse if pressed. Richie had always been stubborn - that's one fact that never changed, no matter what age or stage of puberty Richie had gone through, no matter what bands he was listening to or personality he was trying on. Richie was determined and stubborn as fuck. As annoying as it could be, Eddie loved that about Richie, loved that when Richie believed something he would stand up for it loudly and proudly, no matter how unpopular his opinion might be.

Small moments with Richie were what gave Eddie the most joy. Moments where Eddie could see that, under all the spite and jokes, Richie could be happy. He wasn't always happy, far from it, and there were moments when Eddie thought that Richie's hopelessness would manifest itself in dangerous ways. But moments like this, sitting around the TV telling stories and making jokes, when Richie would let down his guard... they were enough to make Eddie believe that the young man he loved was not a lost case.

"What's wrong with you?" Stan giggled, pointing at Richie, who was finishing eating the remains of a Kit Kat. "You bite your Kit Kats without breaking them? You monster!"

"Fuck off! I get bigger mouthfuls!" Richie snatched another Kit Kat from Stan's hand and tore it open, biting right into it to prove his point. Stan visibly cringed, and Richie stuffed the whole bar in his mouth just to be more obnoxious. 

"Noooo!" Stan wailed. "I can't watch." 

Richie leaped from his spot on the floor and knelt on the ground in front of Stan, who was sitting on the sofa. Richie brought his face level to Stan's, chewing dramatically in Stan's face. Stan squirmed and squealed. 

"Ew! Richie! Ew! Stop!"

Richie swallowed and immediately burst out laughing. "I don't really bite my Kit Kats. I just did that to piss you off, Stanley!" 

All the Losers laughed in unison.

See? Richie could be happy. Maybe not always, but, when he was, Richie's happiness was consuming. Eddie could feel it like an aura, like a force, and he could feel it creep into his own body and mind. And when Richie was upset... it was the same. It's like Richie's emotions were so strong that they were infectious, for better or for worse.  
But who could realistically wish to be happy 100% of the time anyway? That was too much to hope for. Even if Richie's happy percentage wasn't always leaning positive, Eddie had hope. Eddie loved Richie in these moments, loved him so much that he thought maybe, just maybe, if Eddie could make Richie feel the depth of his love, maybe Richie's percentage could grow. Even though Eddie was self conscious about his body, if being more intimate with Richie meant he would be happier, than Eddie was willing to put aside his misgivings. 

Maybe happiness wasn't always internal. Maybe happiness could be manufactured. 

And there was nothing stopping Eddie from trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this being a short one and a VERY late one - I've been super busy.
> 
> But, fear not, this fic is far from over! The wait between chapters might be longer, but I will continue to keep posting when I finish them. 
> 
> Hopefully things will let up soon, and I will be more regular again.
> 
> Also... fun fact... things are getting HOT in the next chapter...


	18. Destroying The Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the spice you were promised...
> 
> No seriously. This chapter is NSFW.

As the night progressed, Richie became more and more restless to get Eddie alone.

Richie knew this was a sleepover, and all the Losers were staying, but he still wanted a moment alone with his boyfriend. Despite Richie's calm demeanor on the outside, he was nearly suffocating of worry on the inside. Richie couldn't live inside of a car forever. There was no way. They would have to come up with a solution, and fast. And Richie would have to explain his situation to the other Losers. But for now he would distract himself, as he always did when something pressing was on his mind. It truly required skill to be this good at avoiding things. Richie deserved an award for 'Best Procrastinator'.

When the Losers had finished watching TV and cooking and eating frozen pizza, they all set up their sleeping bags in Eddie's living room, and it was time for handing out presents. Ben opened every one of them with care, and smiled like a puppy at everything. Richie imagined it would be near impossible to tell if Ben actually didn't like something; he would just grin and compliment it no matter what. Mike bought Ben new soles for his running shoes. Bill and Stan teamed up and bought Ben a new journal for his writing, along with a beautiful fountain pen. Stan even decorated the inside cover with incredible drawings of the Losers as birds - Richie was a woodpecker ("because you're loud and annoying" Stan announced bluntly). Beverly bought reservations for the two of them to go on a date to a high-end restaurant. And then came Richie and Eddie's gift. Richie held his breath as Ben opened the envelope.

"I swear, if you guys bought us another dinner date... " Ben shook his head and laughed, but when he took the tickets out of the envelope, his face changed. "Oh my God, you guys! You didn't have to." 

Pure delight, that's how Richie would describe Ben's reaction. Ben's eyes seemed to open completely, and his smile summoned dimples on his face that Richie hadn't seen since Ben had lost weight. Richie's eyes met Eddie's and danced with joy - they high-fived visibly, but behind Richie's back their free hands tangled together. The two of them glowed with the elation of mutual success. 

"I can't believe this," Ben held up the tickets for the rest of the group to see. "I get to watch a night of stand up poetry!" Ben turned to Bev next to him. "Should give me some inspiration to write you a new one." Ben pecked Bev on the lips. 

"Winter fire..." Bev murmured, smiling into Ben's face like they were the only two people in the room.

"January embers." Ben replied as if they'd rehearsed it.

Richie glanced at Bill to gauge his reaction to his former crush being so in love with another boy. Bill appeared to be taking it well. He didn't react with his face, at least, though his eyes were avoiding the couple at all costs.

Normally Richie was not one for public displays of affection. Weeks ago he would've stuck out his tongue at all this mushiness, and probably said something totally obnoxious. But who was he to talk with his boyfriend's hand in his own behind his back? Richie kept his mouth shut. Bill even gave him a puzzled look, a question, a 'why are you so quiet?' glare. Richie shrugged. Bill had known him so long, Richie felt he didn't need to explain. Bill should be able to figure it out.

Instead it was Mike who objected to the overly affectionate behavior.

"Come on. Ben? Bev? Wait till you're alone for those heart eyes, I can hardly look at you two." Mike stood up to stretch and to rip his gaze from the lovebirds. 

Beverly giggled and Ben blushed. 

Something in Richie's chest tightened. A sort of jealousy, Richie thought, a wish that Eddie and him could have what Ben and Beverly have - freedom to show their love for each other. But Richie knew that was impossible in this world, where everything Eddie and him did would have to be behind closed doors. They couldn't even hold hands in public without having shit thrown at them. How would they ever be able to kiss or touch or act like a proper couple without getting shamed for it? But Ben and Beverly didn't have to worry like that. They could love without barriers, without concerns, without their every action being scrutinized and deemed inappropriate by people who knew nothing about their relationship. 

Richie stood up restlessly, giving Eddie's hand a squeeze before letting go, trying to think of a way to tire the others Losers out enough so that they would want to sleep, and Richie could finally get Eddie to himself. 

"Let's play truth or dare!" Richie smiled at the sound of groans around him. Of course Richie had a Truth or Dare reputation. He was always the one who would complete the toughest dares and answer the hardest questions, a well as being the one who gave the most brutal dares and asked the most uncomfortable questions. Richie was the king of Truth or Dare, and he was sure that after a few rounds the others would be about ready to hit the sack.

"Richie, don't you think we're too old for that by now?" Stan rolled his eyes dramatically. 

"Never too old! And you're not even eighteen yet, Stanley." 

"Neither are you, Trashmouth!" Stanley hurled a pillow vaguely in Richie's direction and managed to hit Eddie in the face instead. Everyone laughed except for Eddie, who just shook his head and held the pillow to his chest with a shy grin. Richie did think it was a little ironic how the two tallest Losers were the two youngest, and the only two who were still seventeen. 

"Come on, Bill, don't you think we're too old for this?" 

Bill shrugged and met Stan's gaze steadily. "Well, I - I mean, we played di - di - ding dong ditch the other week."

"And did you see how well that turned out? Eddie nearly died!"

"I did not!" Eddie piped up, and was promptly ignored.

"No one is going to d - die playing truth or dare, Stan."

"That's not what I meant!"

Richie swore he couldn't be the only witnessing the sexual tension rising between Bill and Stan. The two teens were too nervous to ever address it, and the tension just kept growing and growing. Every word was charged with emotions. Richie knew what that was like with Eddie, before they'd figured out their feelings, but he hadn't realized how hard it was to watch.

Bill put up a hand in his strange, commanding manner, and Stan went silent. "I say we ah - ah - ask Ben to s - settle this. It's his birthday."

All the Losers turned to face Ben, who was still holding his slam poetry tickets in his hands.

"I, uh, I think we should play. It could be fun." 

Stan threw his hands in the air. "Fine, okay, but I'm sitting out of this one. Especially because I know Richie will target me."

"Me too," echoed Mike, "I'd rather watch you all make fools of yourselves than actually participate." 

Stan and Mike wrapped themselves up in their sleeping bags, ready to be the spectators to their game. Richie, Eddie, Bev, Ben and Bill organized themselves into a proper circle in the center of the floor. 

Richie cleared his throat, "I get to start, obviously - "

"One rule!" Beverly interrupted, glaring pointedly at Richie. "You can't choose one option more than three times in a row!" 

They knew him to well. If Richie could help it, he would always choose dare. Maybe he would switch it up tonight. Who knows? 

"Fine, okay!"

Bev nodded conclusively. "Let's get started then."

Richie scanned his options. 

"Ben! You're the birthday kid, come on, truth or dare."

"Truth."

Richie made a face as if he was trying to come up with something, when he knew perfectly well what he was going to say.

"Okay, Ben, you've gotta tell us, what is your biggest sexual fantasy? Now that you got a girlfriend, you've gotta let her know what you want. Tell us."

Ben blushed so deeply it was like his skin completely changed color. "Ummm, can I pass?"

"No passes!" Mike shouted from the side. 

"Your not even playing!" Bev laughed nervously. The closer Richie looked, the more he realized that Bev was totally nervous to hear Ben's answer too.

"Promise you won't make fun of me?"

"Yeah, sure, anything for ya, birthday boy."

"Okay, well, first of all, Richie, Bev and I haven't even done... that... yet. But, uh, I always imagine us going to a nice dinner, with candles and, you know, nice lighting - "

"Ben, Ben, Ben, my man, that's not a sexual fantasy!" 

Ben crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't interrupt. I'm getting there, uh... So like, an expensive dinner, and then, we'd, uh, take a taxi cab home, and..."

"And?"

By the way Ben was staring at the floor uncomfortably, Richie realized what the 'and' implied.

"Oh my Jesus, Ben, you're into taxi fucking!"

Richie cackled, and he heard Eddie let out a snort next to him. 

Ben fidgeted with his pant leg and Bev smiled awkwardly. "That's not what I - "

"Innocent little Benny!" Richie snorted, legitimately surprised by this information. 

"You promised no making fun!" Stan interjected.

"Okay, okay!" Richie stifled his snickers and took a deep breath. "Okay, thank you for sharing, Ben. Your turn."

Ben seemed quite pleased with the idea of moving on. "Eddie."

Eddie clearly had not wanted to be picked, and was staring pointedly at the floor. "Yeah?" Eddie was already cringing at the thought of what he would have to do, as he was never much good at Truth or Dare, and it was so cute to watch him squirm. Richie squeezed Eddie'd knee softly, and Ben's eyes glanced at the movement. 

"Yeah, Eddie, we were all actually wondering what's up with you and Richie? Are you guys like a couple yet, or what? We saw you guys together at the quarry, and we just haven't addressed that yet."

Richie may have felt acid rise in his throat from the shock of that question. It was true, though, that the Losers hadn't bothered Eddie and Richie about the compromising position they were found in that day. And neither of them had volunteered the information of their new relationship status. Richie hadn't even told the others he was gay yet, though he knew they all suspected Eddie was. 

Eddie looked like he was choking on something for a couple seconds, he was so flustered. Of course Richie and Eddie knew they'd have to talk about it eventually, but they had wanted to keep this beautiful new thing between them private for a little longer. There was no chance of that now.

"I, uh... um..." Eddie spluttered. "Yes?" He said it like a question, as if he wasn't even sure of it himself. 

"Yes," Richie interrupted with purpose, "we're boyfriends." 

Eddie gazed at Richie wide-eyed. Richie felt his chest go warm with affection. "I didn't know you wanted to say that yet, Rich - "

"Me neither. But I do now. I'm not ashamed."

The other Losers stared in shock at Richie's brazen announcement.

"What? I thought you all had it figured out by now?"

Bill tried to speak but stuttered too much to actually form a sentence. 

Stan groaned from his sleeping bag. "Come on, guys, you at least suspected it!"

"I mean," Bev said, "after we saw you all cozy at the quarry, we thought maybe... but then again, you guys were always touchy."

Richie snorted. "Thanks for the congratulations, I appreciate it."

"Hey," Bill managed, "we re - re - really are h - happy for you." The others all nodded in agreement. "You c - could've told us earlier though. We don't ju - ju - judge."

"I know," Richie smiled, "but it was a lot for us to get used to."

"In the best possible way," Eddie added.

The way his friends were gazing at him and Eddie... Richie hadn't felt this welcomed and appreciated in a long time. It felt so nice to have the people Richie cared about looking out for him, smiling for him, understanding his joy at finally being with Eddie. 

Richie met Eddie's imploring brown eyes, and took his hand for all the Losers to see. They made little hoots and hollers of approval. Richie gestured with his head at his open lap, and Eddie climbed on top of Richie's crossed legs, as Richie wrapped his arms around his boy. 

"But no mushy stuff!" Mike objected, to the laughter of all. "That applies to you too!"

Richie nodded halfheartedly. "Okay, Mike, but it might me a challenge. Since I have the cutest fucking boyfriend in the world, I mean."

Eddie blushed and buried his face in Richie's neck. "Rich! You don't have to."

Richie felt the weight of Eddie in his lap, let himself experience the tingle of their bodies touching. "Oh, yes I do, my dear Spaghetti." 

Then, ever the performer, Richie turned to the group. "Who ever thought'd I'd be gay, huh?" 

This elicited mixed responses from the Losers. Some, namely Stan and Bev, made noises that suggested they may have had their suspicions, while the others murmured a chorus of 'no, not me's'. Richie snicked at the reaction.

"Okay, fine, maybe some of you could tell... But moving on! It's Eddie's turn now."

Eddie adjusted himself in Richie's lap so he was half facing Richie and half the group, clearing his throat unnecessarily. 

"Richie," Eddie said softly, grinding his tailbone unintentionally (or was it intentionally?) against Richie's crotch, "truth or dare?"

Holding back a gasp, Richie replied. "Dare. Obviously."

Eddie side-eyes Richie mischievously, then turned his eyes to the group. Richie wondered what on earth he could be planning behind that seemingly harmless puppy gaze. "I do have a dare for Richie, but only Richie gets to hear it."

A shiver went up Richie's spine. What the fuck was Eddie getting at?

"What?" Mike groaned. "Seriously?"

"Is that even allowed?" Ben asked. 

As usual, all eyes turned eventually to Bill. Bill shrugged and held his hands in the air. "There are no r - rules against it!" 

Eddie grinned wickedly. "I know."

"Wait!" Stan interrupted before the game could continue. "How will we know if Richie actually does the dare?"

Eddie just continued to grin. "I'll know. And that'll be enough." 

As Eddie leaned in to whisper, Richie wasn't sure if he should be panicked and frightened, or totally excited for what Eddie was going to say. Eddie could ask Richie to do all manner of embarrassing things, and Richie would, of course he would; he was such a damn idiot. But he had to admit there was an element of a thrill to feeling Eddie's hot breath against his ear, to know these words were meant for him and him alone.

"I dare you, " Eddie took a shaky, seductive breath, "to meet me in the bathroom after the game is done. I'll be waiting."

And with that, Eddie pulled away, smiling outwardly like a nervous little kid... But Richie had heard the desperation in his voice, the hunger, the deep-down desire that Eddie had been trying to communicate to Richie. Richie knew what meeting Eddie in the bathroom meant. It meant more - more than just kissing and touching with bare chests and rumpled hair. This was more than just a tease. It was a promise. 

There was no way Richie could refuse. 

It became increasingly hard to focus on the game with that promise on Richie's mind. He was finally getting what he wanted... his Eds. Alone. But Richie took a deep breath, ignoring the confused stares of the Losers, who had clearly attempted to eavesdrop on Eddie's dare. From the looks on their faces, they hadn't heard anything specific.

"Bill, my man. Truth or dare." 

Richie tightened his arms around Eddie, squeezing them in a way he hoped was an affirmation.

"T - t - t - truth, of course." Bill smiled, though he looked a tad nervous since he knew notorious Richie was the one asking. 

Though Richie truly did wonder at what Bill's secret sexual fantasies were, he knew what kind of question he was going to ask, and it wasn't that. In fact, Richie had planned from the beginning of the game what he was going to interrogate Bill with, knowing Bill would choose truth. 

"So do you have feelings for Stan or what?" Richie threw the question out, and he felt it land more heavily than he intended. Perhaps it was his blunt tone of voice that gave the question such leverage, but Richie had not intended it that way.

Bill swallowed uncomfortably and scratched the back of his neck, Adam's apple bobbing ferociously. It was like Bill didn't know where to look. He glanced first (strangely) at Bev, then up at Richie, then sideways towards Stan. Stan was staying unusually silent, face pressed into his pillow. Richie was sure he was blushing madly underneath. 

"Um... Uh - I - uh..." Bill couldn't seem to grasp words properly. He kept glancing at Bev. Richie had thought maybe Bill had gotten over her, judging by how well he had reacted earlier. Perhaps not. Maybe Richie had spoken too brashly. 

"Let g - go to sleep now. It's late." Bill stood up abruptly, refusing to answer, and Richie just sighed. He understood that reluctance well enough, and Bill was right, it was getting late. 

Richie had nearly forgotten about his original intention for this game - to tire everyone out so he could get Eddie alone. It certainly worked, just not in the manner that Richie originally intended. 

The Losers all readied their sleeping bags for sleep, having already put on PJ's and brushed their teeth. Stan flicked the lights off, still not making eye-contact with Bill, the remnants of a blush lingering on his pale cheeks.

But Richie had a different mission right now than getting Bill and Stan to date each other. Richie watched Eddie exit the room with a saucy hand gesture for Richie to follow, eyes never leaving Eddie's pert little ass as he exited the living room. 

Richie took a deep breath and navigated the sleeping bags of the Losers, practically shaking as he walked up the hall to the bathroom. The light was on inside. The door was unlocked. Richie pushed it open and closed it behind him, locking it just in case one of the Losers decided to use the bathroom while it was still occupied. Eddie was perched on the edge of the bathtub, pajama shorts and all, looking at Richie with that same mischievous look from earlier, eyes devouring Richie completely.

Richie swallowed a wad of spit that had collected in his throat, feeling suddenly jittery. 

"So, boyfriends, then? That's the first time I heard you say it like that," Eddie near-whispered. 

Richie nodded in agreement, trying to act casual with his hands in his pyjama pant pockets. "Yeah."

"Well, I like it. It sounds nice. Boyfriends. Kinda sexy, you know." Eddie was clearly trying to repel his blush, but was failing miserably. It crept up his neck and into the roundness of his freckled cheeks. Eddie's blushes always turned Richie on, and he could feel that warmth in his gut, his dick already reacting. 

"Eddie, I - "

"Listen, Rich," Eddie stood up from his sitting position, still commanding even all the way across the room from Richie, "I know there are countless important things that we should actually be talking about. But just put them aside for now. I want to do... more. With you... If that'll make you happy."

Richie's hands were trembling. "Happy! Of course... but here, Eds? In the bathroom, even with all the germs?"

"I don't care where," Eddie said firmly. 

"With them out there?"

"I. Don't. Care." Eddie walked right up to Richie then, face inches below his. "Yes or no?"

"Yes!" Richie tried not to sound too desperate, because his pajama pants were beginning to feel far too tight. "Let's do this."

Richie leaned down for a kiss, but Eddie put one hand over his mouth. Eddie was shaking and breathing heavily already.

"Are you nervous, Rich?" Eddie asked, eyes closed and eyelashes fluttering against his flushed cheeks. 

"Of course I'm fucking nervous!" Richie exclaimed, mouth moving against Eddie's hand. "But I'm always nervous when it comes to you, Eds. I've just learned to make peace with it, 'cause what else can I do?" 

Eddie grinned sheepishly, opening his eyes slowly. He removed his hand from Richie's lips. 

"I'll learn too, Rich, no matter how long it takes..."

Then Richie kissed Eddie forcefully on the mouth, pushing back against the smaller boy. Their lips and teeth clashed, sending tendrils of warmth into Richie's abdomen. Eddie pushed right back, his little nose butting into Richie cheek, forcing Richie's mouth all the way open. Richie tore off his glasses and dropped them on the counter next to the sink, hardly glancing away from Eddie. Every breath between kisses was only a tiny pause, then it was right back to it. 

"Fuck, Eddie - " Eddie's lips glided down Richie's neck until the paused to suck a hickey at Richie's collarbone. "God. You're amazing - "

"Shut up, just shut up - " Eddie muttered, smiling against Richie's collarbone.

"Should we slow down, Eds?" 

Eddie gripped Richie's hips tightly. "No, it's okay."

With that permission, Richie scooped up Eddie's ass into his arms, and carried the teen into a sitting position on the edge of the tub. Richie loved that Eddie was demanding and controlling at times, but he certainly had a commanding personality too. They began to kiss again, intensely still, and Richie squeezed Eddie's ass in his long fingers, causing Eddie to yelp. Richie broke his grip.

"You okay?" 

"Yes, Richie. Jesus. Unless I specifically tell you to stop please don't fucking stop!"

They ripped off their shirts in unison. Even Eddie's chest was flushed. Richie loved this part. He loved the simple, intimate feeling of his bare skin pressing against Eddie's bare skin. Now all he could think about was the whole length of their naked bodies stretched out together, every inch of skin connected. 

Richi started kissing down Eddie's chest to his hipbones, where his fuzzy chest hair tickled Richie's nose. Eddie was breathing very quickly now, as Richie reached a hand up between Eddie's legs and started touching his erection over his pajamas. 

"This good?" Richie queried, not wanting to overwhelm Eddie.

"Yesssss." Eddie's speech turned into a hiss as Richie pulled Eddie's shorts off in one swift motion. 

Richie's mouth was now poised directly above Eddie's naked cock. It wasn't as big as Richie own, though that was to be expected, but it was just as beautiful as in all of Richie's fantasies. Eddie wouldn't meet Richie's eye, and he was shaking so much now in Richie's arms, clearly very nervous.

"Eds. Eds. You're beautiful, okay? You're so special to me. Look here! Come on." 

Eddie did look, and his lustful eyes alone sent sparks into Richie's erection. As much as Richie wanted to, he refrained from touching Eddie for a brief moment, to let Eddie understand that this was healthy, this was beautiful, it wasn't wrong and dirty like Richie's Father thought or Eddie's Mom always said. "I am?"

"Yes!" Richie kissed Eddie's stomach carefully. "I could never imagine wanting someone else the way I want you." Eddie sighed, stroking Richie's hair with his hands. "Me too... I've never wanted anything this much. And I do want you. I do. Like this. I do." Eddie squeezed Richie's hair to let him know he could go ahead now. Richie wrapped his hands tenderly around Eddie's length. "Did you know you are my definition of sexy? You're so damn sexy, Ed's."

With each word Richie pumped his fists around Eddie's cock, trying to be slow, trying to be gentle. Richie had never done this to another person, and really he had no idea what he was supposed to do, but judging by the open-mouthed ecstasy on Eddie's face, Richie was doing it right. Richie leaned down towards Eddie dick, mouth carefully wrapping around the head, eyes meeting Eddie's to make sure this was okay. Eddie nodded. 

"Never done this before," Richie muttered, meaning it as an apology just in case this didn't go so well. He began to give Eddie a tentative blowjob, using his hands on the shaft and his mouth on the tip.

By this point Richie was getting closer and closer to orgasm himself, just from touching and watching Eddie, and it was becoming harder and harder to breath. Eddie seemed to notice this, and managed to gasp out legible words. 

"Rich, let me, come on, I want us to come together." 

"Together, okay." Richie stood shakily, eyes never leaving Eddie's erection. Eddie's warm hands pulled down Richie's pajama pants and boxers, and began to touch Richie with caution, Eddie's eyebrows scrunched and beads of sweat on his face. Eddie seemed genuinely stunned by the sight of Richie completely naked, exposed under the vibrant bathroom lights.

Richie was already so close, after a minute he stopped Eddie's hands with his own. When a look of confusion dawned on Eddie's face, Richie just smiled encouragingly.

"Together, right?" Richie said, sweeping the shower curtain aside and picking up Eddie again. This time, both of them naked, Richie could feel Eddie's balls and erection press against his chest as he lifted them both into the bathtub for a more comfortable position. Richie laid Eddie's back down on the bathtub floor, gently, always gently, and crouched, kneeling, over top of Eddie. The tips of their aching cocks touch, twitching. 

As desperate as Richie was to release the tension in his body, he took a second just to take it in. Eddie, naked, beneath him, shaking from desire. Eddie smiling and blushing, Eddie's freckles all aglow. Eddie was so, so perfect to Richie, maybe Eddie himself would never understand it, would never be able to see himself the way Richie saw him - hair in his eyes, lips pressed in a tight line, skin pale and smooth and fucking soft, so soft, soft like Eddie had never done any real work in his life. Which was true, perhaps. But Richie loved every inch of him. 

Then Richie took both their cocks in his hands, and began to (shakily, he was shaking so much) stroke up and down them both. Eddie followed the motion, adding his own hands to the task. Up and down. Up and down. Warm fingers rubbing all the right places. Richie felt his orgasm building, his fingers tangling with Eddie's around both of their dicks. He had to bite his tongue to stifle his moans. 

"Goddamnit! Eddie!" Richie tried to keep his voice down, but the ends of his words kept transforming into voice-cracks of pleasure.

"Rich, Richie, I - "

They both came at the same time, all over each other's hands. Richie collapsed on top of Eddie, skin on skin, and they just lay like that for a few minutes, covered in cum and emanating pure elation. Richie could feel Eddie's heart pounding against his ear, and Eddie's whole body was trembling and drenched with sweat. 

"Well, we definitely need to do that again," Richie said when he regained his breath. "It's so much better with two people."

Eddie laughed gently, somehow still nervously, and Richie felt it deep in Eddie's chest, a distant rumble. "Agreed," Eddie spluttered out.

Eddie rolled Richie off of him to turn on the shower, hoping the Losers wouldn't be bothered by the sound of rushing water. Eddie didn't seem to want to talk, and Richie assumed he must be exhausted.

Richie stood naked in the shower with Eddie, letting the water rush over his face and body. With his hair dripping in his eyes and his vision half impaired without his glasses, Richie was truly the happiest he'd been in ages. There would be no more doors, Richie promised himself, no more barriers that Eddie would have to break through. Richie swore to himself that there would be no more avoiding. He would talk, in his own time, he would tell Eddie all his fears. Because this? This is what it felt like to be a man of no fears. For loving Eddie had been the scariest thing of all, and Richie had clearly conquered that fear.

Hadn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for such a long absence! The longest yet, I'm afraid, though I hope it will be the last of that length. 
> 
> I hope I managed to make up for it with this extra long and extra spicy chapter!


	19. Honey and Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT. I know it's been a long time. Over a month. But that's exam season for ya! I'm back, and hopefully here to stay with regular updates.
> 
> This is just a small chapter to hopefully lead to some juicier ones...

The instant that Richie passed out in his sleeping bag, Eddie rushed to his room and tore into the drawer in his bedside table. He pulled his inhaler out and held it to his lips, breathing in and out desperately. He let the feeling of the oxygen clear his spinning head and ground him once again. Eddie hadn't needed his inhaler that badly in God knows how long.

He'd tried to hide it from Richie, to make his shaking stop, to breath slowly and say nothing, because he didn't want to ruin this for Richie. Eddie had wanted it, he'd wanted to be intimate with Richie for so long, he'd imagined every possible thing they could do together. But the actual doing of it was the hard part. That wasn't to say that Eddie didn't enjoy the act in the moment, that he didn't cherish the feeling of Richie touching him in such a dirty way, that he didn't love the long lingering glances and the feeling of experiencing such pleasure along with his boyfriend. It was what came after that frightened Eddie. 

When the pleasure was over and the mess remained, Eddie came back to reality, and terrible thoughts began to creep in. Eddie's mind filled with all the homophobic things his mother had said, every word, every sideways comment that was not so subtly directed towards Eddie. 'It's so dirty, so wrong, so disgusting', 'not the way God intended things to be', 'completely unnatural'.... Eddie's throat filled with bile and his breathing quickened. He had to get clean, get the filth off of his body. He had turned on the shower as fast as he could, not speaking to Richie for fear of giving away his weakness with his trembling voice.

But the shower did not wash away his mother's words. Afterwards Eddie's body still felt itchy, sticky, even though he knew there was nothing on him. Eddie tried to be kind to Richie, who clearly didn't have any of Eddie's doubts, but his body wouldn't stop shaking. That's why he rushed off to his room to get his inhaler - a feeling had come over him, a feeling of complete disgust. Eddie felt so confused, so overwhelmed, and the oxygen truly did help him. 

On one hand, Eddie had never been happier than he'd been touching Richie, but on the other hand, it had all been too much too fast, and years of enforced beliefs from his mother would not leave Eddie's mind, no matter how much he wanted them to. When Eddie walked back out into the living room, Richie was fast asleep in his sleeping bag, a total mess. The bag was only zipped up halfway, and Richie hadn't even bothered to put on pajamas on top of his boxers. Eddie smiled a private smile, a smile completely and solely for himself. Despite all his worries, he knew that he'd be able to make this all work with Rich, this intimacy, this uncharted territory. Eddie was a clumsy explorer for sure, but he would try his best to be a brave one. And Richie - well, he was the same in sex as he was in personality - a lot. A whole fucking lot. But he was a lot that Eddie wanted, and continued to want, somewhere through all the fears that crowded his mind.

Eddie slept restlessly with so much going on in his head.

* * *

Richie and Eddie were the first ones up the next morning. It was like they both knew that the other would be awake, and they shuffled around the gradually awakening Losers and towards the kitchen to get breakfast. As Eddie was pouring his cereal, still not saying a word, he tried to to think of what he could say to Richie about their experience last night that wouldn't sound suspicious if overhead by the Losers in the room next door. 

"Um... Good morning..." Is all Eddie managed.

Richie, who had his head stuck in the fridge, pulled it out to smile over his shoulder. He looked like he'd slept in a dumpster, with his hair still partly wet and plastered to his forehead, and the bags under his eyes giving away just how late the two of them had stayed awake.

"And a good night as well!" Richie said, deadpan.

"Beep, beep!" Eddie whisper-yelled, jamming his thumb in the direction of the open archway leading to the living room. "And you look a mess, by the way. Try brushing your hair."

Richie shrugged and shut the fridge door, orange juice and milk in hand. Richie passed the milk to Eddie and leaned in closer than necessary as he did so.

Barely perceptibly, Richie whispered near Eddie's ear. "Touching your dick is priority numero uno. Brushing my hair comes later." And before Eddie could finish spluttering to respond, Richie leaned away and acted like he hadn't said a thing.

"What other cereals do you got, Eds?"

Richie threw open the pantry to assess his options. Eddie decided it would be easier to ignore the comment, even though it had sent a little thrill through his body to hear Richie mention touching him...

Out of the blue, an unrelated thought occurred to Eddie. He waited until he was done pouring his milk to bring it up.

"Why didn't you tell them last night?"

"What?" Richie pulled the Froot Loops box out of the pantry and turned his attention to Eddie.

"You didn't tell the other Losers about your, uh, situation. You said you would."

Richie nodded. "I know... It just didn't feel like the right time. And kinda a downer for a party."

Eddie understood, but he still felt nervous knowing Richie didn't have a proper home. "But we need to do something, and fast. It's going to get so disgusting in there! Bacteria and the like, you'll be sweaty and uncomfortable as it gets warmer too, I - "

"The car is functioning for me right now, but I know I need a new solution." Richie agreed. "I just didn't want to wreck the mood last night... or risk losing the opportunity to get it on with you." Richie's eyebrows danced. "They'd have swarmed me with their concerns if I'd a told them, you know how they are, Eds."

Eddie thought about snapping back with his typical 'don't call me Eds' routine, as he'd excused far too many butcherings of his name as of late, but somehow he no longer felt the desire to snap at Richie. It didn't give him the same sense of satisfaction to shut down the nickname, so Eddie held his words and smiled instead.

"School, then, on Monday? You'll tell them then?"

Richie pushed his hand straight into the Froot Loops. "Yeah, I promise." He shoved a whole handful of cereal into his mouth.

"Well, in the meantime, you can sleep here while my Mom is gone."

Richie grinned through a mouthful of dry Froot Loops. "No objections here!"

* * *

As they began to wake up, the other Losers could tell that something was afoot, even if none of knew how to address it. None of them except Bev, of course. She was the first one to notice the blushing and the fleeting glances being exchanged between Richie and Eddie. At first Eddie thought she would just ignore it, but the sexual tension in the room was so high that Bev couldn't ignore it for long.

As everyone was putting their stuff away and rolling up their sleeping bags, Eddie decided to help Richie with his, and they both rolled up opposite ends, until their hands bumped clumsily in the middle. They looked up at the same time, faces inches apart, and Richie's eyes swept teasingly down to Eddie's lips. Eddie smiled shyly, but his blush that rushed into his cheeks was anything but shy. Looking away was all Eddie could do to stop himself from kissing Richie in front of their whole friend group. 

And that's when Bev chose to butt in. 

"So how was your night, lovebirds?" Bev teased with raised eyebrows.

The comment caught Eddie by surprise, and he practically jumped, sleeping bag unrolling from where he let go in shock. Eddie stuttered and stumbled on his words.

"I, um - "

Richie took charge of the conversation, swooping in to save Eddie before he accidentally said something utterly embarrassing.

"We had a wonderful night, Beverly Marsh," Richie's voice dripped with sarcasm, "I'm sure you'd love to hear the details?"

It was Bev's turn to blush as she shook her head rapidly. "Good God, nooooo! Keep that to yourself." 

Richie smirked. Eddie sighed. So much for not being embarrassing.

About an hour later, as Eddie's front door shut behind the Losers, he felt an intense sense of relief flood through him. Richie smiled, back leaning against the door.

"That was awkward," Eddie groaned.

"Awkward? It shouldn't be awkward." Richie stepped towards Eddie. "People fuck each other. Sex is real and normal and there's nothing wrong with it, gay or otherwise. If it makes the other Losers uncomfortable that we're fucking - "

"We didn't technically have sex - "

"So what? Oral and shared masturbation? Is that what you want me to call it?"

"Jesus, that's worse!" Eddie covered his face with his hands.

"Right? So... what I'm trying to say is... If we aren't awkward about it, then it won't be awkward. And it shouldn't be." Richie shrugged. "And come on, Eds, didn't you have fun?"

Eddie looked at his feet, trying to be brave, trying not to let Richie see how shaken he was. "Of course."

"And honey," Richie stepped more into Eddie's space, "whenever you feel like it, I'd love to do that again with you. It's so much better with you."

Eddie felt Richie's hand on his jaw, soft, gentle, turning Eddie's face up to look Richie in the eye. "I know I'm a horny dickhead. But don't feel rushed, okay? I know this might be slow going for you."

Maybe Richie had been more observant than Eddie had given him credit for, or maybe Richie was just taking precautions, but whatever motivation fueled this tenderness made Eddie's heart swell. This time it was Eddie who leaned in and met Richie's lips with a soft kiss. It was different somehow, different than it had been before, when all the kissing and touching had just been leading to intimacy. Now, in this strange after-sex glow, the lack of sexual desperation only made the kissing sweeter.

Richie took Eddie's hands between their close bodies. Eddie was trembling ever so slightly, and if Richie noticed, he didn't mention it. He just kissed Eddie back, cautiously almost, until they both needed to breathe.

As Eddie stood, nose pressed against Richie's, feeling the angle of the other boy's glasses against his forehead, their breath mingling, he reflected on the last few moments. A wicked smile spread over his face.

"What?" Richie snorted, looking at Eddie in confusion.

"Just - Richie - " Eddie stifled a laugh. "You called my honey!"

"Oh my God. I totally did." Richie blushed, grinning.

"I didn't know we were at that stage in our relationship, darling? Do you like that, my dear?" Oh, Richie, honey!" Eddie gesticulated dramatically, then reached in to tickle Richie's sides. Richie dodged the assault.

"Seriously? Fuck you, Eds. Fuck you!" Richie groaned through his grin.

"You already did, darling!" Eddie giggled. 

Richie sunk to his knees on the hardwood floor, right there in the middle of the foyer. "You're never gonna let me live this down!" Eddie knew Richie was an actor, and had purely decided to play along in Eddie's drama game. Eddie kneeled too, placing a comforting hand on Richie's shoulder.

"It's alright, my dear, you'll get used to the teasing."

Richie shook his head and covered his face with his hands. "Good Lord, Eddie, I love rehearsing with you, but I don't want our LIFE to be Romeo and Juliet!"

"Should I stick to honey, then? To avoid tragic connotations?"

Richie went quiet for a moment, then adjusted his hands so one bespectacled eye became visible. "I actually wouldn't mind you calling me baby." Richie's voice was serious now, but Eddie wasn't entirely sure it wasn't a trick.

"Wait really?" Eddie took hold of Richie's wrist, and pulled his hands away from his face.

"Yes! Fine. Yes. I like pet names... so what?" Richie crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. Then he stood up quickly and offered a hand to Eddie. "Come on though... admit you secretly liked it."

Truth was, Eddie had liked it. It had felt so natural that he hadn't even noticed the pet name at first, and only in hindsight had it been amusing. In the moment it was actually oddly charming. 

"Okay! Yeah, I liked it. Just a little." Eddie grabbed Richie's hand and was hauled to his feet.

Richie smiled lopsidedly. "Afraid I'm going to shatter your fragile masculinity?" Richie's eyes grazed Eddie's body, his pink pajama shorts, his brightly striped socks, clearly highlighting Eddie's lack of obvious masculine signifiers.

"I liked it enough." Eddie raised an eyebrow teasingly.

"Enough?"

Eddie kept his grip on Richie's wrist, drawing the boy closer to him again.

"Enough to let you keep calling me it." 

"Honey?" Richie smile was full-blown now, teeth and all. "I do like the way it sounds."

"Mmmm." Richie and Eddie slowly drew each other into an embrace, Eddie burying his nose in Richie's shoulder. "Me too, baby, me too," Eddie nearly whispered.

Eddie suspected that Richie held him in the hug slightly too long to hide the ridiculous smile that Eddie could picture on his face.

Somehow, this, all this normalcy, even after what they'd done last night - it comforted Eddie. Even if they had committed a sin, even if the thought of doing it again made Eddie incredibly nervous, at least his relationship with Richie remained how it had always been; awkward and teasing, and it still brought Eddie the same unfiltered joy. Eddie knew it would be hard for him to forget years of emotional abuse, that detaching himself from the words and the labels and the hatred would be a challenging process, but he would do it. He still wanted Richie just as much as he always had, even if there were more obstacles in his way than he'd predicted. But Eddie would fight his mother's influence, and he would heal. He knew he could heal. Every moment he spent in Richie's arms was it's own form of healing.

For how could loving another boy be dirty if it felt as pure and genuine as it did with Richie?

Eddie knew his mother was wrong. The hard part would be teaching himself to feel, to his very core, how wrong she was. After all, labels were only stickers, stickers slapped on by careless hands, stickers that could be removed with the right amount of effort. 

Eddie knew it might hurt, but he had to start peeling. Careful, at first, but he knew he could not live the rest of his life suffocating under the weight of his mother's words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like... if anyone is still here... I'd love to hear from you in the comments!
> 
> I'm really sorry for taking so long. Even after the big sexy scene - I really am terrible!


	20. Not Ready Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for taking longer than intended on this update. I should never make promises lol.
> 
> There are probably lots of small mistakes in this but please forgive me, it's 2 in the morning where I am and I have no time to edit right now.

"How about we race to school like we used to? It could be fun." Richie said, examining Eddie's spare bike. "But no cheating and using side roads!" 

"In that case... I'm gonna kick your ass, Trashmouth!" Eddie hollered, mounting his (much higher quality) bike and speeding down the driveway.

Richie groaned, "I never said go!"

He swung himself over the much too small bicycle, and pedaled as fast as he could to catch up, but he knew he had little hope of winning here. Eddie would surely gloat over it, as Richie would formerly always win unless Eddie took alleyways and side streets that Richie didn't know so well. None of them had taken those shortcuts since they'd defeated It, but he wouldn't put it past Eddie to try to win at all costs. When Eddie set his mind to something... Good Lord, you better not be in his way. 

Richie had spent the weekend living in Eddie's house, but Eddie's mother arrived back this afternoon. It had been nice, for sure, though not exactly the manic grope-fest that maybe he'd secretly hoped it would be. There had been plenty of cuddling though, which Richie did not object to in the slightest. He was going to miss sleeping in Eddie's arms now that he had to return to the car as his bed. Over the weekend, Richie had snuck back into his own bedroom multiple times to gather his remaining things and clothes, and so far he just had them stuffed in the trunk of his car.

Richie had promised Eddie that he would tell the other Losers about his predicament today, and he fully intended to. It was just an uncomfortable topic to broach, especially without prompting, but Richie was aware that he needed a solution, and fast. Eventually someone might get confused by the apparently empty car being parked on different streets every night. It did seem pretty weird if you thought about it from the perspective of Eddie's neighbors. 

The bike race had been a bad idea on Richie's part - no - a TERRIBLE idea. Eddie would've beat Richie with or without a head start, and Richie arrived at school panting and covered in sweat. He was practically doubling over as he locked his bike up.

"So... many... hills..." He wheezed over-dramatically. 

Eddie approached him from behind, laughing mockingly. "Not in great shape, are you, Trashmouth?"

Richie snapped his lock shut and turned to face Eddie. 

"Turns out your skinny ass has more strength than I thought." 

Eddie smiled cheekily, a private smile, one Richie returned with gratitude. Though they kept their relationship private at school, it was nice to have these small moments of connection that gave the illusion of shutting out the rest of the world, if only for a short time. Lingering glances. Hidden smiles. There was something quite exciting about not being able to touch Eddie at school, so when Richie did get the small teen alone, a powerful hunger overtook him. It was so hard to have Eddie always so close in classes, always right there, constantly making Richie's mind drift off to thoughts completely unrelated to school. 

Because, good gracious God - the sex. Or shared masturbation. Or whatever you wanted to call it; Richie couldn't stop thinking about it. He knew, ugh, he knew that none of this was easy for Eddie. He couldn't deny the way Eddie trembled in his arms the day after. But! But that didn't stop Richie's hormones from getting distracted so easily. Now Richie knew what it felt like to be intimate with someone that way - with Eddie - in that way, it was a challenge not to ask for more every time they kissed. Richie knew it was a waiting game, and he knew that Eddie would be prepared eventually, but that didn't make the blue balls any easier. 

As Richie and Eddie ascended the school's front steps, Jeffrey passed Richie on his right hand side. He scurried by, not even glancing in Richie's direction. It seemed that Eddie had done a decent job at scaring off the bullies for now. Richie knew they'd be back with some subtler form of revenge at some point, but for now it was indeed satisfying to see Jeffrey rushing by like a terrified rodent, bulging eyes and greasy hair included.

* * *

Lunch break found Richie at the usual table, picking at his food and trying to think of the best possible way to bring up his current housing situation.

Across the table from Richie, Stan and Bill sat together, flirting incessantly (even if they don't realize it themselves). Richie rolled his eyes as the two teens fed one another chicken nuggets. How on earth had they not just confessed their damn feelings yet? It drove Richie crazy just to witness that level of obliviousness. 

Under the table, Eddie kept a reassuring hand on Richie's knee, as if to let him know that however this next conversation went, he'd be there to support Richie. Richie tried, he truly did, to search for an opportunity in the conversation to add his necessary information, but no such opening revealed itself. In the middle of listening to Mike and Beverly argue about whether basketball or soccer was the superior sport, Richie began to lose hope. Ever since Bev joined the soccer team it had been like this, a constant butting of heads between the athletes in their friend group.

"Basketball is more intensive!" Mike nearly shouted.

"Soccer is all about endurance!" Bev raged back.

Richie shook his head and raised a hand to signal for them to stop.

"Guys, I have something important to tell you."

Mike and Bev stop in their tracks. Ben looks at Richie with big, curious eyes, and Bill and Stan drop their remaining chicken nuggets on their plate. Richie hadn't realized the full power of formal conversation when it came from his mouth, free of all swear words and jokes. He cleared his throat and decided to dive right in to the issue, taking no side roads to get there.

"I, uh, I thought I should tell you guys... I'm not living at home anymore. I sort of... ran away."

Everyone at the table gasped in shock - except Eddie of course. Richie smiled uncomfortably as he was assailed with questions from all sides. "What happened?" "Are you okay?" and "Where are you going to stay?" dominating the inquiries. 

"Guys! GUYS! Listen, you don't need to panic."

The racket of voices ground to a halt.

"Yes, I'm okay... and let's just say... I got out of there because I needed to. And I have my mom's car - " Richie raised a hand before anyone could interrupt, "she gave it to me. I'm sleeping there for now."

"But that can't puh - possibly last forever!" Bill interjected, "there's no - no - no way you'll go back?"

Richie shook his head. "No way. I can't live under his fucking shadow anymore! And I won't ever again." 

Richie didn't need to explain who the 'he' was. All the Losers knew how Richie suffered under his father's hand, even though he had done his best to hide it. 

Mike pushed his food aside and placed his elbows on the table. Bev muttered 'manners' under her breath, no doubt still wound up about the basketball vs soccer disagreement, but Mike wasn't bothered.

"So?" Mike looked around the table expectantly. "We need to find a home that Richie can stay in, possibly all the way up to graduation. Does anyone have any ideas?" 

Eddie squeezed Richie's knee softly. Richie's mind raced as he looked around the table at the contemplative faces of all his friends. He was so grateful for them, so grateful that they cared for him through all his bullshit and terrible jokes. Richie could never tell this group of messy, awkward, wonderful people just how much he needed them, that he would undoubtedly be miserable without them. But he felt it. He felt it to his very core.

Eventually Stan lifted his head and sighed. "Richie, I think you can stay with me."

"Stan, you d - don't have to - " Bill reassured him.

"We can figure something out, I swear!" Bev exclaimed. 

Stan just shook his head, and Richie waited, secretly hoping that Stan was totally serious, and that maybe he would have a solution to his current state of homelessness. 

"My Father loves charity work, and he believes in always helping others. We have a spare bedroom." Stan smiled a bit out of the corner of his mouth. He always smiled out of the corner. "I'm sure my parents wouldn't say no. How could they refuse a poor teenager from a bad home in need of a place to stay?" Stan's smile twitched into mischievous territory. "As long as you behave, that is."

"Me? Behave?" Richie feigned astonishment, but secretly he was overflowing with gratitude. 

Everyone laughed in their own strange ways, Eddie the loudest of them all, and Richie felt a weight disappear from his mind. But not only his mind - his limbs felt lighter and his laughter came easier for the whole rest of the school day.

Finally it seemed that the crisis had been solved. For now Richie would stay with Stan, as long as Stan's parents agreed to it. 

* * *

Richie walked Eddie back home after school, both of them not even bothering to mount their bikes so they could talk.

"That wasn't so awful, was it?" Eddie queried as they approached his house. 

"No," Richie said, "not awful at all. They were definitely concerned for me though."

"They should be! I was!" Eddie elbowed Richie with the same arm he broke all those years ago. "It's not a bad thing to have people who care about you."

"Ugh," Richie sighed, "I swear our whole friend group is made up of middle-aged moms. The whole lot of you!"

Eddie let out a restrained giggle, then his eyes sparkled naughtily. 

"In that case, would I be a sexy middle-aged mom?"

Richie glanced around to make sure no one was watching, then reached out pinched Eddie's ass, forcing out a childish squeal. "Obviously, honey, you'd be the kind of mom in the little denim skirts and the bright red lipstick. Sassy, like you are."

They reached the top of Eddie's driveway, and Eddie's whole demeanor changed. It always did when he got near to his mother. His hips stopped swaying, and he pulled his shorts farther down his tanned thighs. Richie let out a small sigh, this time of longing rather than annoyance.

"Alright, baby," Eddie turned to Richie and put the kick-stand up on his bike, leaning against it, "let me know right away how it goes with Stan."

"Of course."

Richie placed his right hand on the handlebars of Eddie's bike, and leaned in to sneak a small, gentle kiss. 

Eddie placed his hand between both their lips before Richie could close the gap between them. Richie leaned away.

"Richie, not now! She could be watching!" 

Richie threw his arms in the air in surrender. "Eddie, she's never watching." 

"But she could be!" Eddie's face scrunched up like a bull dog's. "And I can't risk that."

Richie understood, and he knew why Eddie was wary; his mother was a diabolical creature who was always there when you least wanted her to be. But Richie also knew that Sonia Kaspbrak was almost always napping at this time of day, and could reasonably assume that she wasn't watching the driveway, since the blinds were shut. It just stung Richie a little that he had risked so much to be with Eddie, and given up life as he knew it, yet he still couldn't kiss his boyfriend at the end of his driveway.

"Don't blame me for just wanting to kiss you," Richie said a tad too bitterly.

Eddie shook his head, ignoring the sting. "I know, I know. I wish it were easier."

Richie shuffled his feet a tiny bit closer to Eddie, in an almost unnoticeable gesture. There was something Richie wanted to address, even though he knew it might upset Eddie to think about. Somehow it seemed only fair to Richie that Eddie should also face his fear of his crazy parent.

"It could be," Richie said carefully, "it could be easier."

"How?" Eddie breathed, eyes wide and full of pent up emotions.

"You could tell her, Eds. About us."

Eddie's face shut down instantly, his eyes losing their glow and his smile imploding into a grimace. This reaction was even worse than Richie had expected. 

"No, I'm not doing that. Sorry, Rich, but no. Not happening. I couldn't handle the consequences of that. No fucking way."

Eddie was fast talking, which meant things were speeding up inside his head, probably getting far too fast for Eddie to think clearly.

"I was only suggesting it! I mean you have to tell her eventually, right?" Richie reached out and put his hand on Eddie's shoulder, but Eddie didn't seem comforted at all.

Eddie kicked his kickstand back up and grabbed the handlebars of his bike. His face was so closed off now that Richie really had no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

"Eds?" Richie asked again, hoping for an actual response.

"I'm not ready for that, okay?" Eddie snapped, pushing his bike down the driveway and away from Richie.

Richie hated watching Eddie walk away like this, all fired up and in a bad space mentally, but Richie also knew that he would only make it worse if he was pushy. He didn't mean to pick a fight, and hadn't realize just how much of an issue this was for Eddie. What Richie didn't say aloud, but thought calmly to himself, was that it wasn't fair. Richie had stood up to his abusive father and admitted his sexuality, and yes, Eddie's situation was different, by why couldn't Eddie just do the same? Richie had put so much on the line for them, but if Eddie kept feeling so secretive about their relationship, then Richie would have stood his ground for nothing.

"What should I do with your other bike?" Richie shouted down the driveway.

"Just drop it!" Eddie didn't even turn his head to shout.

Richie hated fighting like this. He wanted to run after Eddie so much, to grab his arm, to touch his hair and cheeks and hands and comfort the other teen. But Richie knew that Eddie needed to be alone right now. 

Richie dropped the bike as he was told, and watched from the end of the driveway as Eddie puffed intensely on his inhaler before hauling his bike into the garage.

Richie touched the spare inhaler in his pants pocket, and couldn't help but wish that he was the one holding the inhaler to Eddie's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some ANGST to leave you on, I'm so sorry but I love writing angst ahah.
> 
> On Hiatus but probably coming back at some point...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first fan fiction ever, wow, as I normally only write my own characters, but these lovable idiots got me inspired. I try to update at least weekly, but that won't always happen. 
> 
> If you like this fic please leave comments, they are literally my fuel to write and bring me so much joy. And I love to know what you think and what you'd like to see in future chapters!


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